AIBU to not see a time when I’ll ever work?

[sparklyonions]

DC3 is due in January. DC1 is 6, DC2 is 3. Dh is self-employed. We have no support network at all around us.

AIBU to not see a time when I might be able to work? Yes possibly when all kids are in secondary school but that won’t be for another twelve years or so. I can’t see how we’d manage with us both working and we don’t live in an area where there are loads of available jobs.

If you want to work, have a think about what you’d like to do and what would be feasible. But don’t just dismiss it as a possibility completely if you’d like to.

alternatively dont knock your work experience of shop work - not everyone has done shop work.
in future you may be able to do a couple of hours in the evening, if you want, or at weekends.

It would be impossible, I’d need to go to college and don’t have the childcare and I will soon have a newborn.

you might like to work for the adult company.
next summer you could look into it op

or you could work the weekends while pregnant, in a shop?

Yanbu to think that

However Yabu unreasonable to yourself if you want to work, don't use it as an excuse.

I've always worked even with 4 kids under 7. However my dh was very good at sharing everything ( childcare, housework, cooking) and we needed the money. I'm really glad I kept my career going to be honest as you never know what's around the corner.

You could study from home through the Open University maybe?

OP, is the problem that you don't want to ever return to work? What does your DH think?

in a few years try something like bank work for hospitals completely flexible and work when you can. What about restaurants couple of nights waitressing petrol stations not mind blowing options . Presume its just to socialise and get out of the house. If its a full time career you are after then it would realistcly be a few years and all the child care issues that come with it .

People are saying returning to but I’ve nothing to return to.

Dh would be really upset if I worked weekends, it’s the only time we have together.

Jobs with school hours are rarer than hens teeth here

But they do exist if you're looking. I come across these hours but I'm actively looking for another job.

I'm not sure why you've posted. Do you actually WANT a job? if you can manage then great. I personally couldn't rely on a man financially. Anything could happen. We could split up, he could die etc.

But the defeatest attitude you have then no you probably won't work. You're full of Impossibles, I can'ts and other excuses.

I have 3 part time jobs around school hours so don't need childcare as husband takes over when he gets in. Things aren't impossible.

Also not understanding your post properly.

You don't see a time when you'll be able to work?

There are many options if you wanted to work. All of them would involve using paid childcare if you don't have family/friends who would offer childcare.

Is it paid childcare you're adverse to?

I understand it will cost a small fortune while the children are young however think ahead to when they are older and no longer need childcare.

You could go to college, learn something new while the children go to nursery/out of school care, and then start building a career.

It's either that or you start from scratch in 10 years' time when they are older anyway.

Have you looked into whether you'd be entitled to working tax credits for childcare help if you were to start working just now?

If you were thinking of the college option, most colleges have a childcare fund or discretionary fund available.

Have you enquired about this at local colleges?

In summary, it is not impossible for you to work. It will be hard. It may not have immediate financial gain. But it's not impossible.

I do understand op. We are slightly different setup in that dh has a farm which I have taken over all the paperwork for so I do work from home (quite long hours) but paid employment outside would be impossible around school hours and Dd1 has additional needs so I need to be here when she is home. Paying for childcare to keep my hand in is simply not an option for us

I don't mean to sound harsh, but rational. You're in the same situation as half the world. Make your decision based on what you want. If you wanted to better yourself and forge a career, plenty of women do that by studying at home for a few years and then entering into their chosen career. If it seems like too much for you then don't do it. Nothing is impossible though, women do it all the time.

Did you consider this before baby No3? Do yo suddenly need to work?

If you need to, you will.

Would you like to work?

I think you're very mired in the short term right now, understandably, so are not seeing the long term picture. You said it's 6 years til all 3 are in school. It's actually 5. And you'll get the free 15 hours in April 2022, or possibly January 2022 if baby is early. Seems as good a time as any to start studying, if you've no qualifications. Is there something you'd be interested in doing?

you return to shop work op, you did that before, you return to call centre work
you be a carer, a cleaner, no qualifications needed for those valuable jobs.

