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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wait until the end of the year to TTC due to school year

187 replies

florapomandalexander · 01/10/2018 20:47

DC 1 will be 2 in December and we are thinking about timing for dc2 as we are both really keen to have another child. We had talked about starting to ttc soon as not sure how long it will take etc, the only thing putting me off is that if I got pregnant over the next couple of months the potential baby would be among the youngest in their school year and this could put them at a disadvantage? I just feel like just turned 4 is so young to start school and there is such a difference between some of the older and younger ones at that point.

DH thinks it is not that big of a deal and shouldn't be a factor in our decision, we have family members who are summer born and it has not held them back etc but it just worries me a little. But then again we would prefer to not have too big an age gap and no idea how long it will take.

What would you do and wibu to wait just so they were in a different school year?

Thank you

OP posts:
Icecreamenthusiast · 01/10/2018 21:18

YABU - Both me and Dd are late June birthdays. I was on of the top performers in the year at school from an early age and she is looking that way as well. Didn’t cross my mind for a second that it might be an issue.

ChibiTotoro · 01/10/2018 21:19

It's not a choice of when you can conceive though is it, it's if you can conceive and when the baby is born.
I know a family who thought they were having a September baby. He was born pre-maturely and had significant developmental delays.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 01/10/2018 21:19

August born here, all A*s at GCSE and As at A level. Massively fucked up in many other regards by my parents, but not because of being a summer baby. I can't recall it making any difference except that I used to have my birthday party a bit early as people were usually away over the summer.

PinkHeart5914 · 01/10/2018 21:22

Thing is you either want a child or you don’t!

My dh is summer born and it’s certainly not been a disadvantage, he works in law with a fantastic salary so 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 of my 3 are summer born, am I worried absolutely not!

TomHardysNextWife · 01/10/2018 21:26

My birthday is at the very end of August. I was nearly a year younger than the eldest starting primary, and my Mum says that in hindsight she really wished she'd kept me back a year as I was nowhere near ready.... she was given the choice apparently. I also started secondary as the youngest in the year. By the time I reached 6 th form and most of my mates were 18 and clubbing/driving a whole year before me, it really pissed me off.

As an adult, it doesn't matter remotely. However all of my DDs have birthdays in November/December.

alizarincrimson · 01/10/2018 21:26

I was going to ask the same question, so thanks OP. Will be watching with interest. On the one hand, I know lots of successful summer babies (including my husband - born end of June) but find the statistics a bit scary.

Wondering whether to go for it now or spend the next couple of months getting fitter and healthier before starting in December/January.

angeliquekidjo · 01/10/2018 21:27

We're in the exact same situation OP, (DC1 turns 2 in December, we don't want a big age gap, have discussed that DC2 will be born in June/July/August if we conceive in the next few months).

In the end we decided to just go for it. If we're lucky enough to conceive quickly, it's only a vague trend, it's not like we're dooming them to failure. And we're intelligent, supportive, loving parents, so they should be fine anyway.

Original poster
florapomandalexander · 01/10/2018 21:27

Thank you for the opinions so far, mixed views really.

It took about 4 months for me to conceive dc1 but obviously I have no idea if another would be similar. I'm 31.

Good point that could potentially look at delaying them starting by a year if it ended up being an issue.

OP posts:
Angelil · 01/10/2018 21:28

@Fullofjellybeans
Your observation may be right but I think your reasoning is wrong.
I'm a teacher having my first baby, who is due at the end of October. However, my timing was purely based on considerations to do with maximising my maternity leave! Nothing at all to do with how said child may or may not perform at school - which didn't even cross my mind.

Haffdonga · 01/10/2018 21:29

Again, the many examples of high achieving summer born people show nothing as encouraging as they are, because we are talking about statistics of big populations not individuals. If you're born in August you have a higher chance of being diagnosed with special educational needs, you have a lower chance of getting good A levels etc. It doesn't mean you will definitely do worse - just the dice are just slightly more stacked against you than your September born class mates.

Research here:

<a class="break-all" href="//notassets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/182664/DFE-RR017.pdf" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">research

Kokapetl · 01/10/2018 21:29

In a lot of places you can now get Summer born children put into the next school year down. There is one in my DC's class who is actually over a year older than my DC.

Also, from experience, September is a bad time to have a baby as maternity units are under enormous pressure at that time of year due to Christmas and New Year's Eve being peak conception times!

