DH is obsessed with NDN’s cat

[Crazycatmanhelp]

Our neighbour’s cat has started pooing in our garden. We’re not really sure why as we’ve lived here for 2 1/2 years and it’s only started doing it in the last few months. I find it irritating but as someone who grew up with cats accept its par for the course.

Anyway my DH has become obsessed with stopping this cat from pooing in the garden. He stares at the garden waiting for the cat to make an appearance so he can run out and chase it off. He’s bought a high pitched cat deterrent thing and sprayed lemon juice on the grass, neither of which work. I caught him hammering nails into the fence the other day so the cat would injure itself when jumping up which I made him take down. He’s made himself late for work waiting for the cat so be can scare it. He talks about it every day, calls me from work to ask for updates on the cat (I’m in Mat leave).

It sounds ridiculous but his obsession with this cat is really getting me down. He is otherwise a wonderful husband and father. But I hate this nasty streak he’s showing. The glee on his face when he terrifies this poor cat is unpleasant. He’s even talked jokingly about how he’d love it to accidentally get run over by a car.

I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says he doesn’t want poo in the garden for the DC to potentially step in which I understand but this behaviour still isn’t normal surely?

AIBU to be annoyed by his behaviour? What do I do?!

I agree with pp who said it's now about not being beaten. My husband has a war with a squirrel in our old house, he was never going to win but he would not disengage. Now it's ants. He was out all summer pouring boiling water on them even though as I told him, he is never going to eradicate ants from a garden. Weird.

I understand this because I hate cats too. We’ve had one poop in our garden occasionally, it’s disgusting because our dog actually eats it . If I’m ever at home and see a cat in the garden I open the door so my dog can chase it off which usually keeps them away!

MrsRhodGilbert nasty bastards. I’d have taken photos and reported them to the police and told all the other neighbours.

crazycatmanhelp I ‘get’ that he’s pissed off with the neighbours and their cat. We have a yappy little dog next door and I’m at my wits end with the bloody thing and may have mentioned ‘shutting the bloody thing up for GOOD’ but only to my nearest & dearest who know I wouldn’t hurt a hair on its yappy body. So yeah, I get the ‘pissed off’ BUT it’s the NEIGHBOURS I have the problem with, not MrYappy. The fact he’s stalking the cat, wanting updates when he’s out, making himself late for work etc. It’s unhinged. Completely unhinged. I’d be very worried.

However, the fact he wants to HURT the cat would be a deal breaker. I couldn’t live with someone that would choose to hurt an animal and unless he sorted himself out VERY quickly, he’d be gone. I’d Aldo he worried about where this seeming ‘personality change’ would lead to in regard to our child. He needs help and fast.

Where does he think that rats poo?

If that cat stops, chances are that another one will start.

It isn't normal and the animal cruelty side would put me off him.

He tried to hang up nails to hurt a cat?! If I discovered anyone had purposely hurt my cat they would be in so much shit, for a start im sure the rspca would have something to say about it. He needs to realise that this is not under his control. Also those cat deterrent things using sound are harmful to young children as the frequency can be heard by them (not read the whole thread so someone might have mentioned this already), not great if you have a baby!

Cats bury their poo neatly so I don't see why he'd care. Good manure.

This is absolutely about your neighbour.

Your DH sounds very territorial, bins I can understand, but fairy lights? Possibly not about the cat , but the neighbours.

I hate cats that poo in my garden, I’m totally with your DH over this. A movement activated water sprinkler works. 😎

The super soaker is fine. Putting nails in a fence is not good. The fact he is willing to hurt an animal would really worry me. Also the phone calls etc, the cat could also be pooing during the night, he can't expect you or him to watch the garden all the time surely. You need to have words. I understand not liking cats but this behaviour is extreme.

I don't know if he said that thing about it getting run over jokily but it's very hurtful to those of us who have had this happen to a beloved pet. I would go crazy at him and over the fence thing too.
Has he tried talking to the neighbours without a row? Maybe they don't know how it s bugging him.
I have a cat. She usually uses her litter tray but sometimes our garden but she tends to bury the poo. Maybe ndn s cat is an unneutered Tom marking territory which they could solve by getting him neutered or cat proofing their garden.
I feel sorry for you living with his obsession though.

I love cats. I think his behaviour is cruel. If he is not careful, as in injures the cat. Then he will get reported, no one likes an animal abuser. Scatter orange peel around the garden as it acts as a deterrent.

Cats bury their poo neatly so I don't see why he'd care. Good manure.

It isn't good manure unless the cat is a vegetarian. Cat shit can carry worms that blind children. Don't minimise the nuisance they cause by lying.

