To wait until the end of the year to TTC due to school year

[florapomandalexander]

DC 1 will be 2 in December and we are thinking about timing for dc2 as we are both really keen to have another child. We had talked about starting to ttc soon as not sure how long it will take etc, the only thing putting me off is that if I got pregnant over the next couple of months the potential baby would be among the youngest in their school year and this could put them at a disadvantage? I just feel like just turned 4 is so young to start school and there is such a difference between some of the older and younger ones at that point.

DH thinks it is not that big of a deal and shouldn't be a factor in our decision, we have family members who are summer born and it has not held them back etc but it just worries me a little. But then again we would prefer to not have too big an age gap and no idea how long it will take.

What would you do and wibu to wait just so they were in a different school year?

Thank you

We’re cutrentky TTC and with age and not knowing how long it will take to conceive there’s no way we’d stop trying for a few months. I’d rather deal with possibly having a summer baby

Presumably you'll be checking with your September born child when they turn 18 that their assured success is all down to their month of birth?

Of course there are loads of summer borns who have no difficulties at school and are high fliers etc, but statistically, summer borns as a group do face some disadvantages, which are charted right through to GCSEs....this is based on the whole population, not individuals who will buck the general trend in both summer and autumn born.

I'd say, we are near to the time you'd have to wait until,mot get an Autumn born. Therefore I'd wait, in the knowledge that I might get lucky as it were and become pregnant immediately, but also be fine with the fact it might not work out and their might be a Christmas, or Soring or summer the following year baby, and that whenever the baby finally arrives will be just fine.

It's okay to have a top preference and to plan towards that, as long as you're fine with things not quite working to the timings you'd like in an ideal world. And it's not a criticism or judgement on anyone who has or will have a summer born. Some people seem to take this kind of thread as a personal criticism of them or their child. It really isn't.

Lots of people hope for an Autumn born. Teachers often do, partly as they can get paid over the summer,not hen start their maternity leave and return in time for July and another paid summer holiday....but mostly because they see the more macro effects across many children (rather than individuals) of being older or younger in the year,me specially earlier on. However, as said upthread, some might aim to avoid a winter baby because of the cold and health issues, or some might like a summer baby for enjoying being outside or avoiding being pregnant through the hottest part.

Nothing wrong with having a bit of a plan and aiming for it, as long as you know that babies don't come to order and are happy with whenever they eventually arrive.

And these kind of discussions are annoying for those who have been TTC for years....and who would just love to be pregnant, sometime, anytime. That said, some people are very fertile and can dictate the month of their child's birth.....lucky if you can. Fine to discuss on MN, but if you've done it and been lucky, best not to say it too loud too often in RL, because it does annoy people who either struggle to conceive or who take it as offence and criticism of their own summer borns.

Go for it Op. If it matters to you, then delay a few weeks and then try, it might work out or not, but if you don't try then, you won't know.

People thought we were mad when asked "when are you planning to have children? (In 2010) " And I replied "September 2012...

They didn't think you were mad, they thought you were hopelessly naive and a bit arrogant in imagining that the world would just give you what you wanted like that. Glad you got incredibly lucky and got exactly what you wanted, but that's not the norm or a sensible thing to expect.

I’ve see summer borns struggle In reception because they are so young, some can barely talk

If a child is neurologically typical I’m pretty sure they’re speaking by 4 years old......

I am a September born and, without sounding like a dick, quite clever. I was reading proper adult books by 6 and hence I was bored rigid throughout school to the point I gave up on it and went a bit off the rails. If I’d been the youngest in the year I might have found school a bit more enjoyable!

If you were reading proper adult books age 6 topsy I really doubt beingb9 months younger was going to make school less boring for you.

As an academically able August child I found reception fine. Ages 9-13 were pretty grim though, I always seemed so much younger than the others.

If age and fertility aren't an issue, then yes, I would wait until you can aim for an autumn baby. I think it makes a massive difference personally. I think many (obviously not all) younger ones struggle at the start of school, and then develop a negative self-esteem with regards to school, which then affects them in future years.

