AIBU to not see a time when I’ll ever work?

[sparklyonions]

DC3 is due in January. DC1 is 6, DC2 is 3. Dh is self-employed. We have no support network at all around us.

AIBU to not see a time when I might be able to work? Yes possibly when all kids are in secondary school but that won’t be for another twelve years or so. I can’t see how we’d manage with us both working and we don’t live in an area where there are loads of available jobs.

Oh I must have MISSED that

What you SAID

As you don't seem to be saying much

there will be caring jobs wherever you live but you are not seeing the opportunities op.

If getting a job and qualifications is too stressful for you then you need to accept you are going to be a benefit mummy for life. (Or live off your husband if you don't get child benefit)

Op: I will never be able to do this. It's impossible.
Others: Oh, you can. It's hard but we have done it. Trust us, you will be able to do it too.
OP: No. It's impossible.

OP, you are probably just in a bad spot now. That happens. If you want to do something you really don't need to go to college you can do it from home during evenings. It doesn't have to be a degree. Vision to learn offer free level 2 courses you do at home. Start small?

How do you financially support yourself without working?

Once the two eldest are in at least part time nursery/school, you could look at studying with the OU at home; many mums do this when the children are young. Most modules require about 12 hours study a week. As you have not studied before you may eligible for funding. The OU site says...
If you’re receiving benefits or your income is less than £25,000 we have three ways to help: You may be eligible for a free introductory Access module to build your confidence and skills before moving on to a full Open University qualification. For more details, visit our Access page. After you’ve registered on your chosen qualification, you may be eligible for an OU Bursary of up to a maximum value of £3,000 to help with costs. After you’ve started studying, you may be eligible for financial help with study-related costs like travel, childcare and internet access.

Move, work on line, do cleaning, swap care with other mums, there are options, but you don't want to hear them.

Martha I’m sorry for shouting but I’ve said 3 times at least now I was only wondering if any other mums out there were in the same boat.

I’ve also said sorry more than once if people are angry I posted.

I do 'care work,' OP. I earn nearly £12 an hour basic, but most of my hours are evenings and weekends, so pay much more. All 3 of my children are under 7, I do 20 hours a week around DD'S full time hours. That's the reality for lots of people. If you don't want to work then don't, but it's not impossible. I do get that you are pregnant and not already in a job, which might change the logistics a bit. Good luck.

Ok well all the care work here is minimum wage. Not that it makes a difference really but obviously it does from the POV of paying for childcare. Plus wear and tear on your car and we only have one car so dh would be very stuck if I was out in it.

Have you not even read my post OP???

Have you looked at the open university?

No need for childcare or going to work,/college. You study at home in your own time.

The best way to get a career with young children and not much spare cash.

You are working, bringing up DC is a job, albeit unpaid. Don't be brainwashed into thinking you're not worthy unless you work for £££.

We are made to think working is good. But we are just slaves to the big corporations who use and exploit us.

With the advent of AI there will be many people without paid jobs. We will then have to rethink our whole society and identities which are currently totally wrapped around what job you do and how much you earn.

I rent and childmind 🤷‍♀️

you are being absolutely negative op.

Do you have any talents? Any skills you could use for work from home or something like that?

Working, no, because that’s honestly not something I’m looking at doing, I’m sorry.

OP you obviously don't want to work.
That's fine you don't have to justify your life choices to anyone.

Yes okay Georgie but not all landlords are the same. Omg

OP is all you wanted from this thread for people to say ‘ok’?

You seem annoyed that people are giving you suggestions but I’m not sure why you posted in AIBU when you don’t want a discussion with anyone.

It’s your life. If you don’t want to ever work then don’t. If you wanted to, you would make it happen.

There's loads you can do to improve your income, work from home is one of them!!

How about becoming a childminder? The childminders I used did that as a way of getting paid to stay at home with their own children.

One of my neighbours who had 3 children registered as a childminder solely so that she could look after my children as well as her own. The other had 5 of her own children, all at school.

Obviously you won't want to do this yet, with a new baby on the way, but in a year's time you will have only one child at home during the school day.

You don't need qualifications for all jobs. You were 23 when you had DD, so was I. I had just graduated but tbh when I went back to work, I got my job due to all my previous experience from working from 15-23 that's 8 years of work right there.

It just sounds like you don't want to work but are dressing it up as you cannot work due to childcare. Don't work. That's your choice but lots of people do it and make it work. If you can't, then that's your choice. You chose to have a third baby so there will be sacrifices that come with that, as like we all sacrifice when we choose to have children.

In 4 years, your youngest will be in nursery at least 15 hours funded. And your other two will be well into school.

You could try and see what's out there or maybe get some voluntary work to build up your CV- then you can request school hours as you won't be getting paid. Then when you've done that or gone to college (which is school hours) to gain qualifications, you can look into work. So realistically you could be back at work in 5 years.

Or you could pay for child care for your youngest whilst you volunteer or study and be back to work within 2/3 years

It can be done, OP, but it's not easy.

I went back to work, unqualified job, one day per week, and worked for nothing for two years, due to childcare costs.

But, I was able to increase my hours gradually to full time by the time our youngest started school.

We lived rurally and 400 miles from any support network.

Over time, things got better, and with the support of paid childcare, I eventually moved on into better jobs.

My youngest was born when I was 25, so a little younger than you at the time, but I have now had 25 years in a great job, at the top of my game.

Time is on your side. You need to make the effort if you want to succeed.

Crucially, DH was fully on board and we have always had an equal relationship.

we managed with one car, i drove my dh to work and picked him up, or vice versa.
every saturday i worked in a care home, dh drove me, if he needed the car, it was good bonding time for him with the dc. and I was pregnant!

I have said why I posted

Over and over. Why is it so bad, so wrong, that I didn’t want advice on working? I can’t do it. Notice I said I, not people in general. But I am not looking to work or study and I don’t see a time when this will be possible unless when the kids are much much older, and then I’ll be mid 40s, no work experience.