Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wait until the end of the year to TTC due to school year

187 replies

florapomandalexander · 01/10/2018 20:47

DC 1 will be 2 in December and we are thinking about timing for dc2 as we are both really keen to have another child. We had talked about starting to ttc soon as not sure how long it will take etc, the only thing putting me off is that if I got pregnant over the next couple of months the potential baby would be among the youngest in their school year and this could put them at a disadvantage? I just feel like just turned 4 is so young to start school and there is such a difference between some of the older and younger ones at that point.

DH thinks it is not that big of a deal and shouldn't be a factor in our decision, we have family members who are summer born and it has not held them back etc but it just worries me a little. But then again we would prefer to not have too big an age gap and no idea how long it will take.

What would you do and wibu to wait just so they were in a different school year?

Thank you

OP posts:
SweetheartNeckline · 01/10/2018 21:55

I desperately wanted DC2 and would not have waited. I found the worry I'd be unable to conceive again (not a logical worry, I was young etc) too much and wanted them close in age - DH is an only child and was adamant he didn't want DC1 to be an only. We started "not preventing" as soon as DC1 turned 1 (November) so clearly wouldn't have been bothered by a summer baby, but we didn't actively try until the February. Would that be an option for you?

The statistics do indeed show winter borns are more successful but how much of that is precisely because of conversations like this one - ie winter born children are disproportionately a self-selected group with parents who plan their conception and other aspects of their childhood carefully.

There are benefits to a summer born re childcare costs.

LydiaLunch9 · 01/10/2018 21:57

Amazing the number of people who don't know the difference between statistical probability and anecdotal evidence! I can only assume you were all born in August!

Pythonesque · 01/10/2018 21:57

My eldest is October born and might have benefitted from not being old in her year I think. My youngest is July and I am so glad he wasn't later as he's grown early anyway. Started year 8 in size 11 shoes, and was almost 6' before he turned 13 at the end of that year. Had that been year 7 he would have stuck out awfully.

Interestingly my daughter's prep was skewed to old in year, my son's (quite small) prep was decidedly skewed to summer born. And his scholarship group were 3/4 late summer birthdays. Anecdote is not data ...

ThanksItHasPockets · 01/10/2018 22:02

I think it’s deeply unhealthy to attempt to micromanage elements of your child’s life before they have even been conceived. It simply sets you up for an even bigger shock when the inevitable realisation of how little control we all have hits you.

AnotherPidgey · 01/10/2018 22:03

I have Christmas and Easter DCs. My Easter DC is bright and confident and was more than ready to start at school. Due to an odd distribution of birthdays with a major mid-year gap, he's in the older half of his class.

I am glad that my other child is one of the older ones in the year as he had a speech delay when he was younger and has literacy issues. We will be able to investigate dyslexia earlier because of his age because he should have "matured" out of it sooner if it is just normal development. Being able to take action earlier in y3 rather than the end of the year/ y4 will help.

I know a couple of people who are sucessful adults, but were considered slower when at school... they are mid-August. The gap closes with age, but if you are a child who has other difficulties, the difference in maturity can cause issues in the earlier years. Being "less mature" than your peers can mask earlier signs of difficulties and delay support.

Would I delay TTC? If there were no pressing demands, maybe. If TTC was taking a while or I felt I was on a limited timescale, probably not.

sola82 · 01/10/2018 22:04

I'm a teacher with an (unplanned) August baby. It was hard when he started school as he had just turned 4 and was so tiny and shy. It hasn't held him back academically at all, but he did struggle socially for the first couple of years. He is currently in Y3 and doing really well.

I now have a (planned) spring baby. I think any baby that has enough love and support can achieve their potential., whenever they are born.

SerenDippitty · 01/10/2018 22:05

My older sibling and I both June babies, they were academically brilliant I wasn’t. Looking back I think I was ADHD.

Haffdonga · 01/10/2018 22:06

I think it’s deeply unhealthy to attempt to micromanage elements of your child’s life before they have even been conceived.

Would you say the same thing about taking folic acid or giving up smoking before conceiving?

maccaroni · 01/10/2018 22:06

Having had kids one of whom is late August and the other early September, I'd say being oldest in the school year has massive advantages. My September child has always been more than ready for each new stage and happy and confident. My August born always seems behind even though academically bright, this has followed all through school. Right through to doing A levels still aged 17, not being able to have celebratory drinks at the end of 6th form as not yet 18! Between September & Christmas is optimum I'd say.

LyndaLaHughes · 01/10/2018 22:12

I am a teacher and I have three summer born children! I personally feel that other factors such as parental support and input are far more important. My oldest child is already working above age related and I fully expect my middle child to get to that stage too (she's only just started Year 1). My third has just started Nursery as one of the youngest in the class. If you want to give your child the biggest advantage possible then for me it's all about reading and plenty of talk. The fact you are even concerned about this says something about you as a parent which like a previous poster has said mitigates such concerns.

