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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask about friendship dealbreakers?

267 replies

Tobythecat · 03/10/2018 17:53

What are your deslbreakers when it comes to friends?

Mine are -

Voting Tory
Disliking animals or being cruel to them
Being judgemental towards mental illness
Being a food snob

OP posts:
jcsp · 03/10/2018 20:16

UKIP, racist, being an arse, being over entitled, putting down teachers, believing that education was better in the 50s, suggesting the bringing back of National Service and voting/supporting Trump would make friendship strained/short lived.

LavendarGreen · 03/10/2018 20:19

Can't help but notice that people who would unfriend someone who has different political beliefs are all the left wing people. People who are more conservative/right of centre/neutral, would not do it.

Bit pathetic that the left wing/Corbynites can only be friends with everyone who agrees that Corbyn is GOD, and that anyone who voted for Brexit is a thick, bigoted moron! Hmm

My dealbreakers.

Racists.

People who are mean and cruel to animals.

People who look down on people and call them 'thick' if they have different political views.

People who think it makes them look more intelligent and seem interesting if they don't like mainstream stuff.

Food snobs. Film snobs. Music snobs.

People who think those who don't cook from scratch are thick/lazy/uneducated.

People who just HAVE to talk about their wealth/ income/ inheritance(s)/ how big their house is/ how much they spent on their last holiday etc...

Bad hygiene.

People who constantly moan about EVERYTHING, and act like no-one has as many problems as them.

People who are constantly late, for no reason, and act like their time is more important that mine.

People who insist on splitting the bill equally, even if they have had £40 worth of food and drink and others have only had a tenner's worth.

I only have a small group of friends - just 3 actually. But they are wonderful friends. Better 3 good ones, than 10 shit ones.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 03/10/2018 20:22

Chances are I wouldn't be friends with anyone who shared some of these traits in the first place - I think it would be quite difficult to hide an underlying racist attitude, for example, so I would probably hold them at arm's length. In terms of an actual friendship, rather than an acquaintance, for me the deal-breaker is lying. The person I had considered my best, closest friend (after Dh, of course), lied to me about something pretty big. I found out in a way that made me feel like a complete idiot, in front of others and the hurt I felt was such that I could not see a way forward with the friendship. 30 years of friendship evaporated over something that, had she been honest, would still have upset me, but not as deeply as her lie did.

Hazardswan · 03/10/2018 20:27

Sending my apologies I used to be the last min cancelling or being late friend. I've improved because I've learnt not to overstretch myself and now make plans less.

Birdsgottafly · 03/10/2018 20:27

""My friendship deal breakers are
People who dislike people based on their Political views..""

So if you met a Jewish Person who wouldn't befriend their Nazi neighbours, you'd reject them on that? Or the Black person who don't want to know their KKK supporting neighbours?

A lot of people are citing Racism. Well their are legitimate Political parties that are Racist.

I'm from a mixed Heritage Family. I can't be Friends with someone who voted UKIP. As a disabled Woman, I couldn't anyway.

How you vote reflects what you think of the most vulnerable in our Society, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with someone because they don't give a shit what happens to the, poor/disabled/children etc.

Mine are Right Wing Views.
Racism/Sexism/Homophobia/Disabilitist etc.
Ignorance and being proud of being ignorant.
Animal/child cruelty.
Lack of respect for others/judgmental.
Being unnecessarily nasty/negative.

failingat40 · 03/10/2018 20:30

Anyone that won't be friends with someone else based on them having differing mainstream political beliefs.*

Yup, this.

Having different beliefs doesn't make you a better person than me.

I can't stand judgemental people who are quick to jump on popular bandwagons yet be a shitty person with no morals.

People who have no empathy.

I have dropped friends for being flaky and cancelling on me or being constantly late without good reason. My time is just as important as theirs and if they don't respect that they're gone.

People who swear to always be there for you but when the shit hits the fan they need to ask their husband wanker to babysit Angry so she can spend time with me. Don't bother. Bye Wink

Kemer2018 · 03/10/2018 20:31

Being a left wing do-gooder
Using devil child and my child's name in the same sentence
Always saying "oohhh I'll have to check my diary" too often. (Nobody is THAT busy)

Immigrantsong · 03/10/2018 20:33

Self absorbed and entitled people. One friend recently complained for me not being able to babysit his kid longer. I was gobsmacked as was doing him a favour and he knows I juggle my own kids and health conditions.

