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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you use your lounge pass if rest of your party didn’t have one?

298 replies

Havabiscuit · 02/10/2018 04:48

We are going on holiday with my Dad and Step mum. Df has early Alzheimer’s and wants to visit his favourite restaurant in Spain. We have a timeshare out there. Glad to help out.
However Sm has been weird, she is a bit of a controller I know but now dreading whole thing. I originally wanted to book early morning flights. They are silly o clock but cheap. She thought this was too much for df so we booked more expensive flights 10am. Today, when suggesting joint taxi to airport it turns out she wants to go early and use her lounge passes for breakfast. “Unfortunately” she laughs “we can’t get you in as guests, you will have pay £25”
I’m fuming and don’t want to go. ( or at least don’t want her to go)

OP posts:
WerewolfNumber1 · 02/10/2018 07:22

Her suggestions are definitely best for your dad. You clearly don’t like her but for your dad’s Sake just make an effort and get on. I assume ahe’ll Be doing the bulk of caring for your dad as his condition worsens, so you really need to work as a team and support her.

Quartz2208 · 02/10/2018 07:22

Your Dad has early stages of Alzheimer’s of course she is controlling she is trying to make everything ok for him and as smooth as possible.

She is likely right early flights too much (it’s the busiest time at most airports) and the lounge is likely to be a quieter environment. People aren’t allowed in on other passes and you would have to pay. Getting him there in plenty of time is also the best option

OP she is the one day to day dealing with this.

Bluntness100 · 02/10/2018 07:28

I really don't understand the big issue here, you say "we" are going on holiday so it's not like you're on your own. They go early get their breakfast and meet you guys later. You can get breakfast elsewhere.

You're not a kid, I'm sure you can both go for your own breakfast,

I really don't see why they shouldn't go, or why they should pay for breakfast for you guys, you're adults, sort yourselves out.

trojanpony · 02/10/2018 07:28

Yabu

he has Alzheimer’s as we will his career for the foreseeable future - she has a long road ahead of her. Lounges are totally overhyped a bit rubbish imo but prob less busy for your dad

I really couldn’t get that excited about this.

InDubiousBattle · 02/10/2018 07:30

No, under normal circumstances I wouldn't use a lounge pass if the rest of my party didn't have one but your dad's condition does change things.Quartz is right, your sm's will soon become much more difficult, if it hasn't already and she's trying to make this trip as easy and straightforward as possible for herself and her dh. I would do the same in her position and I'm not a controlling cf. Just pay the £25 and enjoy the time with your dad. Life's too short.

companylovesmisery · 02/10/2018 07:33

NonaGrey And I think it’s an appalling attitude on behalf of the stepmother who is getting a free ride. She’s caring for her husband like anyone would. That doesn’t make her a saint, it makes her a partner to her husband, in sickness and in health and all that. I’m sure she’s perfectly capable of seeing herself around an airport she has chosen to have breakfast without her family in.

She wants out, let her have out.

Dollykitten · 02/10/2018 07:37

I think it is rude of her TBH. DH and I have lounge passes and if we were going away with our adult DCs I would treat them to the lounge!

pasturesgreen · 02/10/2018 07:37

In the circumstances, your SM is making sense I'm afraid. You may found it annoying, but she's right in what's best for your DF.

He is unwell, and there's absolutely no point adding to the stress of travelling by getting up at stupid o'clock for the sake of saving a few quids. I imagine the lounge is also a chance to get your DF out of the bustle and noise of the airport, which could be distressing for him. Ok-ish family relations are worth more than £25.

CantankerousCamel · 02/10/2018 07:38

So she doesn’t want to get early flights, this upsets you but quite obvious having earlier flights would mean that;

Father would not be able to get to the airport and have breakfast before taking off

Which would mean less time to prepare for flight and more chance of outbreaks because of lack of routine

She has passes to a lounge where he can get a quiet breakfast but you want them to have breakfast with you in a busy cafe? Or not have breakfast at all before the flight?
What is it you actually want here, OP?

NonaGrey · 02/10/2018 07:40

Company your response is simply astonishing.

rookiemere · 02/10/2018 07:44

I think people are being unfair to the OP here. Just because the SMs DH has Alzheimer's it doesn't make her into a living saint and it sounds like there is history here.

