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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son gone to Uni - I've gone to pieces.

245 replies

daffodillament · 30/09/2018 11:32

Took our Eldest up to London yesterday for Uni. Oh my god, I am feeling bereft ! Never known anything like it, I am wandering around the house in absolute floods, but pretending that I have an awful cold in front of my other two kids ( obvs they know how I feel but I can't just keep breaking down in front of them! ) Does this really get better ? Have highlighted all the holiday periods and planned trips to visit as well as he has planned trips home. It's not so bad, about 150 miles away and I know he's made friends already but really, never expected to feel quite so emotionally traumatised by this event ! Can anyone relate and help me get myself back in check ?

OP posts:

GreenWi82481196 · 03/10/2018 09:35

I sympathize, Daffodilament, but honestly, it does get better. It will only take a few weeks and you will adapt.
Your eldest son is doing what he was born to do, and what you helped him to do - he is growing up. Be proud he has got into university.
It's quite normal for a mother to fall a bit in love with her eldest son, but don't visit him or try to hold on. That will just make it harder for both of you.
The younger ones still need you. Maybe you should be planning for when they all leave. Think of it as liberation!

HildegardCrowe · 03/10/2018 09:44

Ah Daffodil, I am in your shoes. DD (only child) has been at uni for just over a week and I'm all over the place. But I keep focusing on the fact that she says she's having the time of her life and has made friends. I'm a single parent and we're very close (although we've never been in eachother's pockets) and I'm struggling with the separation.

My main issue is contact but I've decided to keep it to one phone call a week and for her to text me in between if she wants to. Going on WhatsApp to see when she was last online or texting her and not getting a timely respose, is a recipe for disaster....

Try focusing on your son and how well he's settling in and becoming independent. You'll always be important to him and he'll start needing you in different ways.

billybullshitterz1 · 05/10/2018 19:56

I've got into the habit of ringing DS every couple of days while I'm on the commute home. Have had some lovely convos while I'm navigating the M60. He actually answers the phone now!

speakout · 05/10/2018 21:04

I feel a bit of a fraud now being on this thread.
DD has been gone a month, back for her second weekend today.
Saw her last Saturday as I had to take her to work early.

Wednesday she dropped home unexpectedly for dinner.
Thursday she came over in the morning, ate home cooked food all day and went back in the evening.
Today she is home again till Sunday.

Just found out her placement is two miles from my house- she will be starting in two weeks time there.

Feels like she hasn't move out!!
Apart from the £650 a month we are payng in rent for her student flat!

tinytemper66 · 05/10/2018 22:10

My son is coming home for a long weekend from the RAF a Week early so I can't wait to see him. I won't see much of him as he will be with his long term GF but he will be home!

Flyaway78 · 05/10/2018 22:39

Let them fly and they will come back to you....

Everyoneiswingingit · 06/10/2018 12:36

speak she must be at a very close uni!

HurricaneFloss · 06/10/2018 13:00

It's quite normal for a mother to fall a bit in love with her eldest son

Shudder!

speakout · 06/10/2018 13:04

Everyoneiswingingit

Yes, it is 9 miles away.

But not many places she could have done the course, and our home city is brilliant for students.

Everyoneiswingingit · 06/10/2018 13:06

Why doesn't she live at home then and save all that expense?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 06/10/2018 13:44

Not rt whole ft yet but when I went to uni, it was too far for my parents to visit and I would have loved for them to be able to stop by and take me shopping or out for lunch. Lots of posters assume that kids will be having too much fun to miss their parents but that isn't universally true.

My own dc have struggled with uni. I used to visit dc1 every couple of months and stock up the fridge, dh would take them for a coffee if in the area for work. It was nice and hasn't harmed ds, who has now graduated and working ft.
For ds2 being left at uni with minimal contact would have resulted in him either dropping out completely or becomming even more stressed. Some kids need a more gentle transition.

speakout · 06/10/2018 14:51

Why doesn't she live at home then and save all that expense?

Because it will be a good experience living away, because her University experience will be much richer, more immersive, more support from her peers.

NerrSnerr · 06/10/2018 15:00

It's quite normal for a mother to fall a bit in love with her eldest son

gamerchick · 06/10/2018 15:37

It's quite normal for a mother to fall a bit in love with her eldest son, but don't visit him or try to hold on

It really really isn't normal. Unless you're straying into GSA territory

SoyDora · 06/10/2018 15:40

It's quite normal for a mother to fall a bit in love with her eldest son

This is one of the weirdest things I’ve read on here.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 06/10/2018 15:44

That comment about falling in love with your son has made me yuck
Met DS for lunch today and see him now and again as he is very local but the absolute best decision he made was to move out
He’s grown up tons and we have much better relationship than we had during the year he was at home pre uni/post school
He told me today how he gets infuriated clearing up other people’s mess in his student house
I may have

Original poster

daffodillament · 06/10/2018 16:42

Hi. Just an update. Well, what a difference a week makes. My son is so happy. Its been a great week for him. Met lots of people, been out socialising lots with staff and students from his department and is generally having a great time. Lectures start for real next week and it sounds like it's going to be full on BUT he's coming home on Fri for the weekend and I can't wait to see him ! Thanks for all your inspiring comments. You are all legends !

OP posts:

Original poster

daffodillament · 06/10/2018 16:46

It's quite normal for a mother to fall a bit in love with her eldest son Where did that quote come from ?

OP posts:

SoyDora · 06/10/2018 16:48

From GreenWi82481196 at 09.35

bewilderedhedgehog · 16/10/2018 22:12

Hope you had a good weekend and glad to hear he's enjoying it x

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