AIBU to think SAHM isn't an artist if she doesn't produce art?

[windygallows]

Woman I know has been a SAHM for 25 years but refuses to be called a SAHM and instead claims to be/wants to be called an artist.

Her artistry is more like a hobby that she does every few months. She has built a studio in her backyard to produce art but isn't there much. She has never sold her work, never had a show, never been part of a group show, never had an open house, doesn't have a website. Of course you don't need to do these things to be an artist, but I think producing work is key!

Her DH is part of a sort of posh 'cultural milieu' and I'm sure claiming she's an artist because it's a more acceptable title but come on - can you be an artist if you don't produce art, just like are you a writer if you don't or rarely write or a musician if you don't or haven't produced music?

Oh well, at the end of the day, I doubt the woman gives a flying fuck what a boring work colleague of her dh's, who isn't in her "cultural milieu," thinks of her, anyway. Which is what seems to be riling the OP the most.

OP, I sort of understand where this lady may be coming from. I am an amateur artist. I only took up painting and drawing a few years ago as suggested by a therapist I was seeing at the time for a meantl health issue. I do have a FB page for my art (couldn't hack instagram) and I have put my work in group shows and exhibitions but have never managed to sell anything. I really am only a talented amateur but lately I have found myself replying to people who ask me what I do that I am a watercolour painter. I am really on ESA due to chronic illness, but I prefer to call myself an artist.

I csn unferstand the OP's view on this woman, but only to a point.
Overall, I feel it's a shame women cannot support each other's ambitions, especially when it's their own friends. How sad.
OP might find this woman's claims to being an artist irritating and to a point I can see why, but she's not harming anyone. She just wants a little respect.
Live and let live I say.

I don’t call myself a SAHM because there’s more to my life than being a Mum and staying at home. I’m lots of things including student, volunteer in my community etc. I’m guessing her kids must be grown and so referring to herself as a SAHM would be more weird.

Keep your inferiority complex to yourself OP, quite rightly this couple don’t give two shinny shits as to your opinion on what you think is and isn’t acceptable.

So she's not a SAHM at all. She's a housewife.

The OP must be dizzy from all the pivots she’s done to try a disguise a fairly obvious jealous, mean spirited, inferior complexed posting.

How can you infer (with a straight face) that this couple look down on SAHM’s when you yourself have no problem judging SAHM who are financially supported by their H’s.

Being a SAHM is indeed a risky financial choice but what really irks you is that it doesn’t appear that she’s suffered because of it. Instead her H is being supportive and not bitching about her being a lazy dependent.

Your desperate mean spirited judgemental posts say a lot more about you, than the supposed misdemeanour of this woman referring to herself as an artist but nice try OP, we see you.

I think you are getting a hard time ok. Technically you are an artist if you produce art.
Mind you...sounds like she us giving it a go..l think we should give ourselves whatever labels we want if it makes us happy.

Well if she has the nerve to call herself an artist good luck to her. I don't think I would have had, although a sahm/solely housewife for many years.

Sneery and horrid.

I'd describe myself - if you asked - as a writer. Because that's what I do, and that's what I get paid for doing around 10 or 12 hours a week. If you googled though you'd find very little out there under my own name as I do website blogs and articles for company websites, or product descriptions. I don't write for telly, or novels, and don't have an agent.

Poor woman can call herself an artist or whatever - not affecting OP in the slightest. Although it does give herself something to bitch about online.

I’m an artist.

I have been my whole life as far as i’m concerned.

After I left art school when I was 21 I had 13 years of being a practising artist, always with a day job.

Then I had my children, and for a good 7 seven years I didn’t make much and didn’t Exhibit much . I’m still kept my studio and still considered myself and introduced myself as an artist.

It’s only really been since my youngest has been in school that i’ve been making alot of art again. I think this year will be the first year since I graduated that I will have not had a day job and will make over 10 k from my art. But i’m Relatively successful in my field, exhibited nationally in public ally funded galleries, working on commission for public buildings, have had press coverage etc, still don’t Sell much. My work isn’t particular sellable (too big/too temporary)

Probably if the OP had met me during the 7 years that my kids were little she would have thought me a pretentious twat! Maybe she still would !

I refer to my OH as the Piss Artist

I like art. I have often given away paintings/drawings etc. to friends, but have always had a day job, and the day job is how I define myself. So you can imagine my surprise when I overheard an acquaintance describe me to another friend as 'Chocolate, the artist' as it was not how I thought of myself. Maybe I will, now. And I shan't care if someone else thinks it's wanky.

