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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is obsessed with NDN’s cat

227 replies

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:12

Our neighbour’s cat has started pooing in our garden. We’re not really sure why as we’ve lived here for 2 1/2 years and it’s only started doing it in the last few months. I find it irritating but as someone who grew up with cats accept its par for the course.

Anyway my DH has become obsessed with stopping this cat from pooing in the garden. He stares at the garden waiting for the cat to make an appearance so he can run out and chase it off. He’s bought a high pitched cat deterrent thing and sprayed lemon juice on the grass, neither of which work. I caught him hammering nails into the fence the other day so the cat would injure itself when jumping up which I made him take down. He’s made himself late for work waiting for the cat so be can scare it. He talks about it every day, calls me from work to ask for updates on the cat (I’m in Mat leave).

It sounds ridiculous but his obsession with this cat is really getting me down. He is otherwise a wonderful husband and father. But I hate this nasty streak he’s showing. The glee on his face when he terrifies this poor cat is unpleasant. He’s even talked jokingly about how he’d love it to accidentally get run over by a car.

I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says he doesn’t want poo in the garden for the DC to potentially step in which I understand but this behaviour still isn’t normal surely?

AIBU to be annoyed by his behaviour? What do I do?!

OP posts:
AGHHHH · 02/10/2018 08:14

Wtf? How utterly bizzare. He doesn't sound right at all.

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:15

Apologies for spelling and grammar wobbles!

OP posts:
Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:17

@AGHHH I know you’re right. It’s odd as we’ve been together nearly 10 years and he’s never been like this so it’s certainly out of character. I’m very confused.

OP posts:
Cheeseplantandpickle · 02/10/2018 08:19

Is he stressed in other ways? Sometimes it's that last straw that causes obsessive behaviour.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 02/10/2018 08:20

He sounds most unpleasant. Reasonable to be annoyed by cat poo in the garden, but planning to hurt an animal is downright nasty. Have you seen this side of him before?

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:23

I’ve tried asking him if he’s struggling anywhere else but he insists he’s fine. He’s never shown any behaviour like this before, he is otherwise lovely. I’ve always known he’s not really a cat person (I would love a pet but he’s always been against it) but never to this extent.

OP posts:
MysweetAudrina · 02/10/2018 08:25

Could be worse he could be obsessed with your neighbour's pussy. Sorry for being crass.

I think it's a male thing they don't like being bested by an animal. It's a bit pathetic really as everyone knows cats are evil bastards and they will get you back by shitting in your toaster and they always win at staring matches. He's annoyed because he has no control over the cat and he is stupid because he is fighting with a cat.

Not sure what you can do about it though as he does seem like he is in it to win it.

Fairylea · 02/10/2018 08:25

Tell him he either needs to stop this or you’re leaving him. He sounds unhinged.

I am wondering if he has some form of obsessive compulsive disorder? Any other obsessions / difficulties in other areas?

hedgehogboots · 02/10/2018 08:28

My NDN is like this except no one on the terrace has catsConfused has anti cat/mosquito alarm on 24/7 that wrecks my ears and sharp metal spikes all the way round the top of their fence. It’s quite extreme. Definitely a male thing because if a cat pooped in my garden I’d just pick it up and forget about it

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:29

@mysweetaudrina GrinGrin

@Fairylea no other compulsive tendencies that I’m aware of. Which makes it all the more baffling as he’s seemed very “normal” (for want of a better word) until all this. I’ve tried explaining how much this side of him upsets me and sets a horrible example for the DC but he has a one track mind

OP posts:
Adversecamber22 · 02/10/2018 08:30

Very obsessive behaviour.

Is this baby your first ? as you mentioned maternity leave. Deep down it's possibly a fixation as he can't cope with his real fear of becoming a parent, he cannot cope with the changes, I'm not excusing his bahaviour obviously. But it means he can block out his actual genuine worries. This doesn't mean he doesn't want to be a parent or anything sinister he may be worrying about chnaged money situation, will he be good enough as a Dad, that kind of thing.

