AIBU to think SAHM isn't an artist if she doesn't produce art?

[windygallows]

Woman I know has been a SAHM for 25 years but refuses to be called a SAHM and instead claims to be/wants to be called an artist.

Her artistry is more like a hobby that she does every few months. She has built a studio in her backyard to produce art but isn't there much. She has never sold her work, never had a show, never been part of a group show, never had an open house, doesn't have a website. Of course you don't need to do these things to be an artist, but I think producing work is key!

Her DH is part of a sort of posh 'cultural milieu' and I'm sure claiming she's an artist because it's a more acceptable title but come on - can you be an artist if you don't produce art, just like are you a writer if you don't or rarely write or a musician if you don't or haven't produced music?

Agree that it's uncomfortable to hear someone that seems to be a bit ashamed of being a SAHM, but I think you're confusing artist, writer, and musician with professional artist, professional writer, and professional musician. Generally, I'd defend anyone's right to describe themselves as an artist, a writer, or a musician (there are other examples) whether they produce paid work or not.

I wouldn't say someone was a dentist just because they feel that dentistry is in their soul: they'd need to have qualifications and practical experience at a minimum, and preferably, yes, be working (though I would still think someone was "a dentist" if they were no longer working or taking a career break if they were qualified).

Art, music, and writing are totally different. I play piano. Plenty of people describe me as a musician because they're aware I'm musical as a (mostly genetic, partly learned skill) trait. They do this even though they know I haven't really played much for years, though I still have an instrument. They don't mean I'm performing Rachmaninoff PC3 at the Royal Albert Hall tonight.

It does sound a bit pretentious, they want to conjure up an image of her is her studio rather then the kitchen or supermarket.

But I really don’t like a lot of the terms for people who don’t work. This makes her feel better, particularly if she doesn’t work beciase of some other reason (it doesn’t sound like she has young children).

I wonder what they would say if she was a man - and would people be so quick to question the artist label.

I know two of these.

I think it's sad in a way. Calling yourself a sahm is somehow seen to be not enough, or shameful somehow as its not always a role that is particularly valued by society and so they feel the need to embellish.

It must be irritating if he is introducing her as my wife 'the artist', as if somehow she isn't good enough just as she is, she is somehow deficient without an added term to her introduction.
That is rather sad if you think about it.
It should be enough she is is just 'linda' or whatever but given that she may be boring/dreary/lacking in ambition she is now Linda 'the artist' and thereby far more interesting and likeable.
One of them or both of them have a problem with who she really is.

In some circles that said, you need to be at least an artist to be worthy of being there, but who wants to hang out with people like that?!

Perhaps she is producing tons of work but doesn't have the confidence to hawk it round the houses?

Being a 'successful' artist in the UK today is not remotely about levels of talent or commitment. You need to know the right people, and realistically to have gone to the RA. You need the skills to bring your art to the marketplace.

Perhaps once her dh has finished introducing her as 'the artist', she should follow through with have you met my husband Hugh? He is a cock.

Maybe she thinks she is looked down on for being a SAHM, or got sick of being asked when she is going to get a job or what she does all day? It is easy to feel that you are not valued by society unless you are earning money.

Either way, not sure why it riles you so much?

you sound quite bitter OP.
Are you feeling ok ?

Sorry - to avoid misunderstanding - you still need commitment and determination and a drop of talent, along with your networking/ marketing skills!

OP I’m an astronaut. I’ve not been in space or anything but that’s what I chose to be called. I can’t think why you’d have a problem with that.

It's no different really to being a SAHM and referring to yourself as 'running my own business from home', that turns out to be sticking glitter glue on photo frames.

Some women don't want their social circles knowing they're staying home for their children, due to the amount of sneering that they'll often encounter.

Still, this woman's being sneered at anyway and now you've started a thread about her, inviting others to sneer too.

It must be irritating if he is introducing her as my wife 'the artist', as if somehow she isn't good enough just as she is

I didn't get this. I read it as being proud of her and wanting to shine a bit of a light on her talent.

Why is saying one thing - artist - mean that she's 'ashamed' of being a SAHP?

I think there's bloody loads of some projection going on here!

Women have an opinion or disagree with another woman so they must be sneery, judgey or jealous
Always at SAHMs in your case. Why is that?

She produces art sometimes. She sees it as defining herself in some way. Not seeing what it has to do with you, tbh? Are you worried about her mental health or sense of identity or purpose in life, or just being bitchy?

Isn't self id the thing these days? I'm pink therefore I'm spam.

Women get sneered at/judged/looked down upon for so many different reasons.

Still, this woman's being sneered at anyway and now you've started a thread about her, inviting others to sneer too

I agree. Mean-spirited thread all round.

I described myself as an artist when my children were little. I was trying desperately to hang onto a little piece of my own identity. It's very difficult for women to produce art when looking after children and a house and later working as well to help the household finances. I was so upset a few years later when I went to a christening and I was introduced to a group, in a real bustley way, as "This is Juells, she looks after her mother" ! WTF? That's what I am now? A mother and a carer for my own mother.

Women lose their identities when they have children, in a way that men don't.

It’s not sneering, it’s being confounded by the lack of authenticity. Faking accomplishments to look better in the eyes of others is actually narcissism. And it’s not ok to say you’re an artist or musician if you aren’t because there are truly talented people out there who ARE the real deal.

I always think it's really nice when a dh bigs his wife up and vice versa. At a party recently and a woman was oggling her (very normal slightly tubby) dh and smiled about how lucky she was to have such a hot dh really endeared them to me

You sound bitter, OP.

I wonder what they would say if she was a man - and would people be so quick to question the artist label.
If the reality was he stays at home with the kids and does some painting in the spare room then yes.

It's a pretentious attempt to create an image of lovely artist scanning around their studio all day doing art. Reality is SAHP enjoys drawing and painting.
It's no different really to being a SAHM and referring to yourself as 'running my own business from home', that turns out to be sticking glitter glue on photo frames
Which is equally ridiculous. But on MN you'll get people desperately telling you that seeing Facebook tat pages and thinking it's a waste of money is some kind to crime against women because every knows that there's a market for glittery wine glasses and cake ingredients in a Kilner jar.

See also 'full time mummy and being a momtrepreneur' for women always rocking their own businesses going MLM to MLM. They want to create the image of getting paid instantly, rocking their dream team, savvy businesswomen. The reality is it's putting make up on, taking selfies, pushing overpriced tatty products and finding other mums to guilt into joining your team.

Why not just say 'I am a stay at home parent'? It's a perfectly reasonable choice.

You sound a bit jealous, OP.

And it’s not ok to say you’re an artist or musician if you aren’t because there are truly talented people out there who ARE the real deal

So because there are good artists out there, bad artists aren't allowed to call themselves artists?