And I say that as someone who struggled to conceive. I obviously didn't wait until the 'perfect time' because I just wanted a baby, whenever it came!!!

If I’d been the youngest in the year I might have found school a bit more enjoyable!

This. I was the tallest, the oldest, was mature for my age anyway and was one of the most academically able. I found my classmates so immature. The effect was exacerbated by my being the oldest in the year whereas for DD1 the effect was reduced because she was July-born.

BarbarianMum

For all those saying they have an August baby and it's all fine, please remember that that's your opinion and that your child may have a different take on it. Wait til they're 18 then ask. Then you'll know.

I was born in August. When I was 18 I was fuming about my late birthday because my mates could go out drinking before me. I wouldn't take my 18 year old's opinion on the matter to heart.

I was always doing well at school, getting mostly As and a couple of Bs (damn statistics and PE).

A decade on now that I'm a proper adult I love it as nothing happens at work over August and I can take nice long holidays. I'm rarely at home for my birthday and if I am the weather tends to be good.

@ChocolateWombat

"Lots of people hope for an Autumn born. Teachers often do, partly as they can get paid over the summer,not hen start their maternity leave and return in time for July and another paid summer holiday....but mostly because they see the more macro effects across many children (rather than individuals) of being older or younger in the year,me specially earlier on."

I think your first reason is far more apt than your second. I am a teacher expecting an October baby, and have other teaching friends who have also aimed for this...but DEFINITELY for the first reason (i.e. to maximise our own maternity leave) and NOT the second (which honestly never crossed my mind and I have never heard any other teacher bring it up). The second reason is just so superficial as to be laughable.

To add to the anecdata, my husband is an August baby (the 27th to be precise). He's always been very tall, very mature for his age both physically and mentally, and is one of the most ludicrously intelligent people I know.

Late summer babies ARE disadvantaged and do worse academically and in sport. I believe the academic disadvantage doesn't mitigate until GCSE level.

Of course we all can say 'my August baby has 12 A*" but statistically, summer babies are more likely to struggle.

I would try to time it so you do not have a June - August baby. Especially July/August.

Yes, I know lots of female teachers with autumn born children, but male teachers with non-teacher wives seem to have theirs scattered through the year like everyone else, so I'm not sure it's really about seeing that summer born children are disadvantaged. My teacher DH certainly never raised it as an issue when we started TTC.

The second reason is just so superficial as to be laughable.

@Angelil As a teacher you have never heard about or read the vast body of research that shows summer born do worse? Hopefully you are secondary not primary teacher... but still.

This is just a guardian newspaper article, I don't have access or the time to dig out source studies but i;m sure as a child development professional you would be interested to learn more.

www.theguardian.com/world/2016/oct/14/what-happened-to-allowing-children-born-in-summer-to-start-school-later

Does it really make a difference when a child starts school?
It does. Children born in late summer – in July and August – will find themselves learning in the classroom alongside children who can be 11 or even 12 months older than them. The older children will be more physically capable; they will be able to concentrate better and their language skills will be more developed – an advantage that is then reinforced by praise and improved self-esteem. Children born in the summer also tend to perform worse academically than those born in the autumn. The differences are at their most pronounced soon after children start school, but the gap remains up to GCSEs and beyond.

So if you are born in July or August, you are likely to do worse in your GCSEs?
A report by the highly regarded Institute for Fiscal Studies concluded that children born in August are 6.4% less likely to achieve five GCSEs or equivalent at grades A* to C, and around 2% less likely to go to university at age 18 or 19 than children born in September.

Does the disadvantage persist in other areas of life?
The IFS argues that the effect fades over time and there is little evidence that it persists into adulthood. But in a feature titled How to build a champion: Be born at the right time, the BBC points to research into the possible impact of birth date on sporting success, particularly looking at football in England, ice hockey in Canada and competitors at the Beijing Olympics. English football mirrors the school calendar, in that children are divided into year groups based on whether they are born before or after 1 September. The study found that professional football youth academies in England for 16- to 20-year-olds were dominated by “older” players born at the start of the academic year. Figures for 2009 found that 57% of the footballers were born between September and December, compared to 14% who were summer-born. Similarly, 75% of footballers taking part in an under-17 European championship were born within that four-month window.