ToeOfFrog · 02/10/2018 08:31

My DF, otherwise perfectly rational, loathed cats. It wasn't just the poo all over the garden that annoyed him, although that was very annoying. It was the killing of garden birds that enraged him.

He spent a fortune on cat-proof fencing to keep them out in the end.

Anti climb paint or pigeon spikes on the top of fence can work, I've heard. Cat owners don't seem to get how disgusting the rest of us find their cat's poo.

He does seem to be overly concerned.

legalseagull · 02/10/2018 08:32

Maybe he is feeling out of control following the birth of your baby/work issues etc and this is one area he can control?

PunkrockerGirl59 · 02/10/2018 08:35

I couldn't be with anyone who wished harm on a defenseless animal. He does sound completely unhinged Confused

NC4Now · 02/10/2018 08:37

How bizarre and unpleasant. I’d be so upset if anyone set out to hurt my cat.
This would worry me hugely.

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:38

This is our first child but they’re nearly 1 so not really “new” any more. I am concerned now that this behaviour is a symptom of something deeper but I’d never get it out of him... so maybe I need to just let him work through it. It’s me and the cat vs. DH.

He’s had a couple of minor ding dongs with NDN over boundary issues (them putting their bins, garden fairly lights etc where they shouldn’t) so maybe he hates the neighbour and is projecting it onto the cat?

Oh I don’t know!

OP posts:
slkk · 02/10/2018 08:41

Men weeing in the garden helps stop foxes pooing. Might work for cats and give home something constructive to do?

MozzieMagnet · 02/10/2018 08:44

Love cats, toxoplasmosis not so much. But anything other than a water pistol is abhorrent and a bit obsessive. My cats loved their litter trays, maybe NDNs cat is dirty protesting your DH before world domination.
Wink

cantfindname · 02/10/2018 08:45

Send him to a garden centre and tell him to buy a product called Roar. It's dried lion dung and it works. My Dad had 7 cats from NDN who all used his garden and Roar stopped every one of them

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:45

I agree, I would have loathed anyone who tried to harm my cats growing up. I don’t want him to tarnish his reputation (we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone) as the cat abuser. I wasn’t necessarily against humane methods of deterring the cat but when he set out to injure it I lost it.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 02/10/2018 08:45

It regards your garden as the boundary of it's territory, if it stops another cat will start.

It's unpleasant behaviour though and I do feel for you. He doesn't sound right mentally though.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 02/10/2018 08:48

Is he the one that has to clear it up OP? Cat shit is unpleasant, so I don’t blame him. We have a visiting cat who stalks birds, shits in our garden and sleeps on the roof of my soft top car leaving paw prints up the bonnet and fur all over the roof. I feel pretty murderous towards it!

lalalalyra · 02/10/2018 08:49

If it's only just started after a couple of years then there's probably a new cat in your area so NDN cat is marking its territory.

So he might win with one cat, but it'll still be an issue. His glee at terrifying an animal would be something I found deeply unattractive if DH suddenly started that shit.

53rdWay · 02/10/2018 08:49

That would really worry me. In your position I'd refuse to discuss the cat when he phones up from work. Would also keep repeating to him that his obsession with the cat and specifically with scaring or hurting the cat is interfering with his life (making him late for work) and family relationships (with you).

I have a relative who developed an out-of-character obsession over a pet broadly similar to this that, turned out to be the first sign of bigger mental health problems. Not saying it is this in your husband's case but it would be ringing alarm bells to me.

VickieCherry · 02/10/2018 08:49

Cat owners find their cats' poo disgusting too Hmm But cats go where they please, you can't control them. One of mine goes in my garden (contrary to widespread belief that they never go in their own garden). The other will only go in the litter tray.

Cats usually bury their poo, so your child is unlikely to step in it unless they're walking in the flower bed.

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