Jimdandy · 01/10/2018 21:30

I’ve got 2 September born children. I didn’t deliberately plan it that way but it’s definitely been an advantage.

My eldest has just started school (turned 5 on the 12th Sept) and she’s leaps and bounds ahead of some of her peers. Because they’re still so young, it’s a lot more obvious.

She was always advanced though. Even from very small (genuinely, not just me being a deluded parent) where as my 3 year old is average milestones etc for his age, so I think that as usual it does depend on the individual.

My hubby is September the 1st! It meant he could learn to drive before his friends (not technically, obviously but compared to his peers) buy beer sooner etc.

I’d delay until Jan/Feb at least.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 01/10/2018 21:30

I know a family with a brother and sister 11 months apart - one born in September and the other in August. They are in year 3 and there is a big difference in maturity between them but I don't know how it affects them academically.

My cousins (now adults) were among the youngest in their year in school. They were both very academic. They both benefited from being able to start their formal education when they did. If they had been born a few weeks later they would have had to wait to start school and would have been very frustrated.

seven201 · 01/10/2018 21:34

We've been trying for dc2 since January. I'm not going to pause ttc to avoid a summer born, but it does concern me a little.

fixyourgardengate · 01/10/2018 21:35

I have dc with the "worst" birthdays...23rd Dec and 6th Aug. Only 19 months apart and so one academic year apart. The summer born is the younger one and a combination of being a strong personality in her own right and taking a massive interest in what her brother was doing with numbers and phonics etc means she is sailing through Y1 right now.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 01/10/2018 21:39

I had exactly the same thoughts when dh and I were planning our second. We tried from the start of January and DD was born in the October. I was 36.

Findingdotty · 01/10/2018 21:41

YANBU. My youngest is a youngest baby - born in July. He is at a disadvantage and it is hard to watch especially during the transition to primary school and from primary to secondary. He is just less mature and finds it hard to catch up. Personally I found it just as hard watching him struggle to adjust to secondary when he still feels like a primary school child. My older children, who are not as young in their year group, did not have this trouble. As his mum it does make me sad as I can't change it for him now.

GenericHamster · 01/10/2018 21:41

Laughing at the post that said ‘why would you not do it?’

Well infertility. It took me three years to conceive my son (with help) and he is a summer born. Did I want to postpone my fertility treatment? No way!

campion · 01/10/2018 21:41

Teaching in a v academically selective school I soon noticed - because it was on class lists - how many of them were born between September and February . About 3 to 1 ratio in each class. It wasn't just coincidence as it happened every year.
I was told no allowances were made for age at time of entrance tests unless there was a tie for a place.
I concluded that being born in the first half of the academic year was definitely an advantage.

My own sample of 2 bore this out too.

GenericHamster · 01/10/2018 21:42

Wait if you want to, but not if there’s a chance that in a year you would be full of regret if you hadn’t conceived by then.

Blou2 · 01/10/2018 21:43

GenericHamster - you said it! People annoy me with these worries about birth month and thinking they can control these things. Anyone who has been through infertility or miscarriage knows better than to think you can.

angeliquekidjo · 01/10/2018 21:47

In Portugal, the school year starts in September, but you start in the year that you turn 6, whether that's in August or September or any other month that year. So if you turn six in Jan-Dec 2019, you will start school in September 2019.

So you still get some kids who have been 6 for 9 months and some who won't turn 6 for another 3 months, but I feel like that is a less impactful difference... I think? Or does it just mean its best to be born early in the calendar year?

Either way, you can delay here if you are born very late in the year.

hennaoj · 01/10/2018 21:48

SEN occurs in children born at all times of year.

True, but my October born 4 year old who has Autism and is 50% delayed has benefitted hugely from his birth date. No way would have he been ready for school last year, he was running around indoors in Nursery and nearly excluded from Nursery. Thanks to that extra year I was also able to get him an EHC with a 28 hours per week 1-1. Without the extra year he would have been in special school.

GabsAlot · 01/10/2018 21:51

my nephew is youngest on his year-top of his classes in primary didnt make any diffrence

Kintan · 01/10/2018 21:55

I was a summer baby and the only one of my siblings (one autumn born and one winter born) with a PhD :) Honestly I wouldn't worry too much about this and just start to TTC now if it feels like the right time :)