It sounds like she does produce art - every few months. Therefore she's an artist, if thats how she chooses to describe herself.

Same is true of "writers" with a cupboard full of unpublished novels

Yes, I always thought "writers" were different to "authors" in that authors are published?

Don't know about artists though.

Writers who have not been published but who have completed a lot of novels are definitely writers. Their work may be rubbish, or it may be brilliant but 'unmarketable'. But they are writers because they write lots.

The thing is, OP, all this arguing about semantics does nothing positive whatsoever for your life, does it?

The time spent thinking and starting a thread about this could have been spent on having a real think about something satisfying you may be yearning to do in your own sphere.

There is absolutely nothing you can do about the way this woman chooses to live her life and describe herself.

I suspect deep-down there is something unfulfilled in you that you have always wanted to try but don't feel you have "permission" to do so. Give yourself that permission now and go for it. You'll soon find you lose interest in the minutiae of others' lives.

While you are over-investing in this woman's life, your own life is not being lived to the full.

I read this thread on the way into work and I'm finding it fascinating.

OP - maybe you're being a big judgey.

I do find it a bit of a conceit of the (mostly) upper middle/upper classes to cast their experience and activities in a light that would cause most people to blush. This thread is up to 9 pages now and I can't link to the PP who mentioned this also. I have come across this sort of person too - friends of friends, work colleagues etc. "Looking after children after school" isn't being a childminder, you're an "educator" and their house is a "school." "I'm not coaching for the 11+, I'm a tutor in the Eton sense and therefore charging you the market rate of £80 p/h." I mostly couldn't give a shit (unless they are trying to charge me for something themselves) but sometimes it can be a bit funny. This world does have a lot of "artists" and "writers" and "film makers" and "entrepreneurs" in it and I totally, totally agree that things like Instagram, blogging, YouTube have made it possible for otherwise unemployable people to promote themselves in this way with very little substance behind it.

It sounds like this woman isn't doing that to be fair, though.

I have other friends at the other end who are artists (and selling work) who have also been told to get a real job and their work isn't considered valuable.

Maybe since it was her DH who said it (not her) best to give her a pass?

Am a bit fed up of the constant digs at sahm. Maybe she is supporting her family in a thousand invisible (to the OP) ways. Hate this notion that a sahm is just sponging off her husband - the best contribution a person can make to their family might not be financial. There are often other things that are needed more, esp if one partner can make enough to meet the bills etc.

She sounds happy, and he sounds incredibly proud of her. The only person who sounds miserable is you.

^^ This. Not to mention all the projecting going on with the OP's assumption that her colleague in his wife are "embarrassed" by her SAHM status.

Who knows exactly what's behind him referring to her as an artist? But if he's happy and she's happy, who cares?

If she has a degree or diploma from an art school then I’d say she’s definitely an artist - does she?

IWannaSee, I’m with you. Do people really look at SAHMs as sponging off their husbands?! FFS. Their contribution is enormous and indeed very financial, if you added up how much they’d have to pay a nanny / childminder / cleaner / housekeeper / cook instead!

why can't she refer to herself as whatever she wants.
i've been a sahm for about 28 years now, my dh tells people I do all sorts of things.
Most recently, has been music historian as I study stuff for fun.
Next week it may be something else.
Life's too short to pigeon hole yourself into a particular field, makes you sound very boring too, whatever the job.

Ex military still get called Colonel or Major when they aren't in the army anymore, doctors still call themselves doctor when they retire, writers are writers when they aren't writing...so if you want to be referred to as a artist or a singer or whatever,....then who cares?
Besides,... Artists have dry periods when there's no inspiration...maybe that lasts for years
If you are a SAHM then just be proud of what you do and own it because mums out there in other employment aren't better than you, they just have a job outside the home.

for a woman to rely on a man's income for a quarter of a century or more. Not for me!

I think this was the problem, are you scared to be a sahm, would you like it really.
maybe your dh wouldn't support you financially like your friend.
I bet that would make you very jealous.
Try finding something to fulfil your life and I bet you don't bother what she or her dh call themselves.

I don't think the OP had confirmed that she knows for sure that her colleague's wife has "relied on a man's income for a quarter of a century or more".

I once worked with a chap whose wife was a SAHM. It was only when he left the company, after I'd known him for about 10 years and met her many times, that I found out that his wife had inherited some property and made more through the rental income than his salary so was actually the family's main breadwinner.