I have 4 cats and if one of them was upsetting a neighbour by pooing in their garden I'd like to think they would feel able to talk to me about it. I would have no problem with them using a water pistol as a deterrent.

As far as I know, my cats have never annoyed our NDNs in this way. DH and I have always made sure that there are plenty of places in our garden where they can do their business, and they do just that. (It probably annoys my DH as he's a keen gardener, but he's never complained.) We also have litter trays.

I can understand your DH being fed up. I had the job of cleaning up our childhood dog's poo from our garden, which I deeply resented as I hadn't chosen to have her. But he should handle it in the proper way, by talking to the cat's owners.

His attitude is very disturbing, actually wanting a cat to be accidentally run over. I've had 2 cats run over, it's devastating.

Creepy and highly unattractive.

Cats just scratch over their poo a bit; they don't dig a hole or check to see whether it's covered up properly. But they don't usually do it in the middle of a lawn or on a path; your children are unlikely to step in it unless they are in your flower beds. And this cat obviously won't be the only source of germs in your garden.

Is he having issues with his role as a new father? Feeling a bit left out and at a loss?

We did the nails on the wall as our lovely garden turned into a toilet.
they don't come in anymore.
We bought ours though it was in a strip, went back to buy more for another fence but they were all gone.
I agree with your dh they are disgusting.
I don't think cats should be allowed as pets as they aren't domesticated and want to roam free.
People aren't responsible for their shit, tell dh to shovel it up and put it through their letter box.

The motion activated sprinkler is your ideal solution here.

Cats hate water but it won’t harm them. Once set up they do their thing without your DH having to prowl and constantly check at the window.

My cat poos on our grass. It is very annoying, especially when we have a perfectly good litter tray inside! However I was only thinking the other day, I’d rather that than put up with the constant racket of a dog barking - the house at the back of us has a beast of a dog who goes mad (when he’s left on his own and the people are out) if I step into my garden, barking, growling and clawing the fence. He keeps it up for ages. At least I can pick up the cat poo and that’s that, listening to this dog noise racket over the summer has been extremely annoying. Does my head in.

I'm a bit like that, with my NDNs dog. I obsess over it barking. It's ruined my life to the point I've moved in with my elderly father to get away. I suffer severe depression and anxiety. I really think he may be unwell because it's not normal behaviour, and that's coming from me.

This idea that cats poo neatly and bury it is not true. I have so much cat poo in my garden, it's gross. If I cover all the earth they poo on the patio. I do live in a terrace and it's likely to be overlapping territories because the owners say they don't get poo in their gardens. It really is gross. I wouldn't go to your husband's lengths and I otherwise quite like cats but it's no better than random dogs using your garden as a loo which I imagine pps wouldn't like much.

Ps yes in the middle of the lawn too.

I still can't get my head around anyone thinking it's ok to put nails in a fence and injure an animal. No matter how annoying you find it pooing, I just don't understand willingly hurting an animal. But I'm an evil cat owner so I suppose i wouldn't understand.
Just to point out my cat isn't evil, actually it refuses to poo outside but will wee. Doesn't leave our garden though. Also doesn't kill birds. I'm beginning to think he's not a real cat.

Cat poo is horrible, dangerous to children and disgusting to encounter when gardening. But, sensible precautions, like gloves, removing it and putting netting over areas of new planting are quite effective, in a low-key getting-on-with-life sort of way.

The emergence of mental health problems is a clear possibility here. Or, is this the emergence of his grumpy, insular, middle-aged persona?

IME vindictiveness and an early, casual resort to violence are normal characteristics for men, while being present but exceptional for women. This could easily be part of who he's always been.

Haven't read the thread, but I can recommend a motion activated water sprayer. We have one as our cat likes to poo on the lawn. It completely stopped it and we have taken it out for the summer and he hasn't gone back to it.

Maybe he is visiting you? :)

I would be concerned your DH has some form of postnatal depression and push him to talk to someone, that level of obsession is worrying.

My DH hates squirrels and is obsessed with them digging in the lawn and eating all our bulbs - the little fuckers are so destructive - and they ARE vermin so I can kind of understand the OP's DH's issue with the cat. Cat shit is absolutely revolting too - not only does it stink - but its full of parasites.

Yes, try ROAR, as that is a harmless product that might well do the job. Otherwise, consider getting (or perhaps borrowing?) a dog. They are a great cat deterrent - particularly terriers.

Apart from actively trying to hurt the cat my DH sounds very much like yours. Teabags and satsuma peel all over the garden, cat scarers and a water pistol are my DH's weapons of choice (none of which work). He's even jumped out of the window to chase away cats in the garden before.

I leave him to it - cat poo is revolting but it's his obsession. I would ignore the phone calls for updates during the day though. tell him you're busy with the baby and can't get to the phone.