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Original poster

Would you use your lounge pass if rest of your party didn’t have one?

298 replies

Havabiscuit · 02/10/2018 04:48

We are going on holiday with my Dad and Step mum. Df has early Alzheimer’s and wants to visit his favourite restaurant in Spain. We have a timeshare out there. Glad to help out.
However Sm has been weird, she is a bit of a controller I know but now dreading whole thing. I originally wanted to book early morning flights. They are silly o clock but cheap. She thought this was too much for df so we booked more expensive flights 10am. Today, when suggesting joint taxi to airport it turns out she wants to go early and use her lounge passes for breakfast. “Unfortunately” she laughs “we can’t get you in as guests, you will have pay £25”
I’m fuming and don’t want to go. ( or at least don’t want her to go)

OP posts:
companylovesmisery · 02/10/2018 08:03

You should be on your hands and knees thanking her for her loving care not whining on here.

WTF? She’s his partner! Not an unpaid volunteer from the hospital!

DisrespectfulAdultFemale · 02/10/2018 08:03

Your dad has Alzheimer's. Make the use of every moment you can spend with him. Years down the road you will have forgotten the £25 but will remember having been able to spend time with him.

KinCat · 02/10/2018 08:09

I'd suck it up if I were you. You say your stepmum is being controlling and weird but you are doing the same wanting to book really early flights and not wanting them to go in the lounge.

loveka · 02/10/2018 08:10

It comes across that you don't like her.

An early flight would not have been good for your dad, so she made the right choice there.

She is right to use her lounge access as it is much quieter in there (although in my experience those people imagining a breakfast feast are wide of the mark!)

I wouldn't pay £25 for me or anyone else to use the lounge unless i was going to be in it for a ling time. If it's only half an hour for coffee and a croissant it really isn't worth it, so she is right not to pay for you.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 02/10/2018 08:11

On paper, the later flight and the lounge make sense to accommodate your father.
However, I would have a major issue wth the WAY she said ‘youll have to stay outside or fork out £25’ because
1- she never talked about the plans for the Lounge
2- it feels like she knows you won’t want/be able to spend £25 to enter
In effect because it looks like she is trying to push you out

Or maybe, as you said, it’s her controlling side that is coming out.

There are only two ways to react

  • you make a fuss and tell her exactly what you think and that you won’t let her push you out.
  • you ignore, ignore and ignore with an added big yawn
companylovesmisery · 02/10/2018 08:14

KinCat The difference is it’s the OP’s holiday place that she’s invited the sm to. As host she is allowed make the plans! As a guest the sm should not be so rude. If she doesn’t like the plans she should decline the invitation.

sulflower · 02/10/2018 08:14

Strange she can't get you in as guests. Our current (and past) lounge subscription allows guests at 15 quid each.

LittleBookofCalm · 02/10/2018 08:15

today when suggesting joint taxis to the airport she made this suggestion.

does this mean she doesnt want a joint taxi?,

ineedaholidaynow · 02/10/2018 08:15

Is your SM normally like this, or have you just noticed this attitude for this trip?

I think everything she has suggested for your DF sounds fair, but it would have been nice if she had offered to buy you lounge tickets. However, if you are struggling with her, I would take the opportunity to have some time away from her, as it sounds as if the holiday is going to be quite stressful.

Apart from going to the special restaurant do you have other plans whilst away? Will you be doing things separately, how are costs being split?

LittleBookofCalm · 02/10/2018 08:16

does she want to go early for breakfast and meet your there?

NonaGrey · 02/10/2018 08:16

No point trying to pick a fight with me with your patronising statements because you’ve woken up in a mood lol! Find someone else to take your anger out on

Not angry Company, not trying to pick a fight, not in a mood.

I just disagree with you.

LittleBookofCalm · 02/10/2018 08:17

perhaps she is just as anxious about the holiday as you are op.
give each other space and the number one priority is your DF

PARunnerGirl · 02/10/2018 08:25

I’d just go as usual an hour or so before the flight and meet them at the gate. I think this will be more of a relaxed start to what sounds like a holiday where you will need to bite your tongue every now and then!

I’ve got a gold BA executive club membership and although the bacon rolls are Ok, breakfast is definitely nothing to get worked up about missing! Smile

ReadMyLipss · 02/10/2018 08:25

I really don't actually understand what you want from her.

Do you want them to not use it themselves because you can't, or do you want them to pay for you, a grown adult??

It sounds really petty and I honestly think 'fuming' is way OTT of a reaction.

NotNachoing · 02/10/2018 08:25
  1. Wake up later, have breakfast at yours, pay more for a taxi, check in yourselves and meet them at the gate.
  1. Wake up early, save on taxi, then
a) spend £50 (OP says "we", so not alone) to use lounge for free breakfast with them b) hang around airport c) have overpriced breakfast in airport cafe and then meet at gate.

I know which I'd be choosing at the start of a week with her!

And if DF will find the airport confusing so can't get up earlier for the earlier flight, how is it better for him to get up earlier for the later flight so he can spend more time in the airport? Lounges are calm, yes, but they're still an unfamiliar place.