I'm not sure what the point of your post is, you've asked if you'd be able to work before six years time, people have given perfectly reasonable suggestions as to how you can achieve that (nights, self employed, weekends etc) and you are with each one. If you don't want to work and can afford not to, fine, don't but why post??

Some things aren't within our power to change, but this is. This absolutely is.

If you want to work in the future - it sounds like you do - the only way that will happen is if you do something to explore how to make it happen.

None of us had experience when we started out - but you have to start somewhere. If you never start any kind of work then you'll continue to never have experience.

Not all jobs require qualifications, plenty that do can be done while you work or as part of the job's training.

Besides which, surely childcare costs would be a family cost, not something borne entirely by you. So saying you'd barely make a "profit" makes no sense even before you factor in all the other reasons for working. And anyway, the more experience and skills you build by being in the workplace, the more your earning potential increases.

Plus pension as has been pointed out. Working gives people fulfilment, opportunities for social interaction, a way to build something of their own for themselves, a means to broaden their experiences and horizons, a sense of accomplishment.

Unless you have circumstances to indicate otherwise, you're likely to live for a very long time from now. With a whole life to lead once the children become adults.

Going through the gaining workplace experience thing is an investment in your future, and opens doors and possibilities for that future. You don't have to dive headlong into high level qualifications and or a career, especially not right now, but there's no good reason not to begin smaller steps along that path. If you want things to be different.

I don't understand what the issue is.

You're pregnant, this is all a moot point anyway.

And it's not clear if you want to actually ever work or if you're just making an observation/trying to start a row. Do you or not?

Either a Saturday job, or working evenings for your DH's company. Would you feel able to do the books, for example?

Do call centres need evening staff?

Even if it's only a small amount of work for the next few years, it would make a huge difference in your ability to get back to work once the children are in school.

you could work while your dh is at home?

*argue

I felt the same when I have 4 kids under 5. As soon as my youngest two (twins) started nursery, I started volunteering at my kids school a few mornings a week. I really enjoyed it and really put myself out to be as helpful as possible. The teacher I worked along side, said I should apply for a TA job if it came up and she’d be my reference.

Anyway, a lunchtime supervisor job came up when the twins started reception and I applied. I got the job. My twins are now in yr 2 and I work in the school office. It’s perfect for me, if I had to pay for breakfast club and after school childcare for 4 kids, I’d probably be working at a loss, but I drop my kids to school, start work, pick them up at the end of the day and have all the school holidays off with them. The money isn’t the best but my partner is self employed and can support us himself so this is a safety net for me.

The cost of childcare means I don't actually see much of my wages. What keeps me going is the value added to my career prospects in the future and the fact that I'm building up a relatively decent pension.

Everybody's circumstances are different though - for example, I know my dh didn't start his pension until just a few years ago (so when he was mid-thirties), so I know I wouldn't be able to rely on his pension keeping us both into old age. I have also seen how my grandparents (thank goodness) have exceeded all expectations of life expectancy and are still going strong even though they are getting ever closer to 100 years old (I don't expect I'll survive that long as my dad died young as did a lot of his immediate family, so it's 50/50 chance that I've inherited longevity from my mum or the likelihood of getting cancer young from my dad) - my grandad has had to start a business hiring out work he did in the 60s and 70s (without giving too much away, he worked in the props department on film sets) to keep him and my grandmother into their 90s (and hopefully beyond) because (in his words) he "didn't expect to live so long". So, I guess I'm saying my decision to work now will hopefully help me enjoy life long into retirement. I think it would be daft for me not to work, but like I say, everyone has different circumstances, and maybe if my dh had started his pension earlier, I'd choose to be a sahm until my dc is at school.... but maybe not, I like having a job! If you want to work, there are ways of doing it and being a great mum. Have you thought about the future? Will your dh's pension keep you both in old age? If not, then I'd think about returning to work so you can build your own pension pot. It's not just about the here and now!