(Lucky he didn't because - irresponsible mother determined to doom my child academically that I am! - I only went and miscarried all my pregnancies with autumn/winter due dates and then carried to term my little boy born in July. We'll live with it...)

Sport wise a decent number work on year of birth rather than academic year- so the best time to be born is early January... also need to remember that until relatively recently summer borns got less time in reception so would be likely to have a negative effect.

Anecdotally DH and I are both summer born. I was generally sharing top of the year with my September born friend, he went to Cambridge to study vet med.

Our DD is August born - we're aware she is young so she is going to school nursery and has settled better than a lot of the older children. But we're middle class professionals so can offset a lot of school issues through pushy parenting if we need to!

On a personal level if hot summers are going to be a regular thing being pregnant with a September baby would be way more miserable than an early summer or later in the year due date. Am due in November and I spent this summer a miserable melting wreck! My previous experience giving birth in August was much more pleasant.

I am a summerborn child and I was always very mature and grown up for my age. I excelled at school and could read fluently within 3 months of starting school. By the time I went to juniors I had read every book they had in the school.
I believe it is down to the individual and not to when they were born

Yes YABU, unless you definitely know you will quickly and easily fall pregnant when you want to, and have a healthy pregnancy, planning for any sort of time of year is daft.

After losses we were just happy to finally have a healthy pregnancy.

Then DS1 was born a day early, making him the last day of the school year. He's just started and is coping fine - sure he's tired etc but ALL of his friends are too, they are ALL struggling to adjust to a big change including the September borns. We were given the option to differ a year but decided against it as he seemed more than ready and our decision was backed up by his pre-school and early years key worker.

DS2 is an early September baby, which I'm sure also has its challenges - again we are simply relieved he even exists.

Kindergartenkop has it right, if a summer born is born into a supportive family situation they should be fine.

I actually planned my two dcs to be born at the beginning of the school year and I was very fortunate that it worked. However, looking back, I was very naive and almost arrogant to think things happen that easily. Ironically my unplanned dc3 is one of the youngest in her year! She's doing fine though

I'd be more worried about them having a birthday round Christmas.

I'm a september born and I never liked being the oldest. I was always the cleverest at primary school and was having to wait for others to finish the work etc. I didn't start school till the end of year one either. I think being the youngest would have benefitted me. For a child at the other end of the ability spectrum (or a boy) it would probably be different. (or for a child in a more academic school).

As an adult everyone else has now caught up and I'm not that clever any more

I have a friend whose firstborn was due in early September and he ended up arriving around 28th August. She joked she was glad as it saved her a year's nursery fees.

Her birthday is in August so she knows what it's like to be a summerborn. Maybe she was just putting a positive gloss on it. That said, she's a pharmacist so it didn't hold her back.

Anecdotes are no replacement for research but both my summer born daughters are thriving at primary school - academically, socially etc. It probably helps that the school’s ethos, esp in the first year, is very relaxed, focus is very much on learning through play etc. Though I’d have still wanted that same ethos for a September born child.

Plus the idea of planning when to have children is obviously not always possible. (...having a little think about my late miscarriage that if born at full term would’ve been an October baby)

I considered this, but as you've pointed out already, it could take months to conceive. Also, a baby with a September due date could be born in August if premature. And to be honest, school in EYFS/Y1 isn't much different from day nursery, which many kids start before 1. Finally, in many local authorities you can delay kids starting school by a year if they're born between April and the end of August and you feel they're not ready. Overall, I wouldn't let it worry you.

I was a November baby and spent most of primary school bored stiff, I could read before I even started school and found the whole thing so tedious, waiting for everyone to catch up. I do think schools have improved since the 80s/90s, as there was no differentiation back then. I’ve deliverately had two summer babies, and have a third on the way. My oldest is seven and loves school, and is actually put into the next age group up for maths, so it certainly hasn’t done him any harm. I also sent him to a Spanish immersion school (we are in the us) to make life more challenging, as I really just didn’t want him to be bored.