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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is obsessed with NDN’s cat

227 replies

Crazycatmanhelp · 02/10/2018 08:12

Our neighbour’s cat has started pooing in our garden. We’re not really sure why as we’ve lived here for 2 1/2 years and it’s only started doing it in the last few months. I find it irritating but as someone who grew up with cats accept its par for the course.

Anyway my DH has become obsessed with stopping this cat from pooing in the garden. He stares at the garden waiting for the cat to make an appearance so he can run out and chase it off. He’s bought a high pitched cat deterrent thing and sprayed lemon juice on the grass, neither of which work. I caught him hammering nails into the fence the other day so the cat would injure itself when jumping up which I made him take down. He’s made himself late for work waiting for the cat so be can scare it. He talks about it every day, calls me from work to ask for updates on the cat (I’m in Mat leave).

It sounds ridiculous but his obsession with this cat is really getting me down. He is otherwise a wonderful husband and father. But I hate this nasty streak he’s showing. The glee on his face when he terrifies this poor cat is unpleasant. He’s even talked jokingly about how he’d love it to accidentally get run over by a car.

I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says he doesn’t want poo in the garden for the DC to potentially step in which I understand but this behaviour still isn’t normal surely?

AIBU to be annoyed by his behaviour? What do I do?!

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 02/10/2018 14:12

Not at all. It is an issue on which I'm knowledgable and I do prefer to get facts right. Eradicating grey squirrels from the UK is not a conservation, or any other sort of priority. It would cost £billions. That places it at the 'utterly fanciful notion' end of any cost benefit analysis. In most of England, squirrels used to be red, they are now grey. Any harm caused to an individual animal is just and only that.

It is - in terms of the behaviour of those men who do trap and drown squirrels; as I said at the outset, I've met quite a few - very relevant to the OP. My point to her and of relevance to the discussion is that sort of violent, vindictive behaviour is not as unusual as we might think. Violence as a first or second, rather than a last resort and especially in the vindictive mode she describes, is far more common amongst men than women, to the extent of counting as within the range of 'normal' IME. (That's the point I thought would provoke outrage and incredulity, not the particular illustrative example).

Shambu · 02/10/2018 14:55

Selfish beyond belief to let them roam and shit everywhere.

Like dogs you mean...

There speaks someone who's never tried to control a cat. 🤣

The idea that fencing would keep them in is hilarious.

I can't bear dog shit but I accept people love dogs and want to own them and dog shit is part of life.

RomanyRoots · 02/10/2018 15:09

Just out of interest the people that want cat owners to keep cats in their gardens, what should we do about our front doors?

Put the cat somewhere else when you open the door. Confused
Some people have flaps in their door encouraging their pet to shit in someone's garden.
I think it's selfish to own a pet you can't control or refuse to, expecting others to put up with their shit.

ravenmum · 02/10/2018 15:30

Cats have been allowed to roam the streets for centuries, and are still widely accepted or even appreciated by many people, even those with no pets of their own. You think people should lock their cat indoors or barricade their garden to pander to the preferences of potential cat haters who might live down the road?

My neighbours park their car in front of my window at night and have conversations so loud that I can't sleep with the window open. Another neighbour plays really dreadful swing music on loop, presumably for his job. The neighbours upstairs have a son who screams his head off and stamps on the floor. Why do I not go and leave them all passive aggressive notes or shoot them evil looks? Because I can't guarantee that I will always be the lovely neighbour who doesn't annoy anyone.

I assume that those complaining about their neighbours' cats believe in "do as you would be done by", and apply the same standards to themselves. When I was younger I used to spend far too much time and brainpower worrying about annoying other people (it was a real issue for me), so I sympathise with you for putting yourselves under that much pressure.

VickieCherry · 02/10/2018 15:56

I would love to know how exactly I keep my cat in my garden. Even if I used the cat-proofing paraphenalia I've seen on here (and I've never actually seen a video of it in use, so forgive me a raised eyebrow as to whether it actually works), he could:

  1. Jump out of the bedroom or bathroom window onto the conservatory.
  2. Jump out of the spare room window onto the porch roof.
  3. Jump into the shrub in next door's garden.
  4. Jump into the oak tree behind our garden (council owned woodland).
SoyDora · 02/10/2018 15:57

I can't bear dog shit but I accept people love dogs and want to own them and dog shit is part of life

I pick up my dog’s shit. He doesn’t shit on other people’s gardens. Every single morning I have to pick 2-3 cat shits up off my garden (I don’t own a cat) so my children don’t stand in it.

Dobbythesockelf · 02/10/2018 16:12

But sometimes I leave my house for a whole day. Should I shut my cat away in only 1 room of the house just so it doesn't escape when I enter the house? I do know what cat flaps are by the way....
My cat will climb out if a window if it couldnt get out of the door so I would also never be able to open windows more than an inch.
Cats can't be controlled, believe me I have tried to get mine to stop jumping on the kitchen counters the fuckers still do it.
Not all dog owners pick up their dogs shit btw.
Cats roam it's just in their nature, you can't compare them to dogs cause they are just not the same.

Shambu · 02/10/2018 16:12

And yet wherever you go in London there is always dog shit. Many people don't pick it up and it really stinks.

I actually dislike dogs but I'm not suggesting dog owners change their habits for me.

