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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wait until the end of the year to TTC due to school year

187 replies

florapomandalexander · 01/10/2018 20:47

DC 1 will be 2 in December and we are thinking about timing for dc2 as we are both really keen to have another child. We had talked about starting to ttc soon as not sure how long it will take etc, the only thing putting me off is that if I got pregnant over the next couple of months the potential baby would be among the youngest in their school year and this could put them at a disadvantage? I just feel like just turned 4 is so young to start school and there is such a difference between some of the older and younger ones at that point.

DH thinks it is not that big of a deal and shouldn't be a factor in our decision, we have family members who are summer born and it has not held them back etc but it just worries me a little. But then again we would prefer to not have too big an age gap and no idea how long it will take.

What would you do and wibu to wait just so they were in a different school year?

Thank you

OP posts:
brookshelley · 02/10/2018 12:44

My son and another boy share the same late in the school year birthday, and were always quite small for their year. It never affected their confidence or self esteem.

And I’ve shared my DB and DH issues being the youngest. Thing is data is on my side here. So if someone has the choice they’re not crazy to make it.

TurquoiseDress · 02/10/2018 12:55

I would just crack on with TTC now

You never know how long it might take to conceive or whether the pregnancy will be successful etc...the age gap might be bigger than you think or be something that you end up having no control over

I am a late summer born and have always done well academically, do not remember struggling particularly

on another note, it really has never crossed my mind to plan/have a preference for which months I would like my children born in. if it's something you can control or influence, then by all means go for it.

Personally, it would never have been factored in to our TTC plans, but each to their own

CaramelAngel · 02/10/2018 12:58

The fact that some 11+ counties adjust grades according to birth month to give more of a level playing field suggests this is an actual issue backed up by studies. Not just some silly thing people are angsting about.

KittyMcTitty · 02/10/2018 12:58

What a load of old tosh - a baby comes when a baby comes.
Not all pregnancies go to plan and yes you can try and avoid summer if you prefer but it does not hold children back up until univeristy level - I speak as someone who worked at a University (also summer born and shock horror have a degree and post grad and good job) my sibling born in autumn not so much! I also have a lot of experience with schools and intakes and can assure you parental engagement background and the number of books in your house will have a far greater impact!

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 02/10/2018 13:10

No amount of anecdata refute the fact that when all else is equal, summer born children are, as a cohort, at a disadvantage compared to children born earlier in the year. I have one and am one and I did very well academically, but this doesn't stop it being true. It also doesn't make it the one defining factor more important than any other.

Also I don't think you can simply dismiss it as rubbish because a baby comes when a baby comes. If OP conceives within the next 2-3 months, she stands a much higher chance of having a summer born baby than if she waits. If she doesn't TTC before January then she likely won't, at least for now. Sure, secondary infertility is a thing, but so is getting pregnant pretty quickly as a 31 year old second timer who conceived reasonably soon last time round. Should they not have any luck by perhaps June or July, then there'll be a decision to be made about whether to continue.

CaramelAngel · 02/10/2018 13:18

Well put Assigned

LydiaLunch9 · 02/10/2018 13:24

We talked about waiting but in the end start TTC no. 2 in September (meaning a like June/July/August baby). In the end, it was because we desperately wanted to start, and decided that we are supportive enough parents that we believe we can offset the 3% statistical disadvantage that our summer baby would face.

KittyMcTitty · 02/10/2018 13:25

A child will do as well as it is given the opportunity to.
All isn't equal and fundamentally down to each parent to make a choice. OP asked for opinions and that is mine guided with experience in the area.
I'm not talking about secondary infertility, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in misccariage and then this all goes out the window, as much as we would like to choose when and how we have a baby this isn't always the case.
Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make what I write wrong.

bluegreygreen · 02/10/2018 16:34

Interesting.

A different perspective - I'm a medic (summer-born) and I wouldn't want to have a newborn in winter when all the viruses are about.

Just shows how our experience colours our practice...

Crunchymum · 02/10/2018 16:39

I'm sure it's already been mentioned but lots of LA's now offer the option for July and August born kids to start a year later. My school definately does this.

In my opinion it's only shifting the problem (as May and June kids will end up being the youngest and then what?) but it's an option nine the less.

Crunchymum · 02/10/2018 16:45

Newborn are often protected by mum's immunity (especially if breastfed) and aren't exposed to crowds of people in the early days? Winter baby's don't all end up ill. I've had 3 winter baby's including a neonate, older kids were school age with neonate as well and baby didn't catch anything.

