Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wait until the end of the year to TTC due to school year

187 replies

florapomandalexander · 01/10/2018 20:47

DC 1 will be 2 in December and we are thinking about timing for dc2 as we are both really keen to have another child. We had talked about starting to ttc soon as not sure how long it will take etc, the only thing putting me off is that if I got pregnant over the next couple of months the potential baby would be among the youngest in their school year and this could put them at a disadvantage? I just feel like just turned 4 is so young to start school and there is such a difference between some of the older and younger ones at that point.

DH thinks it is not that big of a deal and shouldn't be a factor in our decision, we have family members who are summer born and it has not held them back etc but it just worries me a little. But then again we would prefer to not have too big an age gap and no idea how long it will take.

What would you do and wibu to wait just so they were in a different school year?

Thank you

OP posts:
glintandglide · 03/10/2018 18:43

When people say they were autumn born and bored stiff throughout school- without meaning to be unkind to your parents shouldn’t they have tried to resolve this? Putting you forward for selective schools if you were that able, or working with the school to challenge you?

Although tbf I know schools and parents of the 70s/80s were really different to now

ThriftyMcThrifty · 03/10/2018 19:01

Glintandglide I didn’t grow up in a city, so the school I went to was the only primary school. I don’t think my mum can be blamed for the school’s failings - she worked full time as a single mum and made sure I always had plenty of library books to read outside of school. She never picked me up or dropped me off so wasn’t involved with the school, I walked myself (can’t image doing that now, just 25 years later). I just think schooling back then was much less challenging for able kids, before the national curriculum was brought in. Today my nephew’s work is tailored to them (one SEN, one highly able) in a way that seems much more suitable. And they have much smaller classes too. I know people complain about the state of schooling in the UK today, but it was awful in the late 80s - at least where I grew up.

glintandglide · 03/10/2018 19:42

Yeah you’re right, my parents weren’t really involved with school either, I don’t think they really were.

TruelyTruelyScrumptious · 03/10/2018 19:44

FFT have done some interesting analysis about attainment , birth month, gender and fsm . Don't have it to hand but I will post it tomorrow.

surreygirl1987 · 03/10/2018 20:38

As a teacher and an educational researcher, yes it does make a difference but not as much as a huge variety of other variables. There is the option to defer although this is not widely taken.

PurpleFlower1983 · 03/10/2018 21:07

I was born in the latter half of August, I always had my birthday off school and now I’m a teacher I’m never working either. Summer born children are often behind their peers, particularly in the early years but in my experience they catch up by lower key stage 2.

ChocolateWombat · 03/10/2018 21:24

There are loads and loads of summer born children who do really well from the first moment in reception, to the end of school and beyond. No one is saying that there aren't, nor that any of the summer born children of MN parents are doomed to do less well, or that any individual parent has somehow failed their child by having a summer born child.

And of course lots of things other than month of birth impact achievement too and often more than month of birth - so things like mothers educational attainment level, level of support and involvement in education etc etc.

That said, it is also true that statistically, summer born children as a collective group, do less well than those born in the autumn. This means that some children are affected by being young in the year, whether that's emotionally or physically or academically.....some find it difficult at the start and don't ever close the gap, for all kinds of reasons. These are simply statistical facts and cannot be denied.....they don't mean that every summer born child will struggle or achieve less well, just that collectively as a group they do slightly less well. Some people seem to find the idea offensive or ludicrous or untrue, but as a collective statistic it is correct.

So what does that mean for deciding to conceive? Well perhaps something or nothing. It might sound important to some people and some people might then choose to try to conceive an Autumn born baby, although whether they will achieve it or not won't be fully within their control. In my mind,nthis is no different to any parent making choices about things they value and think will benefit their child. So some people will move house to get their children into a different school becaus they feel it will make a difference, whilst others won't consider that important and won't. Others will choose to take their children on lots of holidays or holidays in term time, because they value those experiences and think they will benefit their children, whilst others won't choose to spend on holidays or holidays in term time. Some parents might decide to save hard for their children towards university, whilst others might not. Some might decide that their children ahouldnspendnlots of time with family because it will benefit them, whilst others won't value this so much. The fact that some people choose to do things doesn't mean those who don't make those choices love their children less or that those children will have better or less good lives. Likewise, we know that many many children who are summer borns are hugely successful and that being summer born doesn't correlate with poor school attainment for all children at all. B the countless examples on here illustrate that......but they don't refute the fact that statistically, as a whole group,number borns achieve less well in school at each stage.

