AIBU to think SAHM isn't an artist if she doesn't produce art?

[windygallows]

Woman I know has been a SAHM for 25 years but refuses to be called a SAHM and instead claims to be/wants to be called an artist.

Her artistry is more like a hobby that she does every few months. She has built a studio in her backyard to produce art but isn't there much. She has never sold her work, never had a show, never been part of a group show, never had an open house, doesn't have a website. Of course you don't need to do these things to be an artist, but I think producing work is key!

Her DH is part of a sort of posh 'cultural milieu' and I'm sure claiming she's an artist because it's a more acceptable title but come on - can you be an artist if you don't produce art, just like are you a writer if you don't or rarely write or a musician if you don't or haven't produced music?

It’s none of your business.

My bed is unmade.

I think I might be an artist.

There is also a pile of bricks in the garden.

Perhaps I should contact the Tate Modern?

She might be a named 'director' of her husbands arty enterprise and it suits their tax arrangements....just a thought. What the fuck is a cultural milieu by the way? Sounds like a bunch of luvvies spouting crock of old shite doesn't it?

But maybe her DH isn't covering her costs. Maybe she had a sizeable inheritance, windfall, investments. Maybe she's a secret lottery winner, or maybe they cut their cloth according to their personal choice of lifestyle. Who cares what anyone else is doing if it's not impacting negatively on anyone else?

Even if artist as a title is more acceptable than SAHM why is there a need when introducing someone to use either.

Would he ever say to someone when introducing his wife, this is my wife the SAHM, no so unless you're trying to make an impression why say, this is my wife the artist.

They sound very silly.

It sounds like you are more upset she is a SAHM than an artist. Why do you care that her dh supports her financially? And you don't even know that he does. She sounds happy, and he sounds incredibly proud of her. The only person who sounds miserable is you. What's wrong with her being a SAHM for 25 years?

OP, this is a non-issue and the only drama is in your head.

Firstly, nobody introduces their wife / husband as, “meet my husband - the CEO,” or “meet my wife - the florist.” Not unless they are socially inept.

Secondly, you have no idea what she’s doing anyway and why would you care.

Finally, what do you mean by “posh social milieu?” This could be anything frankly, but it’s probably something that only really exists in your head.

Sorry to sound snippy, but all this is daft nonsense and thinly-veiled SAHM bashing.

How does your DH introduce you OP?

I refer to my OH as the Piss Artist.

Also, I’ve been a SAHM for over 15 years. I introduce myself by my name and if anyone asks what I do I say I’m at home and not working. I guess I could describe myself as “property developer” because I have developed 8 properties in recent years, but I don’t feel the need to because I don’t intend to make a career of it.

A few weeks ago, our neighbours came round wanting us to witness a document for them. Obviously, I had nothing to write in the “occupation” box and I said this. DH did step in and say, “No, you’re a company director,” because he has me listed as one, even though I’ve rarely set foot in his company. So, if I can claim this on forms, that woman had every right to be an artist .

Oh op so this about you judging her for her life choice of being supported by her husband. So your actually a goady anti-sahm type. Dfod

Don't know about this. I spent many years as a SAHM really, really needing to believe in myself as a writer with very little to show for it- the book I wrote then has just come from the (very prestigious) publishers, and my next two publications are going through the final stages now, with several other projects lined up. Most of it work that matured and grew during that period when the OP would just have found me pretentious.

As it so happens, I now have a nice, proper professional title that sounds good and makes me look like a real pro. But that doesn't mean the book I wrote with no funding and no title and no support except from dh has suddenly become a better book than it was when I first wrote it down.

Op reading through all your replies you really sound so bitter towards the lady and her husband...

You mention he is a colleague?..did he get a promotion/raise that you felt you should get and you are bitter about that?

Or did you make a pass at him and he turned you down so you are turning all your venom on his wife?

Or are you jealous of their lifestyle and the fact they have money and a nice home?