I think it's selfish to own a pet you can't control or refuse to

You seem to have a very odd idea of what is actually realistic with cats: you can't control them. Some cats don't go beyond their own garden, some roam over a wide territory.

People don't control their dogs, x number of people and other dogs per year are injured by aggressive dogs.

Dobbythesockelf · 02/10/2018 16:15

I would quite enjoy watching someone try to catch my parents cat and shut it away every time someone had to open the door. It would be good exercise if nothing else.

SoyDora · 02/10/2018 16:16

Well luckily I don’t live in London Shambu and people round here pick up after their dogs.
Don’t pick up after their cats though.

SoyDora · 02/10/2018 16:17

And cat shit stinks too!

Shambu · 02/10/2018 16:22

I've never been anywhere in this country that was completely dog shit free. Many people have pooperscoopers, but not everyone clears up after their dogs, full stop.

BewareOfDragons · 02/10/2018 16:25

I would be very concerned about this level of obsession and his actual attempt to harm the cat (with nails). I would make clear that harming the cat is not an option and you're very angry and concerned that he would suggest such a thing.

I would ask him to book an appointment with the GP; he sounds like's become obsessed in a scary way ... struggling with something, clearly. Mental health would be a concern...

SoyDora · 02/10/2018 16:28

Yes you’re right Shambu, some disgusting people don’t pick up after their dogs. How many people pick up after their cats?
As I said, every single day I have to pick up at least 2 (usually more) cat shits from my garden to avoid my DC standing in them. I don’t have a cat.

juneau · 02/10/2018 16:33

Eradicating grey squirrels from the UK is not a conservation, or any other sort of priority. Actually, I think you'll find it is. An EU directive urged just that in 2015. Of course, we're now leaving the EU, but eradicating grey squirrels and other invasive species is something that is regularly discussed in the environmental press. I suspect it would be nigh on impossible, as the little bastards are everywhere, but this comment "squirrels used to be red, they are now grey" gives a fluffy and 'Oh well, never mind', sort of take on what was an aggressive takeover of this island by an invasive species, which does not belong here. This article details the various attempts that are being made across Europe to eradicate invaders and it is still ongoing:

www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/sep/25/eu-clamps-down-on-grey-squirrels-and-other-invasive-wildlife

longestlurkerever · 02/10/2018 16:44

Is there no way to train cats to use a litter tray though?

Dobbythesockelf · 02/10/2018 16:49

Most cats do use litter trays when they are in the house. My cats do as do my parents. But if they get outside they will roam for miles if they are that way inclined. Some cats will refuse to use a litter tray. I used to have a cat that would not use the same litter tray for pee and poo and if he had pood in the tray and you hadn't cleaned it, such as if you were at work, he would not use it till it was clean. If you haven't owned cats it's really difficult to explain how hard it is to control their behaviour. I'm pretty certain my cat has trained me more than I've trained them.

SoyDora · 02/10/2018 16:52

That’s why I wouldn’t have a cat. I know I can clean up after my own dog, but I don’t like the thought of other people having to clean after my pet.

GummyGoddess · 02/10/2018 17:07

But people can't clean up after their cats as cats aren't generally taken for walks, owners don't follow them around like dogs Confused

Cats aren't obedient pets like dogs, you can't stop them from doing anything. The best you can hope is that they don't do whatever it is while you're around. DH has a fixation with stopping cat1 jumping onto the kitchen worktops. The result is that she now deliberately only jumps on them when he's there! Doesn't bother when he's out.

Op, if it's out of character for your DH, perhaps there is something to the suggestion of a mental health issue? Could you tell him he's setting a bad example to your DC?

SoyDora · 02/10/2018 17:10

Exactly GummyGoddess. As I said, that’s why I wouldn’t have a cat. Why should someone else have to clean up after my pet to avoid their DC standing in their shit? I have to clean up after my neighbours cats every single morning.

GummyGoddess · 02/10/2018 17:15

Cat poop is disgusting, but pointless to say people don't clean up after them, it isn't possible!

As flamed as I'll get, I have two house cats, and yes, I do take them for walks when I can persuade them. Rather rare to get them out though, they claw at me and dig claws into things to avoid it usually. They don't poop outside of the house though.

SoyDora · 02/10/2018 17:17

I know it isn’t possible to clean up after your cat, that’s kind of my point. I really do resent cleaning up after my neighbours cats every single bloody morning though!

YellowOcelot · 02/10/2018 17:28

I developed an irrational hatred of cats not long before I had a mental breakdown. One day I was in floods of tears and didn't go to work because a cat brushed past me and there were some hairs on my trousers. Looking back I know that was very unreasonable, but at the time it seemed like the end of the world. Maybe DH isn't very well.

Shambu · 02/10/2018 17:37

How many people pick up after their cats?

My current cats don't go beyond the garden perimeter, but other cats roam widely. Are you suggesting cat owners go on a Krypton factor recce through their neighbours' back gardens looking for cat poo that may possibly belong to their cat (or not)?

I don't own a dog because they stink. Dogs owners' houses smell, even with dogs that are washed frequently. Owners don't generally notice or actually like the 'doggy smell'. Their hair gets on the furniture and the oil from their coats gets on your clothes. They lick their bums and then try and lick your face.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 02/10/2018 17:38

The mentality of cat owners baffles me. They throw their hands up and ask how they are supposed to keep their animals from roaming and causing damage, as though it isn’t their responsibility. If you can’t control them, you don’t have them.

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