Other things in individual children and families will probably outweigh the birth month factor....so having caring, interested parents, or clever genes will usually have a bigger impact, which is why it is absolutely fine that most people don't give birth month a second thought. It is a factor, but only one amongst many.

Perhaps some people are keen to have control over as many things as they possibly can, whilst others are a little more relaxed, and this is reflected in attitude towards this issue.

No one is suggesting that those with summer borns have failed their children or their children are destined to do poorly, but some people do seem to respond very defensively.

As with all these things, tellingnthebworld loudly that you have made a choice or accessed something which might benefit your child which isn't available to all, is never going to go down well with other parents. They will be immediately defensive of their choices or dismissive of the impact of the choice of another.

ChocolateWombat · 03/10/2018 21:32

And here's some anecdata from me.....but bear in mind the anecdata of individuals doesn't supersede the overall statistics for a whole group, but may well be more applicable to an individual's situation.

I know parents of summer born teenagers, who still after all these years often mentionbthatbtheir child is 'young in the year' as a form of explanation for all kinds of thing. I have known parents of summer born teenagers who say their children have done really well, but that they feel they never reached their fullest potential, because they struggled in the early years and although their natural ability quickly became apparent, the confidence knock they had received and lower self belief due to early struggles, never fully left them until well into their teens and those parents believed if they'd had a more confident attitude earlier,nude to earlier success at schools, they would have achieved even more. I can also say that the 2 cleverest people I know are both August born and they would say that their birth month has never held them back in any way, but their cleverness still allows them to acknowledge the statistics that say overall Augsut borns do less well that Autumn borns.

In the end, all of our children are individuals not a data set. They all have many influences in their lives which will effect their time at school and beyond....some we have some control of and others we don't. This issue might be one small factor that some people might have some control over and choose to control if they can....absolutely fine. And for everyone else who can't control the month of birth or who just isn't interested in it, there are so many other influencing factors which have more impact.

But for the record, month of birth is an influencing factor, and we can't avoid that.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 04/10/2018 07:00

We tried to delay start for a year and we weren’t allowed, while I know of a December born who was allowed to start reception at 5.5.

I suppose whether you can delay or not depends on how mature or immature your kid “looks”. DS has always being very outgoing but was certainly not mature enough to hold a pencil or sit still. The other kid could hold pencils, sit doing crafts and drawing for literaly hours at the same age but he was very highly strung and was behaving as if he was 2 years younger than he was, crying at the slightest provocation and refusing to talk to anyone he had not known for years. Yes, my son’s teachers identified certain delays and he was given additional support (he is diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia is suspected). while the other kid, who has far more accentuated dyspraxia traits has not had any support for it (waiting may have not made any difference anyway, he is still having the tantrums and refusing to talk to people he doesn’t know extremely well and he was 14 this year).

It may be true that summer borns are more likely to be diagnosed with special needs, but that only means that a lot of kids with special needs, who started school being older, go through school more emotionally mature but with the special needs undiagnosed until it is too late to be able to do much about them (with many types of special needs, early intervention is KEY)

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 04/10/2018 08:17

I'm a teacher and totally cocked-up twice with the "let's have a September baby" plan. I have two August-borns!
Both are bright and have done well - ds sailed through 13 GCSEs with As and A*s and has just got a first in his science degree. Dd en route for similar.
So it doesn't need to be all doom and gloom. More of a pain has been organising birthday parties slap bang in the middle of August when everyone's away on holiday! And that all their friends in the same school year learned to drive long before they could. Ditto being able to legally go out and legally drink.
Minor stuff really though. If there's no age/medical reason to wait a month or two though, I probably would hang back a bit.

ilooovechristmas · 04/10/2018 17:51

Just so everyone knows, the only reason I don't want to conceive till after Christmas is because I don't want my 4 year old in school full time because I'm a soft ass and I'd cry everyday not because of 'smarter bigger funnier' Wink

tulippa · 05/10/2018 21:38

I had a elcs with ds which should have been scheduled for 31st August. This fell on a Sunday so I was given the choice of 29th August or 1st September. I went for 1st September without giving it a second thought. Why wouldn't I give ds the chance of an advantage if I could?

I am summer born and while I did fine academically, other kids would try to boss me around because they were older and as I got older it was rubbish being one of the last ones to learn to drive etc.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page