WeLoveFlowers · 03/10/2018 20:35

To all those saying they would never be friends with a tory voter- have you ever asked a tory voter why they vote conservative? Sounds pretty intolerant..,

Another deal breaker- passionate anti-vaccer

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/10/2018 20:40

I've just unfriended someone on FB who constantly posts Brexit shit, Britain First and other racist stuff. I did quite enjoy (living up to my MN name) it however, when she said that due to Brexit, she would be losing her job. The place where she works is propped up entirely by EU funding, and when this ends, her workplace will close. She is all tearful and "I thought the government would carry on the funding." Because the Tories (whom she voted for) have always been such fans of the regions, of course. And, oh noes, she probably won't be able to retire to her little house in the Dordogne either. I wanted to say, did you not think this through, love?

Birdsgottafly · 03/10/2018 20:41

""Having different beliefs doesn't make you a better person than me.""

Tell that to Jo Cox's Husband. Or anyone who is a victim of Terrorism.

Doghorsechicken · 03/10/2018 20:42

They have to like, or at least show empathy, towards animals

I also hate people that cheat

LemonysSnicket · 03/10/2018 21:00

Being mean to animals
Being really thick - as in having no wider knowledge about anything
DV
Racist/sexist
Look down on working class people
Being lazy or slobbish or rude in my home

SusanneLinder · 03/10/2018 21:07

I don't really care if people voted differently from me. I have friends from different political viewpoints, but they are still friends. As long as they don't shove it down my throats, I'm fine.
Hate cheats, liars, thieves, untrustworthy people, racists and homophobes.

Deadbudgie · 03/10/2018 21:23

Child/animal cruelty. Stupid people. I’m not talking about academic achievements just people with no common sense or general knowledge. Unkind people, virtue signallers, people who take everything out of a friendship and put nothing back.

Bullnoway · 03/10/2018 21:26

All of the isms. Obviously. And in addition, I ended a friendship when I realised she would always prioritise getting a boyfriend/ a boyfriend she had just just met over me. Every time.

Lizzie48 · 03/10/2018 21:38

I have 4 cats but I wouldn't insist on my friends liking them. If they don't I just shut the said cats outside when the friend visits, or we meet elsewhere. Some people are allergic to cats, in which case we would meet elsewhere. (We have this issue with my DH, who is allergic to dogs.)

For me, I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who was racist/islamophobic/bigoted in any other way. Or anyone who was actually cruel to animals (as opposed to just disliking them).

MrsWireman · 03/10/2018 21:55

Flirting with my partner and telling me that they find someone who's attach more attractive

Crystalblue13 · 03/10/2018 22:02

I stopped seeing a friend because she complained and moaned constantly about her lovely little boy. She also booked a wedding and set up a go fund me page for people to pay for it!

DarlingNikita · 03/10/2018 22:16

Bit pathetic that the left wing/Corbynites can only be friends with everyone who agrees that Corbyn is GOD, and that anyone who voted for Brexit is a thick, bigoted moron!

I loathe Corbyn, personally.

Giggorata · 03/10/2018 22:39

People whose conversations consist of cliches.
People whose conversation reveal them to be unkind, bigoted, some kind of -ist.
Closed minded people.
Excessively chaotic or histrionic people.
Dishonest, negative and/or takers

peonysandhotcrossbuns · 03/10/2018 22:49

Racism.
Judgement towards single mothers.
Intensity.
Neediness.
Talking negatively about others behind their backs then nice to their faces.
controlling/ needing to be in the centre of drama.
Judging parents of kids with SEN.
Square.
Cannabis addicts.
smelly.
People who try to tell you how you feel.
Snobs.
Bores.

GoodHearted · 03/10/2018 22:59

I can't believe these days how many people care, have opinions on or are offended by other people's political preferences.

Labour, Tory, Trump, Corbyn. Just live your own lives. Who gives a fuck?! 🙄

user1473878824 · 03/10/2018 23:16

Anyone who would stop being friends with me over how I vote. Because, simply, what a mindless sad sack.

PurpleArmy · 03/10/2018 23:19

Anybody who repeatedly shows they will never be in my corner.