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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you use your lounge pass if rest of your party didn’t have one?

298 replies

Havabiscuit · 02/10/2018 04:48

We are going on holiday with my Dad and Step mum. Df has early Alzheimer’s and wants to visit his favourite restaurant in Spain. We have a timeshare out there. Glad to help out.
However Sm has been weird, she is a bit of a controller I know but now dreading whole thing. I originally wanted to book early morning flights. They are silly o clock but cheap. She thought this was too much for df so we booked more expensive flights 10am. Today, when suggesting joint taxi to airport it turns out she wants to go early and use her lounge passes for breakfast. “Unfortunately” she laughs “we can’t get you in as guests, you will have pay £25”
I’m fuming and don’t want to go. ( or at least don’t want her to go)

OP posts:
Original poster
Havabiscuit · 03/10/2018 21:38

The awkwardness ( problem too big a word for it) is more about that patronising attitude she has. Used to annoy me far more when I was younger. I think she has always thought my Dad was perfect apart from she wished he didn’t have kids. She definitely tried to drive a wedge when we were in our teens so we didn’t like her at all. Over the years, we have all settled down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Havabiscuit · 03/10/2018 21:41

strongmummy
That’s my conclusion but you need to read full thread.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 03/10/2018 21:53

Just don't go in the lounge? Meet them later at the gate?

manicmij · 03/10/2018 22:09

Some bank accounts give access to airport lounges usually allowing guests to accompany a/c holders. Maybe thats how SM has access. Or maybe she is a frequent flyer or just bought them. Just buy one yourself or enjoy the time to yourself, you will be in their company for the holiday after all. SM does seem inconsiderate though and mean not to have ensured you too could access the lounge. Hope the holiday goes well.

Original poster
Havabiscuit · 03/10/2018 22:12

It’s a Dragon pass. Comes with their bank account.

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 03/10/2018 23:06

@Havabiscuit, I’m glad you came to that conclusion. Now try and enjoy your holiday

ToftyAC · 03/10/2018 23:53

I find it v rude. But the lounge may be good for your dad. In your position I’d welcome the time not being with the miserable battleaxe.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 04/10/2018 00:04

Havabiscuit I really can’t read the whole thread but surely the basic facts are that your dad is unwell and is going on a lovely holiday to place he loves with people he loves and you are getting arsey about the fact that step mum is taking him pre flight to a very nice lounge which they have access to, and if you want to join them have to pay £25?
Isn’t it all about your dad right now?

Notreallyhappy · 04/10/2018 07:16

This isn't really about your sm or you or the lounge pass..it's about your dad...soon enough he won't be here and you counting £50 As an issue. Pay the money to make sure your dad is safe and smile at the sm because she has to deal with thus as well.

rookiemere · 04/10/2018 07:34

I do wish people would read the thread or at least OPs comments before posting

But regardless of everything I hate this notion that not wanting to spend £25 x at least 2 shows stinginess and lack of love. For most people it's a heck of a lot of money.

TrickyD · 04/10/2018 07:42

If the SM has a Dragon Pass, she can take guests in and will be charged £16 per guest, not £25. It will appear on her credit card account. You can repay her. Just tell her this is what you want to do. £32 for two breakfasts and a couple of drinks is a decent deal.

WingsofNylon · 04/10/2018 07:57

A nice breakfast and a reasonable time flight is a much better option for an unwell person that an early flight, even if the times work out to be the same.

I'm guessing from your dad's request he believes this might be one of his last lucid holidays? I'd say put your ego aside and allow him to have as good a time as possible. Eat your own breakfast outside the lounge. Give your self space from slightly annoying SM. This trip is likely to be stressful for everyone. Embrace the chances to get some space and shield your father from noticing the strain.

spacemobile · 04/10/2018 08:37

Read the thread people!

spacemobile · 04/10/2018 08:38

This is not about breakfast!

Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2018 09:26

ferrier, it won't be about the same time to leave. The first option might have meant no breakfast and a rush for the OP's Father. The second option means that it won't be as stressful.

""Been thinking that Sm is probably very conflicted.
Dads illness is stepping up. In the past she has been able to lord it up over us quite a bit and we have been quite rude about her. Not to her face usually. Now she realises she needs our help. ""

It sounds as though they have been together a long time. She is losing her Husband, before he dies. There may be a time when he does not accept that she is his wife. I've been in a similar situation and it's heartbreaking. Unless you think that it was a financial match on her part, try to have some empathy.

You were shocked at how bad your Dad's balance had gone, so rushing him through an airport, or him sitting for an hour in comfort? She has made the best decision. I get that it was the way that it was said, but try to separate that, because that's who she is.

This trip is tinged with sadness, but it's about making the best of it. I had to live in the moment a lot when my Mum/Husband was in the last Months of their lives.

Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2018 09:28

I should have added, Focus on what your Dad needs and filter how it is said/done out.

Original poster
Havabiscuit · 04/10/2018 12:46

Thanks again all. I do appreciate comments which have helped me see through the red mist. We are all trying to focus on Dad and help him but also adjusting to our new roles. She will no doubt infuriate me on other occasions but I’m determined to rise above it.
It’s a large apartment and my daughter and son in law coming for a few days to dilute the pressure a bit.

OP posts:
winniestone37 · 05/10/2018 17:05

Yeah it's annoying but if you take to mumsnet over it I'm guessing you're pretty annoying too.

spacemobile · 05/10/2018 20:18

winniestone37

Was there really any need to kick someone who came to a messageboard for some help?

Onlyfamandclosefknow · 05/10/2018 20:31

Glad to read it's helped OP.

amicissimma · 05/10/2018 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/10/2018 20:44

If the SM has a Dragon Pass, she can take guests in and will be charged £16 per guest, not £25. It will appear on her credit card account. You can repay her. Just tell her this is what you want to do. £32 for two breakfasts and a couple of drinks is a decent deal.

There you go, OP. TrickyD’s sorted it for you. If she doesn’t like that solution then you have my sympathies, she really is a miserable so and so. Have a lovely holiday with your Dad. 😊

sulflower · 06/10/2018 21:35

If the SM has a Dragon Pass, she can take guests in and will be charged £16 per guest, not £25. It will appear on her credit card account.

I think it varies depending on what bank you are with. We are £16 per guest through our bank but I think some with some other banks it costs £20 + per guest.

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