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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not see a time when I’ll ever work?

301 replies

sparklyonions · 30/09/2018 09:50

DC3 is due in January. DC1 is 6, DC2 is 3. Dh is self-employed. We have no support network at all around us.

AIBU to not see a time when I might be able to work? Yes possibly when all kids are in secondary school but that won’t be for another twelve years or so. I can’t see how we’d manage with us both working and we don’t live in an area where there are loads of available jobs.

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 10:45

Agree, I had my first at 22 and then my dc were 6 and 3 when I was pregnant with dc3. I still worked part time in retail as I’d done before children. Eventually I registered as a childminder as I’d always wanted to work with children.

It is possible, but you don’t sound like you want to so I don’t really know what you’re whinging about.

loveisland · 30/09/2018 10:46

Is this to show Dh "see loadsa people on Mumsnet back my argument"

AnnabelTheAntelope · 30/09/2018 10:46

Annabel are you really not getting why someone who is 6 months pregnant, with no qualifications beyond GCSEs, with two other young children one not at school yet, isn’t looking for a job in a school, and why are people confused? What are you confused about? I’m so confused!*

So where has your op come from? You can’t work right now (though plenty of pregnant women with older children do tbh), but the advice from worra might come in handy if and when you do start looking for work?

Why bring up the fact that work in school hours was hard to find if you don’t want to find it?

Original poster
sparklyonions · 30/09/2018 10:46

Perhaps it would help if I said the nearest place with so much as a corner shop and it has a nursery, one primary school with about seventy kids in it, a restaurant, bakery, two pubs, fish and chip shop and 2 corner shops, is ten minutes drive away. No not far but still not exactly on the doorstep. And not exactly s lively hub.

About half an hour away is a slightly bigger town with a supermarket and a few small high street shops, estate agents, banks and so on. But still not a lot of jobs. High unemployment.

So yes I get that some of you work, I’m not sure I can without causing massive inconvenience to my family.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklyonions · 30/09/2018 10:47

Because other people kept saying I could work school hours annabel.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklyonions · 30/09/2018 10:48

I am sorry for confusing people. I just wanted to talk.

OP posts:
whifflesqueak · 30/09/2018 10:48

People are confused because they thought you wanted help and advice.

But possibly you actually want validation for a decision you’ve already made.

It’s fine if you don’t want to work. You don’t have to explain that to anyone other than your family breadwinner. But don’t pretend you can’t possibly work because you can.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 30/09/2018 10:48

You study when the DC are asleep, or when your DH is with them.

Or you find a course at a college with a crèche

That's if you want to study, and I'm getting the distinct impression that you don't. Which is fine.

So if you want to work, then once your newborn is 9 months + you'll be looking for jobs that don't require any specific qualifications of which there are plenty.

You and your DH can see if you'd be able to register for childcare vouchers if childcare will be required and you remember that you and your DH will both be contributing to any childcare costs.

These are not insurmountable problems if you don't want them to be.

Screenburn · 30/09/2018 10:48

OP, just a question - how do you think everyone else manages it? There are lots of working mums out there and not all of them have qualifications - some of them don’t even have partners and they manage!

You are in the lucky position of having a partner and having one dc in school. Use the opportunities that gives you! If you have time to look at and post on mumsnet, you’ve time to study. It doesn’t have to be much.

WhatAPandemonium · 30/09/2018 10:48

I think for now, just concentrate on your children at home. You have three and they are very young. If you can't study and don't want to work at the weekends and don't want to lose your salary on childcare then that really answers your question.

Original poster
sparklyonions · 30/09/2018 10:48

Whiffle if I did it would make everyone miserable and broke. So yes ok if that’s what we are about I could work.

OP posts:
JamAtkins · 30/09/2018 10:49

I don't get it either. Lots of people, especially women who have been SAHM, change careers completely once children are in school. I did and I was 40. Lots of people also study with children, even time heavy courses like nursing. Lots of people have self employed DPs, or ones who work long hours or don't have a DP at all. Lots of couples end up working opposite hours so one of them is at home for childcare. Lots of people don't have family support. You are not even 30 and are saying you can't ever work then you are being ridiculous. Even if you want to wait until the youngest is in school then you still have a 30 year career ahead of you, with pension and NI contributions and an income of your own. If you don't want to work then fair enough but it is far from impossible.

Newjobtime1 · 30/09/2018 10:49

I have 3 dc and had very little family help. I now have a little bit if help in the but not a lot. I did a degree while the Dc1 and Dc2 were little. Was hard studying with toddlers but I wanted it enough to make it work. Now have 3dc and I'm working full time. My wages are taken up by childcare and travel costs. But if you want to work then you will just need to pay for childcare. There is no need to wait until all dc are at secondary school unless that's what you want.

Original poster
sparklyonions · 30/09/2018 10:49

I really can’t study. I don’t have time, I don’t have childcare for days in college and it’s only useful if I get something out of it which I won’t. Look I am sorry for posting, I’ll delete it.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 30/09/2018 10:50

Not getting this?

So you don't want to work

Fine

Why dress it up as can't

I think that's what's confusing people. It's pretty obvious that it's a want thing rather than a can't.

Why don't you come concentrate on having your baby and being a mother OP. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do something, just own it.

ElspethFlashman · 30/09/2018 10:50

There's something else going on here.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 10:50

Genuinely, how do you think other people are going it op?

Original poster
sparklyonions · 30/09/2018 10:50

I think that’s where the confusioncomes from jam, I will never have a career.

OP posts:
starzig · 30/09/2018 10:50

If you really wanted to go back to work and can't with children then why are you pregnant again? Not getting why you are still having children and complaining you can't go back to work.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/09/2018 10:50

doing it

Newjobtime1 · 30/09/2018 10:51

if I did it would make everyone miserable and broke. So yes ok if that’s what we are about I could work.

So you know you can work but are making a choice not to. Theres nothing wrong with that op.

Sleepinghooty · 30/09/2018 10:51

I’m confused. You’re obviously not looking for a job as you are about to have a baby. But maybe in a year when older dc are in school/ free nursery hours you could look for school hours job and get childcare for just youngest? That’s if you want to work of course. Not saying it will be easy, but you can start looking when you are ready?

ElspethFlashman · 30/09/2018 10:52

I wonder if this baby was planned or unexpected.

glintandglide · 30/09/2018 10:52

I don’t really get the point. You had lots of children young with no skills or useful qualifications. Why are you surprised you won’t be able to work? This is a situation of your own making

BitchQueen90 · 30/09/2018 10:52

Why even post in the first place?

I'm a single parent with a school age DS and I don't have family help because they all work. I have a job, I studied for a while and I also do volunteer work so don't say it's not possible, it's annoying to those of us who do manage it.

Just say you don't want to work.