to ask about friendship dealbreakers?

[Tobythecat]

What are your deslbreakers when it comes to friends?

Mine are -

Voting Tory
Disliking animals or being cruel to them
Being judgemental towards mental illness
Being a food snob

I could not be friends with someone who smells.
I could not be friends with someone who has no moral compass.

My deal breakers are racists, poor hygiene, cheaters, two faced people, those who hurt animals, children, the disabled or old people.

I actually dislike animals but would never hurt one (I'm vegetarian and against testing on animals) . I just don't see the point of them (outside of wildlife) and I think most are very dirty but I have many friends with dogs and cats as that's their choice, their house, their life.

Those who profess to be tolerant but then say things like I hate anti vaxxers. I judge them more if they are very liberal and profess to be, but then not liberal enough to realise that other people make other decisions for many varied reasons.

At this time in history I couldn't be friends with anyone who agrees with the current treatment of women and womens rights by trans organisations with hidden male agendas.

Feminists who don't accept a woman's right to stay at home. I'm a feminist and I feel this gives each woman the right to choose her own path in life, there is not one way or one size that fits all but it's the choice and freedom to choose our own way and path that is important.

I couldn't be friends with someone that thinks abortion should be available for every and any reason, like the pp on another thread this evening that thought a woman who got pregnant on purpose to abort was ok.

Yep my last two paragraphs are probably a contradiction. So I couldn't be friends with anyone that did not understand that life is full of contradictions and difference.

I just need people to be kind.

I find that pretty much covers everything.

Two faced folk
Tight folk
Users/needy folk
Adulterers

People who compete constantly...exhausting.

I don't think I've ever asked friends how they vote, though if someone posted a load of Britain First type stuff on Facebook I would unfriend them.

I've only ever dumped one friend and that's because she had ana fair with my best friend's husband. That is unforgivable in my eyes.

I think they would have to do or say something really terrible (as above) for me to and a friendship.

I certainly wouldn't end one based on different political beliefs. How boring! I have a friend who has very different beliefs to me (also doesn't much like animals and I'm an animal lover.., she's just not interested but not cruel), we have fantastic conversations and debates.

An affair*

Different belief systems aren't usually a deal breaker. I'd just use my considerable powers of persuasion. Constant conspicuous consumerism would put me off over time. And moody people, friends who seem to get offended and you've no idea what you did. I find them too hard work.

She used the word "mong".

Being needy, a drama addict, an attention seeker or a professional victim whose experiences are often negative and who have always got problems to talk about. No. I feel genuinely sorry for people who have been damaged by life and have become self-obsessed and introspective as a result...but there just aren’t the hours in the day or room in my life to be that sounding board. I know, because I’m actually really soft-hearted and have found myself caught up in someone else’s drama more times than I care to admit. See a counsellor and good luck to you. I’m out.

Someone who constantly moans and you try and give them advice on how to help themselves but ignore it and carry on moaning.

People who go behind your back to get you in trouble with the supervisor when all it would of taken was a word with me instead.

People who let someone else take the blame when you think that another person has gone to the supervisor and it was the person you were confiding in!

Sorry had a bad week at work.

Why are people so shocked that differing politics are a deal breaker for some?

Is it because we're in the UK? I feel like alot of you would feel different if we were talking about defriending someone who voted for Trump.

People who get their kicks from “rescuing” other . Thise who try to bring you down so they can still be “supportive”.

Ie:

• How are you feeling after the MASSIVE problem you had last week?

-I’m feeling fine

• You shouldn’t have gone through that, such a bad thing, you don’t deserve to be treated like that!
• I’m ok, it has been resolved.
• You need to keep your eyes open as they will try again, people do not change. Do not be complacent.
• I’m ok and prefer not to talk about it...
• Of course, you are in denial, but I’m here when you need me. You can come to me when you feel down again.

One week later you bump with them on the street and they re open the topic or try to find another thing you are “suffering from”

@LostInShoeBiz

Thank you!!! (Imaginary illness).

I see a neurologist and my friend insists I don’t get migraines. This isn’t a GP but I neurologist that is incredibly expensive and I’ve had head CT’s and other weird tests. I’ve been put on numerous medications including calcium channel blockers. My latest scan showed brain damage and she’s adamant it’s me being a hypochondriac! It’s on the scan - I’ve been referred to another neurologist.

I had golden staph for months (it won’t go away) but she said I just scratched myself and it was the products I was using.

It makes absolutely no sense!!

This is a weird thread.

For me it's more about being able to connect with someone, sharing experiences and learning and mutually getting something out of the friendship. That can happen with people who share very different political beliefs or lifestyles but they have to value me and my time and vice versa. I am a remainer and have never voted Tory and never would, but one of my best friends is a lifelong Tory voter and voted for Brexit. She is a wonderful friend.

Oh yes... the food snobs... 99% of those I know cannot recognise a good wine or a good meal unless it has an expensive label attached to it.

Interesting those that cook amazingly or know properly about wine, do not go around life boring people about what they eat or drink.

I don't think I've ever asked friends how they vote

Nor me.

Someone who thinks he/she is always right. People who talk exclusively about themselves.

Lying constantly even when called out on it.

I have ended friendships because people have not been treating their children well. I have lost 2 friends because despite how much I tried to help, they kept making poor decisions and their children would suffer the consequences. Before anyone flames me, I will say before this point I have helped in every way I can, e.g. giving them food when they have spent all their money on crap and there is no food for the child, cleaning their home because I'm appalled at the way the child is being made to live, helped them find support in the local area, listened to their problems etc. In both friendships it became more than I could cope with and I had to walk away.

Neediness/overinvestment would and has put me off friendships.

People who are boring because they don't think that being good company is something they should have to put any effort into. Also people who have no sense of humour.

People who think professing to dislike popular things (e.g. pop music) is a personality trait.

People who pretend not to understand that your political alignment is generally not something you just pull out your arse, but corresponds to your beliefs and values, and that other people are therefore allowed to form an opinion on you on that basis. Also, people who say things like "my views are as valid as anyone else's" and similar when their views are actually terrible.

People who want to talk about dogs beyond brief pleasantries, or who expect other people to corroborate their belief that their dog is equally as important/interesting as humans.

Men who:

• think women are on the planet to be taught things by them
• think anything mainly enjoyed by women is 'uncool' by default
• tell you or imply that you and the things you like are not 'cool', even when they're an irredeemable loser by any reasonable definition
• conversely, imply or congratulate you on you and the things you like being 'cool', even when they're an irredeemable loser by any reasonable definition
• talk over women
• treat the significant women in their life badly and expect their female friends to not notice the common factors
• etc etc

Drug use
Cruelty
Too differing parenting ethos
Racism
Cheating
Alcohol abuse

Racism. Have dumped two friends because of this. Also using me as a last resort if nobody else available.