AIBU to not see a time when I’ll ever work?

[sparklyonions]

DC3 is due in January. DC1 is 6, DC2 is 3. Dh is self-employed. We have no support network at all around us.

AIBU to not see a time when I might be able to work? Yes possibly when all kids are in secondary school but that won’t be for another twelve years or so. I can’t see how we’d manage with us both working and we don’t live in an area where there are loads of available jobs.

You've not said whether you need or want to work.

It sounds like you don't want to which is fine if you and your DH are happy with it. Just don't come up with excuses because many people are in the same situation as you but have no choice but to juggle work and childcare. Just say you don't want to work at the moment, there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't understand this post. Do you want to work? If you don't, you're happy as you are and your DH is happy to suppprt you indefinitely then as a family your set up works for you.

If, as it seems, you do want to work at some point then you would fond a job and manage/make it work with childcare. Millions of people, myself included once mat leave ends, use paid childcare.

If, as you say, you are un qualified for any jobs then use this time to study, distance learning, OU etc.

Good point from Elspeth above. Do you actually want to work?

Being a SAHM to three kids is very demanding in itself, and if you're happy in that role it's a massive help to the person WOH.

I’m not understanding what people aren’t understanding.

School hours? But what? And that’s six years away.

College - how, with a baby? Studying at home is out of the question, I can barely read a book with the kids here.

I am just wondering if anybody else is in the same boat, nothing to argue about, just asking.

If you're looking for a job within school hours, try your local council website.

If you make an account, they'll automatically email you with jobs that you have told them are suitable for you.

You're right they are rare, but they do come up from time to time.

The only work available is care work and some seasonal sort of stuff, waitressing and so on.

I’m not qualified in anything

You don’t need qualifications for care work or waitressing.

I have a pretty good degree and now work evenings and weekends as a weekend. It’s not what I want to do long term, but just being able to go to work is so lovely! Obviously I’m lucky as my dh can take the dcs on evenings and weekends. Otherwise it wouldn’t be viable; if he did shift work or something.

No support network here either and I hate that. It seems to common now, but I wish we had some family around. Not the way it is though.

I also had to turn down a really interesting job recently as realised it would cost us quite a lot of money for me to go to work!

With hospitality work in evenings and weekends, I actually take home money. Would you consider it? Maybe after the baby obviously. I started doing it when my baby was about 6 months and it was just lovely to get out. My lovely manager even lets me pick shifts to suit breastfeeding (exclusively pumping in our case).

I’m not Worra but thank you.

I don’t get the point of your thread, OP.

What’s suddenly put the thought of seeking work in to your head when you’re due a baby soon?

Sounds like you’re hand-wringing to convince yourself that it’s not possible.

If you need or want to work, it certainly is possible. It sounds like you don’t want to, though. Do you need to? Is that why you’re posting?

Sorry, X posted.

Plenty of people have 3 children and also work. Some because they want to others because they have to. Herein lies the difference.

Do you want to work? If so what would you like to work as?

Have a look at options in local colleges if you need to retrain or get qualifications. Many offer a crèche.

You need to think short term as well as long term. What if your marriage fails and you split up, or if your DH becomes I'll,and cannot work, or he loses his job? What about your pension and your financial independence?

People all seem to think that life suddenly changes and becomes easier when their dc finish Primary school - in my experience that hasn't been the case.

I get the impression op that you have no strong desire to work and having DC is an easy way to justify not working to yourself. I think you need to sit down and consider things from different perspectives and go from there.

As a weekend? As a waitress I mean!

Studying at home is out of the question, I can barely read a book with the kids here.

Presumably your DH doesn't work weekends? You could lock yourself in the bedroom or go out to a coffee shop for some time every weekend?

DC1 is in school, and DC2 should get some free nursery time, so for at least a few periods each week you'll be at home with just the baby. If you wanted to, it would be possible to study during those times.

But if you don't want to study, that's fine too.

You didn’t ask if anyone was in the same boat and you’ve posted in AIBU which does usually reflect some kind of disagreement or conflict in your circumstances. If you’re perfectly happy not working, and no one is asking you to, what are you actually asking if you’re being unreasonable about?

I have no family help and my husband is also self employed. When my youngest was about 4 I started working part time ad hoc evenings and weekends when DH was around but that was a job I had to train and study for but now my kids are 15,13,and 10 and I work in a school office 12 until 5. The older kids collect the younger one from school and make sure he stays out of trouble in the house. It is working fine at the moment. Your children aren't tiny forever and it gets easier.

Are you not worried about not having a pension?

You are only responsible for half the childcare costs, and you dh the other half

Why have you had 3 children without thinkng about working etc?

As pp said, not really sure what you are asking

Ok well you must all have different children to me, studying isn’t really possible.

I’m not Worra but thank you. smile

Eh? So you’re not looking for work in school hours? So why did you say they’re like hen’s teeth in your op, as if that was the reason you didn’t work?

You sound a little fatalistic.

I had my first child at 23. My youngest is now two.

I work around 30 hours a week, evenings and weekends, in a slightly-above-nmw-job.

If you don’t want to work that’s absolutely your choice. Personally I think it’s unwise. There are options out there. Your husband will get over seeing a bit less of you.

Not getting this?

So you don't want to work

Fine

Why dress it up as can't

Bar work evenings or weekends when baby is older?

I was a single parent with no support network, for a number of years but managed to work part time. It's about looking for opportunities around you. I applied for the job & once I'd got it, looked for ways to make it work for me. I had a sympathetic female manager, who allowed me to do some work from home. I made sure that I worked hard to build up a good rapport & reputation with my colleagues so that if I needed time off, they were understanding. It wasn't an all singing & dancing career move but it kept my head above water financially & kept me in the world of work.

Yeah I think you could potentially before then. My dh is self employed and we have three kids. My youngest is now in primary one and I'm now working part time school hours.

People often study in the evening or take a morning a weekend when the other half has the children.

Annabel are you really not getting why someone who is 6 months pregnant, with no qualifications beyond GCSEs, with two other young children one not at school yet, isn’t looking for a job in a school, and why are people confused? What are you confused about? I’m so confused!

Why did you post in AIBU? You’re confusing everyone!