I think you are forewarned here OP so have a think about how to manage things on holiday to alleviate the tension between you.

But I wouldn't be paying £25 per person when I didn't need to so I'd tell SM that you won't be going to the lounge. If you want to share a taxi to the airport and go somewhere else then fine, but it sounds like you need to agree who pays for what in advance.

ittakes2 · 02/10/2018 07:45

My father'n'law has dementia and we used to take him on holidays before things progressed to help create some lovely memories. To be honest she is right about the flight - sleep is already distrupted with dementia so it does make sense to get a sensible flight as hopefully this will reduce the affects for him on the other end of the holiday. She sounds like a twat about the breakfast though - but you have to remember this holiday is about your dad. You will be spending time on holiday with him - if I was you I would eat breakfast elsewhere so you can have a moment's peace away from her.

landoflostcontent · 02/10/2018 07:47

This might not be helpful but it is meant to be. Have noticed they are boarding much earlier than they used to. We used to use the airport lounge but unless we arrived at the airport at half past silly o'clock we didn't get to spend much time there. Last flight we only just had time to get a takeaway coffee, quick browse through dutyfree and a last minute loo trip and our flight was boarding. This was Bristol

gothefcktosleep · 02/10/2018 07:48

She’s being a knob

companylovesmisery · 02/10/2018 07:49

NonaGrey No point trying to pick a fight with me with your patronising statements because you’ve woken up in a mood lol! Find someone else to take your anger out on Smile

ScabbyBabby · 02/10/2018 07:50

Just aim to do the kindest thing by your dad and you won't go far wrong.

onedayiwillmissthis · 02/10/2018 07:52

You sound like you just don't like her. Shame. Cos she is the one who is caring for your Dad day in day out...she probably just wants to keep things as calm and stress free as possible.

Please try and be understanding and supportive of her.

It's far easier to be on the outside, getting on with your own life than to be looking after a partner whose mental capacities are diminishing, whose personality is changing...who you are...losing. Please don't add to her problems.

DaphneDiligaf · 02/10/2018 07:53

OP check your bank account as we have free lounge access through ours. We don't use it tho,as we eat breakfast at airport hotel and prefer to wander round Duty Free and peole watch. I love the bustle of the airport.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 02/10/2018 07:54

If I am travelling with a small group I usually don’t bother with using my lounge access as that is just being antisocial.

ChipsAreLife · 02/10/2018 07:54

She sounds rude. I get its better for your DF, but she should have asked rather than told you.

For me personally I'd just say see you on the plane. The airport lounge has little appeal to me. I'm going to be sat on the plane for hours with access to food and drink so I prefer to walk around. I also enjoy looking in duty free and getting my cosmetics cheaper. I understand if you need to sit of course for health reasons they're great but it's not for me.

harriethoyle · 02/10/2018 07:54

Often if you prebook lounge access it's cheaper xx

notacooldad · 02/10/2018 07:57

Don’t share a taxi. Let them go early to have breakfast and meet them at the gate. Let her have the angst of moving luggage, checking in alone and finding you later as she is the one who wants to do something without you

This ^^
I disagree. She may be rude but this holiday isn't about you to her. It's about your dad. Grit your teeth and get through it.

companylovesmisery · 02/10/2018 07:58

She’s caring for the man she married. Doesn’t make her a saint, makes her not nasty lol!

To tell the OP that she has to pay for herself when she is using her timeshare is crass. She didn’t have yo be invited. OP could have offered to take her own father alone. SM doesn’t have to offer to pay, she doesn’t have to not use the lounge, she just didn’t need to do the tinkly laugh and tell the OP that she has to pay for herself. She could have said that she thought it would be better for father to use the lounge and did she mind and I expect she wouldn’t have minded at all.

She wouldn’t go early to save the OP money, she tells her that she has to pay to be with them... she’s not nice.

ToeOfFrog · 02/10/2018 07:59

She's caring for your DF who is going to become very ill. You should be on your hands and knees thanking her for her loving care not whining on here.

She is trying to make the trip as comfortable as possible for your DF and you are moaning about cost. Give yourself a good shake, OP.

Havaina · 02/10/2018 08:01

I completely agree with companylivesmisery

And I believe the OP when she says the SM is weird and controlling.

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