AIBU to not see a time when I’ll ever work?

[sparklyonions]

DC3 is due in January. DC1 is 6, DC2 is 3. Dh is self-employed. We have no support network at all around us.

AIBU to not see a time when I might be able to work? Yes possibly when all kids are in secondary school but that won’t be for another twelve years or so. I can’t see how we’d manage with us both working and we don’t live in an area where there are loads of available jobs.

Do you need to work?

Many people work when they have children. It's up to you.

I think you should always be prepared for the day when you might have to stand on your own two feet. If something goes wrong in your marriage, you'd probably have to work.

What about other childcare options? Work within school hours? do you want to work?

I don’t really get your question? Most people use paid childcare.

If you need to you will, lots of people have children and work 🤔

Well, a lot of families work including single parents who do it all by themselves. If you really had to you'd find a way.

Of course though if you don't need to and it would be easier for you to SAH then don't. Do you want to work?

Yes I appreciate people use paid childcare but I wouldn’t make any sort of profit from working then, which defeats the object. Jobs with school hours are rarer than hens teeth here. The only work available is care work and some seasonal sort of stuff, waitressing and so on.

Child!inder/nursery/ nanny?
Not sure what the issue is, is it the cost? Some people work for very
Little net gain, in order to gain experience/keep their hand in/ keep themselves sane/ keep financial balance within their relationship.
Your DH is self employed, so could presumably take off time for emergencies.
It's hard working with 3 children, but there are lots of reasons why it might be worth it, at least part time.might

Me too. I always thought I'd go back to work when youngest started school but the dc have sn so can't go to wrap around care and we are averaging 2-3 appointments a week. I will be doing well to find time for therapy for my ptsd to be honest.

YANBU. Don’t be bullied into working. It’s not realistic with three DC, paying so much in childcare. Not if you want to keep your mental well-being.

After school club at our primary school costs £14.50/day. Even with three kids and on minimum wage surely you can earn more than that in a day?

not sure it does defeat the point you’d be:
A. paying into a pension
B. Building a career and so setting yourself up to be able to earn more money in the future ie when the kids are at secondary school you’ll be earning more.

If you want to stay home - fine, but don’t kid yourself and Male our you don’t have options

If you don’t want to work then don’t. It is marginal what you would gain in money.
But, if you DO want to work don’t let yourself give up hope. Again it’s marginal financially but if you want to work you should. For many parents it’s great to get away from family commitments for a few hours a day and concentrate on different skills.

I missed you’re having another soon. Is there something you could do to prepare for a career? Or could your dh do 4 days and you do 1?

I think you should always be prepared for the day when you might have to stand on your own two feet. If something goes wrong in your marriage, you'd probably have to work.

Absolutely agree with this^

OP, even if using childcare and returning to work ends up with you working purely to pay for the childcare, it keeps your employment history filled and gives you an independent source of income that doesn't depend on your DH.

If there aren't suitable jobs in your area, maybe have a think about self-employment options? Anything is better than nothing.

when did you give up?
did you not plan to go back to what you did before?

What did you do before kids? What work and career did you plan for yourself? I think it’s ok to take a step back when kids are little but you still need to keep your hand in and have a plan for the way of your life.

I’m not qualified in anything, there are very few jobs available and even when all three children are at school this is six years away.

I have always worked, often very part time, throughout, since my dds were born. I like doing a little bit, and earning my own coffee money. Never had a problem finding a job to fit the hours I want. I've been a dog walker, did some admin for a friend (in my own house, just a couple of hours a day), and now have my own business working around my children. My own experience is that it isn't particularly difficult to do.
Many of my friends work full time in offices, and thus pay for childcare, some losing money at the beginning but just for the short term.

I worked in a shop and then a call centre. Had dd at 23.

When I had my son I toyed with the idea of not going back to work, especially as after nursery fees I’d be bringing home less than £100 a month. I did go back to work part time and I’m so glad I did as I get a bit of a break from my son, and most importantly he gets to spend time with his peers and in a stimulating environment. He’s an only child so this was important to us - your kids obviously have siblings so they have company anyway.

I guess it just depends on if you want to work or not. If everyone is happy with you staying at home, then no problem. If you want to work, I’m sure you would be able to find something eventually (although I appreciate part time work is hard to find!).

I've always managed to work with 4 kids, but had a job that worked around my dh's work hours , so he worked 9-5 and I worked nights/ evenings/ weekends. Maybe something like this could work for you ? We have hardly paid any childcare over the years. Now they are older ( teenagers) I have bene able to revert to a more 9-5 job.

but you are having a baby, you cannot think of paid work just yet. you are working at home

op you could try for some qualifications while you are at home ?