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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is obsessed with NDN’s cat

227 replies

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:12

Our neighbour’s cat has started pooing in our garden. We’re not really sure why as we’ve lived here for 2 1/2 years and it’s only started doing it in the last few months. I find it irritating but as someone who grew up with cats accept its par for the course.

Anyway my DH has become obsessed with stopping this cat from pooing in the garden. He stares at the garden waiting for the cat to make an appearance so he can run out and chase it off. He’s bought a high pitched cat deterrent thing and sprayed lemon juice on the grass, neither of which work. I caught him hammering nails into the fence the other day so the cat would injure itself when jumping up which I made him take down. He’s made himself late for work waiting for the cat so be can scare it. He talks about it every day, calls me from work to ask for updates on the cat (I’m in Mat leave).

It sounds ridiculous but his obsession with this cat is really getting me down. He is otherwise a wonderful husband and father. But I hate this nasty streak he’s showing. The glee on his face when he terrifies this poor cat is unpleasant. He’s even talked jokingly about how he’d love it to accidentally get run over by a car.

I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says he doesn’t want poo in the garden for the DC to potentially step in which I understand but this behaviour still isn’t normal surely?

AIBU to be annoyed by his behaviour? What do I do?!

OP posts:
Papergirl1968 · 02/10/2018 08:50

Devoted cat slave here. I would struggle to be with anyone who wanted to hurt an animal. That’s someone’s beloved pet, and you can’t control cats and where they toilet, unlike dogs.
His best bet is just to get a water pistol.
Or if you live near a zoo or safari park, try to get some lion poo - seriously. Cats are supposed to think, “fuck me, a bloody massive cat must live here, I’d better keep away.”

Anniegetyourgun · 02/10/2018 08:50

LTB, and get your own cats Smile

CaptSkippy · 02/10/2018 08:54

Get a dog. They are the best cat repellents in the whole world.

eelbecomingforyou · 02/10/2018 08:56

I would love a pet but he’s always been against it

Yeah, after this behaviour I really wouldn't recommend that you get a pet Confused

Sorry, OP, but he sounds unhinged.

I am concerned now that this behaviour is a symptom of something deeper but I’d never get it out of him.

Can't you talk to him about it? Can you talk to him about other stuff?

KathDayKnight50 · 02/10/2018 08:58

He's probably very unhappy about some aspect of his life which he hasn't yet shared with you. This is all being subliminated into his seeming hatred of this cat.

Cats represent freedom, not being "owned" and doing what they damn well please.

Could he be having a midlife crisis and wishes he had some of that cattitude?

malovitt · 02/10/2018 09:02

I hate cats with a passion. Sick of picking their bloody crap out of my lovingly grown vegetables and herb beds and having to walk around checking before the kids go outside. the piles of unburied crap can usually be spotted though as there's a load of flies hovering around the offending area. It does make me laugh when cat owners insist that their cats bury their poo - they don't!
I use a super soaker water gun and that seems to be working - the local cats only have to see me at the window and they scarper now.
I would never want to injure one though.

KathDayKnight50 · 02/10/2018 09:03

I see you're on mat leave, OP. Is this your first?

Could your DH be reacting badly to what he perceives as massive restrictions on his freedom as he takes on fatherhood responsibilities? Some men freak out about this, just as mums-to-be worry about how they will cope.

It may seem silly, but there is obviously something wrong here.

jcsp · 02/10/2018 09:15

Get a dog. Cat won’t come in garden, DH can build up a healthy relationship with the dog and lower his stress levels, keep healthy etc.

Gersemi · 02/10/2018 09:17

Absolutely refuse to give him cat updates when he phones. Or else ridicule him every time - "Yes dear, the cat is here, it's systematically wandering around the garden pooing in every square foot. And it's brought in 48 friends, they're busy line-dancing between poos. Oh dear, that seems to be a panther coming over the fence now."

KathDayKnight50 · 02/10/2018 09:19

And it's brought in 48 friends, they're busy line-dancing between poos. Oh dear, that seems to be a panther coming over the fence now."

Grin
mirialis · 02/10/2018 09:21

he doesn’t want poo in the garden for the DC to potentially step in

A friend of mine developed a massive obsession about poo/wee from neighbours pets and imaginary house mice when they had a child - it became a big mission for him.

I would give the guy a break (i.e. he's lost a bit with his nails to hurt the bastard cat) but he's not become some nasty psycho out of the blue and you do need to gently talk to him about how you feel this is getting out of hand and becoming very stressful for the family as a whole.

LittleMissPonsible · 02/10/2018 09:25

I second the water pistol idea. It will probably give your DH a sense of relief whilst also being quite a humane way of dealing with the cat. I trained my own cat not to claw furniture by using a water pistol.