Obviously my experience is anecdotal but I've not known many actual newborns to catch illnesses in the first few weeks...

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 02/10/2018 16:47

Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make what I write wrong.

That's true. Me disagreeing with you isn't what makes you wrong.

Do you mean in reception crunchymum? That's very interesting if so. Obviously parents can keep their summer borns out until Year 1 anyway, but that's a very different kettle of fish.

OrcinusOrca · 02/10/2018 16:51

I had three friends who were very bright and July/August born. Two who were less bright were October and June, but they both still passed 11+. We had loads of summer birthdays at my grammar school.

CaramelAngel · 02/10/2018 16:59

My grandad smoked and lived til 91. Just to add some more anecdata

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 02/10/2018 17:08

Don't/didn't some versions of the 11 plus factor in age anyway?

SweetSummerchild · 02/10/2018 17:09

I'm sure it's already been mentioned but lots of LA's now offer the option for July and August born kids to start a year later. My school definately does this.

I have seen this suggestion many times on this thread.

Check your LEA admission carefully. For ours (and I’m not saying this is true for everyone) children can delay for a year but are then admitted straight into year 1. In other wwords, they stay with their current year group (as the youngest) but just ‘skip’ reception. It’s the worst of both worlds IMO.

Children are only ‘put down a year’ under very special circumstances and almost never through simple parental choice.

toastedbeagle · 02/10/2018 17:20

I made a spreadsheet to this effect when TTc no 1. Basically as long as your period is after 26th November , when you get pregnant you're due date should be after 1st Sept! People thought we were mad when asked "when are you planning to have children? (In 2010) " And I replied "September 2012...

DD was EDD 7th Sept and born the week after. Oldest in her year and it's an advantage.

Pebblespony · 02/10/2018 17:28

Perhaps an obvious question but is there a reason why the child would have to go to school when 4? I'm July born and went to school at 5. I'm in Ireland. Are they stricter in England?

SweetSummerchild · 02/10/2018 17:41

Pebblespony children legally have to be at school in England starting the term after their fifth birthday.

Reception year starts in the September of the academic year in which the child turns 5. That can be as early at the 1st of Stepember or as late as 31st August. A child usually starts reception somewhere between being 4 and 1 day or exactly 5. A child born in August doesn’t legally have to be in school for the whole of their Reception year but may not then be able to delay school until they are 5 and enter Reception in the following September.

Original poster
florapomandalexander · 02/10/2018 18:42

Thank you for all the responses. It is interesting to see the range of views.

I think I am leaning towards waiting. It is only a couple of months in the scheme of things and in the meantime I can try to make sure I am as healthy as possible in the meantime, am still a few lbs heavier than I was before dc1.

I do absolutely appreciate that i am very lucky to have dc1 and to have got pregnant fairly quickly. I know that things may not be quick or easy this time and that we have limited control over these things anyway.

I had a little look at the research which I found suggested from an academic point of view things even out in the longer term and as people have pointed out there are many other factors. The thing where it seems to make a bigger long term difference is sport which is interesting.

The biggest thing for me though is not really their academic or sports success but more my own discomfort about sending a little one off to school so young. I'm sure many are ready for it but it just seems so little to me.

OP posts:
Celestia26 · 02/10/2018 18:55

I have one dc with a summer birthday (June), and one with a September birthday.
I would always recommend if possible trying to ensure your child has a September -March birthday, but I know it's not always easy to plan.

In your position I would wait at least until the end of December. You could fall pregnant the first month of trying!

I conceived on Boxing Day, and my dc was born on the 1st of September!

formerbabe · 02/10/2018 19:01

Am I the only one who thinks an August baby would be great?! Get them out of your hair and packed off to school earlier Wink

Haireverywhere · 02/10/2018 20:54

Hope you feel reassured by the research then and best of luck.

BarbarianMum · 02/10/2018 21:00

For all those saying they have an August baby and it's all fine, please remember that that's your opinion and that your child may have a different take on it. Wait til they're 18 then ask. Then you'll know.

Sparrowlegs248 · 02/10/2018 21:07

I really think it depends on the child and you wont know what the child will be like. I was the youngest in my year and at the top of most classes, struggled mostly with boredom at primary school. My husband was born in Feb and struggled the whole way through school, was the child crying being dropped off, not coping with a full week at school etc and not coping with the work despite being not at all stupid.

My eldest son will be only just 4 when he starts, I think he'll cope fine. He's streets ahead of the older children at pre school .