I don't think she's pushing you out. I think she's someone who likes her comforts when flying and likes to think that she's got this pass to the lounge so it's in some way exclusive, making her feel good about herself. I think it's a lot to do with her and actually nothing to do with you. So I'd not give her the satisfaction.

And the holiday won't be ruined by OP meeting them at the gate.

Haireverywhere · 02/10/2018 08:31

Haven't RTFT but I wouldn't mind someone going in the lounge if I chose not to pay or couldn't afford to.

Hope you have a lovely time with DF.

companylovesmisery · 02/10/2018 08:32

NonaGrey You say you are not trying to pick a fight with me, that you just disagree, yet you spoke directly to me and commented on my attitude (saying it was appalling) and my personality (saying I lacked empathy) rather than just saying you disagreed with me and adding something useful for the OP.

I agree with pp who said she is just thinking of herself. She shouldn’t be controlling this holiday OP, she has judged it wrong. I can understand why you are put out. Your father, her husband. Your holiday place, her, er, free or cheap holiday. She should be grateful to you, not calling the shots. Sorry she isn’t nicer.

Blackoutblinds · 02/10/2018 08:33

I’m wondering who the “we” is and if it includes small children.

LillianGish · 02/10/2018 08:36

This holiday is about your dad so put him first. Your step mother is caring day to day so thank goodness she is controlling - she probably needs to be. Share a taxi to the airport, let them go in the lounge (think of it as a break from her!) You may need to bite your lip at times on this trip, but you’ll probably have many more holidays at your time share so concentrate on making this one nice for your dad’s sake. You won’t get this time back. The most important thing is to know your dad is is in good hands - if your step mother is doing a good job of caring for him I’d be prepared to cut her a bit of slack. You’ve agreed to the holiday, so take a few deep breaths and make the best of it. otherwise it completely defeats the object.

Loonoon · 02/10/2018 08:44

I often travel with people who have access to the lounges when I don’t. It’s never occurred to me that they should sacrifice that little luxury to slum it with me while we wait. Sometimes I pay the extra to join them but considering it’s pretty much the crack of dawn so you won’t be drinking alcohol it doesn’t seem worth it for free wi-fi and a croissant Save your money and get an extra hour in bed.

Look on it as a reprieve that you don’t have to spend time at the airport with her. It also sets a precedent for the rest of the holiday that you don’t have to be joined at the hip but can spend time on separate pursuits if you prefer.

I hope your Dad enjoys his restaurant.

Poppins2016 · 02/10/2018 08:45

£25 is a lot of money just for breakfast. I wouldn't want to be paying that and would decline to use the lounge.

I don't agree with other posters that you should suck it up, pay £25 each for lounge access and help SM with your father/baggage. Your SM is perfectly capable of looking after your father day to day and will therefore be capable of asking for assistance at the airport, if needed. If SM requires your assistance, she can ask for it and can facilitate access to the lounge if she wishes.

I wonder, seeing as she laughed, SM actually expects you not to use the lounge? She probably sees it as an 'exclusive' treat just for them. On the other hand, as it's a free perk (and of course, a better environment for your DF) it probably doesn't occur to her not to use it. I do think it's mean not to contribute towards you joining them and/or not to ask if it's ok. It's not being very inclusive given that it's the start of a joint holiday!

Is this out of character or does SM have form for this?
Either way. I would acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are valid and that your SM is being unreasonable. Stick to boundaries if necessary (i.e. not being railroaded into paying for expensive things you don't want to) and then breathe. Let it wash over you, enjoy your time with DF and enjoy your holiday. Don't let this spoil your trip. Life is truly too short.

Geraldine170 · 02/10/2018 08:50

You’re going to have to get used to this OP. My Dad has an illness which requires care and you do have to take that into account. Your SM & DF aren’t going to be able to jump up, brush their teeth and throw on some clothes then jump on a plane anymore. SM probably has to give your DF some assistance to get ready and is probably right about the early flights. They’re not going to be able to choose their breakfast off hot plates and weave around a restaurant with them on a tray either. They not going to manage sandwich on the run or hot food on an airplane tray either. Plus as his illness progresses they’re going to have less money to throw around as they may well need to pay for care.

I’m sorry to be brutal OP, but having been through this myself you’re going to need to get used to this as your new normal.

companylovesmisery · 02/10/2018 08:50

It also sets a precedent for the rest of the holiday that you don’t have to be joined at the hip but can spend time on separate pursuits if you prefer.

Yes, good point. I think you have to bite your toungue for your father’s sake but you are allowed to be annoyed at her attitude. Vent here throughout your stay!

Findingdotty · 02/10/2018 08:54

She is being a bit rude but I wouldn’t let it worry you. Just enjoy your own space in the taxi and at the airport before a week with them. You could still share the taxi and part at the airport for a while, get breakfast and some peace on your own. My focus would be on creating a good trip for your DF.

Geraldine170 · 02/10/2018 08:58

£25 is a lot of money just for breakfast. I wouldn't want to be paying that and would decline to use the lounge.

So it’s too much for OP to pay, but it’s fine for her to expect DF & SM to pay it for her?

OP, you are being given some awful advice here. I suspect by the end of your holiday after spending time with them you may realise how much SM is already doing for him and how much they have already had to change their lives to accommodate his illness.

Bear in mind, depending on how fast

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