Or are you jealous that she can afford not to work and can devote her time to a hobby?

You seem obsessed and so despising of these people, you have let yourself get so invested in something so trivial that others wouldn't notice or care...

Imagine if your colleague ever knew you were having these thoughts about him and his wife, he would think you are batshit crazy to care so obsessively about his wife and her art and about how he introduces her to others etc

cory Can only speak for myself but I would have feelings either way on someone opting to start writing. In fact if they enjoy it then great (many of my friends mentioned above have put blood, sweat and tears into carving out their new roles). An introduction of 'I am a writer' over the more accurate 'I'm a SAHP and pursuing writing' would be the pretentious element.

You sound oddly over-invested in someone else’s life, OP.

I suspect ‘artist’ is probably code for “independent income” but it’s less likely to elicit envy .

can you be an artist if you don't produce art, just like are you a writer if you don't or rarely write or a musician if you don't or haven't produced music?

You said she does produce art, just rather infrequently.

Still a lot more frequently than Daniel Day-Lewis acted, and no-one would deny that he is/was an actor.

Harper Lee only produced the one book in her lifetime (OK, the other one was published, but posthumously). She was still a writer.

I agree with PP, there is no apparent reason for you to despise this woman so much. Particularly as, by the sound of it, you have never even met her.

Robert Graves looked after his kids and did the housework while writing "I Claudius"- should he really have had to describe his role as "I'm a SAHP and pursuing writing"?

Or is this faux modesty something we expect of women?

And (serious question) how can anybody produce a book worth publishing if they don't believe in themselves seriously enough to describe themselves as a writer? How else do you find the strength and the perseverance and the sheer arrogance to hang in there when nobody believes in you and nobody encourages you?

I insisted on having my professional role entered in my passport every time it was renewed. Just looking at it gave me that knowledge that I had to carry on because this was my identity and I had to live up to that. Otherwise there would have been no book.

I need to know about this cultural milieu

My SIL used to start many conversations with ' well as a scientist.....'. She was a cookery teacher

My A level chemistry teacher demonstrated the use of microwaves by cooking us a treacle sponge. He explained the effects of microwaves on the intermolecular bonds and what happened during the cooking process. There's a huge amount of science in cookery - particularly if she was also teaching about nutrition.

Stop picking holes in the woman's life...you've spent too long snooping what she has and hasn't done OP, it's stalky, get a life.
I love the cultural milieu thing .....can we start a thread about this anyone? I watched about 5 mins of BBC proms this year....there was some guy in a trance like state wailing away to an orchestra, it was terrible. Is that cultural milieu maybe?

FFS, some of you, lay off the OP.

Well then surely she’s just unemployed if she’s being doing it for 25 years?

It sounds wanky to say for sure but I think it’s more the shame of saying she’s a housewife than a SAHM.

OMG are you the husband supporting the unproductive artist, OP?

Certainly the reverse on here - a woman supporting a SAHD with no kids at home and a time-consuming, self-indulgent hobby - would be told she was sheltering a cocklodger.

My A level chemistry teacher demonstrated the use of microwaves by cooking us a treacle sponge. He explained the effects of microwaves on the intermolecular bonds and what happened during the cooking process. There's a huge amount of science in cookery - particularly if she was also teaching about nutrition.
Interesting I guess but as I said my SIL was a cookery teacher, not a scientist

FFS, some of you, lay off the OP

I was waiting for the inevitable 'I think the OP's getting a hard time here...' style post.

The OP starting a thoroughly unpleasant thread, to invite posters to sneer and insult her 'friend,' who is doing no harm to the OP or anyone else whatsoever, whipped up a few playground-bully type-comments, more sneering, judging etc. etc. THEN came back to drive her point home about SAHM (not SAHP, just SAHMs).

But the OP shouldn't get a hard time? I think the OP has so far deserved the criticism frankly - it is a very mean spirited thread.