Esspee · 02/10/2018 10:34

We had neighbouring cats which regularly shat and ripped up my carefully tended flower beds. Drove us nuts. Tried all the usual remedies. The one which shoots a jet of water at them caught us out many a time but we never saw it scare any cats. The ultra sonic deterrent which we have now does seem to work (or perhaps there are fewer cat loving neighbours around). Bought it from Aldi or Lidl.

Lemontart25 · 02/10/2018 10:53

Just came to say you missed a brilliant opportunity with your title OP. Wink

ToadOfSadness · 02/10/2018 11:09

Cat proof your garden, use the methods for keeping them in, but in reverse. It can be done for a lot less than the companies that advertise it. Just Google it and then he can put it all round the garden. There is no need to injure the cat there are enough evil bastards out there doing that already.

GrumpyOlderBloke · 02/10/2018 11:12

Perfectly normal.

I recommend a Jack Russell - they are excellent at eradicating vermin.

They are also vastly entertaining in their own right and training him/her will give him something else to focus on. Exercising him/her will keep him fit.

No single human can ever tire out a Jack Russell.

allinmyhead12 · 02/10/2018 11:15

get your own cat lol, chances are the other cat wont come in your garden! or a dog who can chase it for him and then he will have that poo to deal with. Think he is being a bit over dramatic about the whole thing and needs a hobby or something. I would stick to your guns and keep refusing to talk about it when he calls you from work and make sure your thoughts are heard about harming the cat. Does he want his child seeing that behaviour and thinking thats what you do to creatures of the world?

LimboLuna · 02/10/2018 11:21

Trying to hurt the cat would be a deal breaker for me.
The cat is irritating but to actively try to hurt it is a different level.

This thread reminded me of looking out my old house window and watching my old cat strut across my neighbours garden and brushed past the high pitched cat deterrent , he made sure he rubbed it to mark it as his own though. Very very little works. Super soakers and i think I've seen motion detecting sprayers they would be the best bet.

TheGlitterFairy · 02/10/2018 11:26

There’s a product you can buy from outdoor type shops/ garden centres that’s like garlic granules for the garden. Harmless for cats; they don’t like the smell of it and therefore it puts them off.

Skarlet2018 · 02/10/2018 11:27

What was the issue with fairy lights and bins?

TheViceOfReason · 02/10/2018 11:31

Anti cat spikes on top of a fence.... ok... they are a deterrent and won't hurt the animal.

Putting nails in? I hope you told him in no uncertain terms that if he ever actively tried to hurt it again the marriage would be over.

I am not a cat fan at all - but to be actually trying to hurt an animal is disgusting behaviour.

mrsrhodgilbert · 02/10/2018 11:38

Our neighbours hammered nails into our dividing fence every couple of inches from below so the points were upwards, then went on holiday for two weeks. It was a horrific thing to do, fortunately we saw and removed them quickly before any cat got impailed on them. Dh spoke to them when they returned and the husband had done it at his wife’s insistence. I can honestly say they are the most unpleasant couple we have ever met and their behaviour got more unpleasant. I’d be wanting to know what was really going on before real harm was done.

overnightangel · 02/10/2018 11:45

The nails on the fence thing is very worrying, he sounds like a right sadistic arsehole who is showing his true colours

Bluntness100 · 02/10/2018 11:46

I think you need to sit him down and talk to him again, when the kids aren't there. Explain his behaviour is obsessional, and this his desire to hurt the cats is not just deeply disturbing but it shows his obsession is escalating, request he gets medical help. It might be some sort of OCD, where he has obsessional thoughts. It might just be enough for him to stop and think about his behaviour. Or he might just ignore you.

Either way it's not normal behaviour, I'm sorry. And it might get to the stage he does hurt the animals and that would be unforgivable.

SirVixofVixHall · 02/10/2018 11:51

That is really over the top, and rather horrible. Cats poo wherever they can find a suitable spot. They like something they can dig, do you have freshly dug borders ? Ndn’s cat regularly poos in our garden, I don’t like it when I tread in it accidentally but as foxes, hedgehogs, badgers and huge numbers of birds also poo in my garden then it isn’t something I get annoyed about.
I had a cat who very nearly died after seriously injuring himself on glass spikes put on top of a neighbour’s wall, so I find your husband’s glee at possibly injuring this cat disturbing. The obsessive nature of this is odd too. I can understand him finding it annoying, but it taking up so much of his emotional energy is strange and I wonder about his mental health generally ?
Does he not care how much this is upsetting you ? Cruelty is a particularly unpleasant trait, is he cruel in other ways ?