Fuckedoffat48b · 01/10/2018 22:15

It's what we did. I thought lots of people did too tbh. Currently due in just over a month's time.

LittleBookofCalm · 01/10/2018 22:16

why not, i did

LittleBookofCalm · 01/10/2018 22:17

otoh the september born will be bam straight into school dall day, oldest in the class, perhaps bored and restless at nursery.

LittleBookofCalm · 01/10/2018 22:17

summer babies have lovely birthday parties

ThanksItHasPockets · 01/10/2018 23:07

Would you say the same thing about taking folic acid or giving up smoking before conceiving?

Of course not, because that’s a false equivalence.

There’s a proven, direct causal link which shows that if you take folic acid your baby is much less likely to develop spina bifida, and if you smoke your baby is much more likely to have complications. Therefore it’s public health policy to promote the former and provide support to stop the latter. It isn’t so simple to prove a definitive link between birth month and educational outcomes; there are too many other factors at play. Studies show strong correlations but they haven’t yet proven direct causality.

If it were possible to prove that birth month is the single most important factor for a child’s educational outcomes, more important than their parents’ income or level of education, then it would be public policy to increase the autumn birth rate. GPs would hand out leaflets on timing your pregnancy and public information adverts would encourage couples to start shagging just after Christmas and stop by the August bank holiday. But it isn’t, so they don’t, and in the meantime these threads inevitably descend into another fight between statistical trends and personal anecdotes.

SparklyLeprechaun · 01/10/2018 23:20

I've got 2 summer born DCs who have always done perfectly well academically and would have been bored senseless if they were to spend one more year in nursery.

And it's just occurred to me we've saved about 25k in nursery fees as well.

If you want a baby, just have a baby.

SoManyConkers · 02/10/2018 02:01

I was one of the youngest in the year - no issues for me and I quite like being younger than my friends!

garethsouthgatesmrs · 02/10/2018 02:27

I waited for this very reason. Just celebrated DDs first birthday. I was 34 so older than you but had fallen pregnant quickly both times before It's October now so not long to wait however if you don't get pregnant in the early months of 2019 I would be inclined to just carry on regardless and not mess around with dates beyond that.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 02/10/2018 02:31

Also i am august born and did well at school but I still would prefer my children to be older. I don't really believe in school for 4/5 yr olds anyway.

I know someone who has had real trouble getting her son to be held back a year so dont just assume you would do that. In practice the schools make it hard for you and by that point they often have friends in their peer group at nursery/pre school so you might feel less inclined

DelilahandDaisy · 02/10/2018 02:34

I would be more concerned about the age gap between your potential children than where its birthday fell in relation to the school year tbh. But that may not concern you.

shearwater · 02/10/2018 02:53

DD1 is a July baby but has always been academically advanced and emotionally mature for her age. I think for her it is actually an advantage.

LaurieMarlow · 02/10/2018 03:12

I'd just crack tbh. But then that's because I took almost a year to conceive DC2. DC1 I fell pregnant first cycle of trying so I asunmed it would be easy. It wasn't.

brookshelley · 02/10/2018 03:23

Wait a month or two. Your fertility isn't going to decline dramatically in 3-4 months. And you'll be able to enjoy Christmas drinks! I got pregnant with DCs in February and March, they ended up October and December born which I'm happy with. Honestly who cares what randoms on the internet say, the research is clear that it's an advantage to be older in the class.

I am December born, my brother is end July born. My parents ended up having my brother repeat the equivalent of reception year (we were overseas and in a private school so they were flexible) because he was really struggling in terms of attention span. Best thing they could ever have done for him honestly.

klondike555 · 02/10/2018 05:07

It comes down to the individual child. I know children (mainly girls for some reason) who struggled with school despite being the oldest in the class, and younger students who sailed through despite being up to 11-12 months younger than their peers.

My son was born just before the cut off date. It's never been an issue for him. He's always done well academically and held leadership positions within school. Ditto my niece who was born three days before the cut off. She was also a school leader and graduated top of her school and is sailing through university.

One year my DS was in a composite class with kids up to 2.5 years older than (weird mix of birthdays/cut off dates and late starters with that particular group). It wasn't an issue at all. He was apparently specifically picked for that class as he was mature and bright enough to just get on with things whilst the teacher dealt with the other students who were mainly quite old for that year and were awful rather "lively".

Nsbgsyebebdnd · 02/10/2018 05:26

Completely up to you OP. They do seem so young to be starting school at 4 so I agree with you. Things Seem to even out over time though but in the first few years the Gap between autumn and summer born does seem quite apparent. For some kids there’s no issue. I’m relieved my dd was the oldest as she wouldn’t have been ready for school if she was summer born.