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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you use your lounge pass if rest of your party didn’t have one?

298 replies

Havabiscuit · 02/10/2018 04:48

We are going on holiday with my Dad and Step mum. Df has early Alzheimer’s and wants to visit his favourite restaurant in Spain. We have a timeshare out there. Glad to help out.
However Sm has been weird, she is a bit of a controller I know but now dreading whole thing. I originally wanted to book early morning flights. They are silly o clock but cheap. She thought this was too much for df so we booked more expensive flights 10am. Today, when suggesting joint taxi to airport it turns out she wants to go early and use her lounge passes for breakfast. “Unfortunately” she laughs “we can’t get you in as guests, you will have pay £25”
I’m fuming and don’t want to go. ( or at least don’t want her to go)

OP posts:
WhackyBirds · 02/10/2018 16:58

I don’t think the op is fixated on breakfast at all! I think, as she says in her post, that she feels that the SM is being controlling about the trip to her holiday home.

diddl · 02/10/2018 17:04

"she feels that the SM is being controlling about the trip to her holiday home."

That's how Op feels, but it doesn't necessarily make it so, does it?

SM hasn't wanted to do what Op has, but what we don't know (unless I've missed it) is whether Op was badgered by SM into changing flights, or could have done as she wanted.

WhackyBirds · 02/10/2018 17:49

diddl I think it’s important how the OP feels. That’s why she posted. We don’t know if she was badgered or whether she is just trying to keep the peace for her dad’s sake. Either way she changed plans, spent more money, because of this woman who then went on to tell her no again!

diddl · 02/10/2018 18:10

Oh of course yes, how she feels is important-that doesn't mean that she should be feeling that way.

"Either way she changed plans, spent more money, because of this woman well no, for her dad, really.

BlueJava · 02/10/2018 18:25

She's not very nice.. but I'd keep the peace for my DF. Good luck on the holiday she sounds hard to handle. Tbh if the flight is at 10 it's not like she'll get loads of time for her 25 quid!

PattiStanger · 02/10/2018 18:33

The OP hasn't been back to add any extra information yet posters have made all kinds of assumptions during the day.

No one knows the facts of the situation, why not wait until she returns to explain it further

KOKOagainandagain · 02/10/2018 18:38

Airlines and airports offer assistance to people with disabilities or dementia. My autistic DC are allowed to use the lounge as is a carer. Relatives do not get discretionary sign in rates as this is not a paid for perk. Are you sure this is not the case?

WelcomeToShootingStars · 02/10/2018 19:30

Taking the OP at face value, I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

The time of the flights - as the trip is for the father then surely it makes sense to accommodate him as best as possible??

Travelling to the airport - there's no requirement to travel to the airport together. There could be many reasons someone would choose not to. Personally I always opt to meet at the gate.

Airport lounge - the stepmother has told OP she will be using the lounge. OP is perfectly free to purchase access if she so chooses to, or to do her own thing if she opts not to.

None of it is a big deal at all.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 02/10/2018 19:46

Just meet them at the airport.

Original poster
Havabiscuit · 02/10/2018 21:34

Sorry all - a busier day at work than usual so no time for update.
Yes. I’ve sucked up the more expensive later flight because I see it would be better for dad. I’m cross because she actually still wants to leave at virtually the same early time so she can be in the lounge for an hour (presumably whilst me and my husband hang about waiting).
I and my sh do lots to help btw and am aware she has the lions share and of the pressure she is under.
She’s a bit of a hyacinth bouquet which grated on me.
Thanks for all your perspectives.

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 02/10/2018 21:40

Enjoy this trip OP and forget about all this now Grin

BarbarianMum · 02/10/2018 21:50

My dad has dementia. Dh and I have been caring for him for 10 days whilst my mum has a much-needed break. When she comes home Im going to kiss her bloody feet (and dad's not even that bad yet).

OP enjoy your holiday. Try and make peace w your stepmum if you can. The two of you have a long, hard road ahead.

Original poster
Havabiscuit · 02/10/2018 22:21

Thanks barbarian
I know. My Dads not too bad yet either. Good days n bad days. We don’t leave him on his own for more than a couple of hours as he gets anxious that he hasn’t remembered the arrangements properly. .
I probably know more about the road ahead than sm does so I’m trying to bite my tongue and suck it up. She really winds me up the wrong way.
Best arrangements I make with my Df are when we go off on our own together for a walk and have lunch. We talk about childhood holidays n stuffwhich he remembers well.
Best of luck to both of us eh?

OP posts:
planetclom · 02/10/2018 23:07

Lots of it will be better for your Dad to be in the lounge missing entirely that he is not going to be in the lounge if I have read the OP correctly.
Only the Step Mum will be in the lounge. So the op and her Dad will be wandering round the airport and it maybe disorienting for you Dad. Check to see if you can get help at the airport, they often do these days.

planetclom · 02/10/2018 23:09

I apologise I thought you meant her husband not yours
.

I would enjoy the price to be fair. Have a lovely break

planetclom · 02/10/2018 23:10

Peace

serbska · 02/10/2018 23:12

I’ve sucked up the more expensive later flight because I see it would be better for dad. I’m cross because she actually still wants to leave at virtually the same early time so she can be in the lounge for an hour (presumably whilst me and my husband hang about waiting

Oh chill out.

If they are only planning an hour in the lounge that’s the amount of contingency time lots of people like to leave for getting to the airport anyway!

I’m sure you and your husband can bloody amuse yourselves for an hour without the lounge access.

OlennasWimple · 02/10/2018 23:20

Pay the £25 and eat your body weight in tiny croissants Wink

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/10/2018 07:45

I really don’t understand why people say “pay £25”. So that would be £50 for an hour? No thanks.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/10/2018 07:51

There is free breakfast and coffee available though. A full breakfast and a coffee in the airport could easily cost £15, so it's not that bad if it's a nicer environment than the main food court, which is always a bit of a scrum IME.

Plus if you look around you can usually get lounge access for a few quid less on Holiday Extras, Groupon etc.

wowfudge · 03/10/2018 08:08

It's not free coffee and breakfast though is it? You pay a premium to not eat in one of the airport 'restaurants'.

Quartz2208 · 03/10/2018 08:17

OP airport is waiting though - she wants to leave early to have plenty of time - i like to spend time there

Have a nice breakfast and drink with your husband somewhere else in the airport

Realjournal123 · 03/10/2018 17:39

You need to relax and not look for problems. It is how it is, she can't get you in for free, it's not her fault! It's not about you, it's about your father having a lovely time so dont spoil it for him. I lost my mum to Alzheimer's and I'd give the world to have her back and just enjoy being with her, a petty breakfast should be the farthest thing from your mind right now.

Pinkpeanut27 · 03/10/2018 17:41

It wouldn’t bother me , when we fly as a family my dh takes one of the older kids into the lounge and me and the other kids stay outside with food from home and a coffee . Seems a shame to waste it totally.

niccyb · 03/10/2018 17:45

To be fair sometimes the lounge passes work out cheaper (depending on what u like to do at the airport) as it’s unlimited drinks and buffet brrakfast and when u work out what u would spend at the airport.
You get it cheaper via holiday extras