...to want to rehome 1 of our dogs before baby gets here?

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So, we’ve got 3 dogs and our first baby on the way (due in January). Dog 1 is an ancient old bull terrier mix and the gentlest animal on the face of the earth; he was diagnosed with kidney failure two years ago and has held on with a modified diet but probably won’t make it until the baby comes. Dog 2 is a 9yo rescue greyhound and the absolute omega of the household; a very easy dog who just wants to be in the same room as you, preferably lying on the floor impersonating a carpet. Dog 3 is a lurcher we got a year ago to replace Dog 1, who seemed to be on his last legs even back then. We were told by the rescue charity that he had been a stray and had been rehomed once but was returned after 1.5 years due to destructive behaviour in the house, but needed a home with other dogs. It quickly became clear Dog 3 had been abused, as he was extremely fearful of my father-in-law (nipped him on the wrist when he tried to pet him) and cringes when you raise your arm, etc. He is also extremely aggressive towards dogs he doesn’t know well and lunges & barks ferociously on walks unless we actively avoid other dogs (and he’ll attack if any dog gets within range). Most of the time he likes Dogs 1 & 2 but he has drawn blood from them on about 6 occasions due to resource-guarding—food, toys, his bed, the sofa, and most recently the kitchen bin, which he sometimes gets into despite our best efforts to remember to keep the kitchen door shut. We’ve made huge efforts already to “fight-proof” our lifestyles by not having the dogs around our food, supervising who goes in which bed, etc., but it’s impossible to remove all the things he guards (I mean, poor old Dog 1 needs a bed for his old bones!). He absolutely adores people (except older men until he trusts them) and has been good with kids that he’s met, though he’s never met any under the age of about 5, and of course by that age they’re taller than he is so he clearly can see that they’re higher in the pecking order than he is.

My fear is that when the baby learns to crawl/walk, she’ll try to climb on the sofa or in his bed, or take a toy from him, or walk too close to the kitchen bin, etc., and he’ll bite her. My husband loves this dog to death and thinks we can just teach the baby not to do those things and “be vigilant” but I just don’t think that’s realistic—even one second of lack of vigilance at the wrong time could be a disaster! ...Or he might love the baby and have no issues because all his issues are with dogs. But how will we know unless we try, and how can we take that risk?

I’m all for rehoming the dog (the charity we got him from promises to take a dog back if needed, and I have 2 friends who’ve met the dog and would be willing to go through the charity to adopt him), or if my husband really won’t agree, crating the dog when the baby is around (though I feel this isn’t fair to the dog, who’s a lovely pet in the right circumstances).

What do you think? AIBU? Should we see how it goes? I don’t want to be the one my husband blames for making him give up his dog.

Two things that strike me.

This dog has bitten both the other dogs and another human. It is an absolute no-brainer that this dog shouldn't be around a baby.

You didn't know this dog was that fearful when you got him so I don't know how you were supposed to know how he would be.

Now you know, all you can do is pass the dog on through the rescue with a frank warning this is what the dog is like.

I also feel sorry for the other dogs getting bitten!

We had a rescued dog when we had our first child. The dog was unpredictable and very badly behaved despite us spending lots of time with him and paying for training/coaching (of us as well) and dog walking when we couldn't do it.
One day, as the baby was on the sofa with me, I saw the dog look at him ... and just went and told DH that we had to get rid of the dog. We kennelled it with some nice people who were also in the training / responsible breeding world and they found it another home.
Best decision ever, we could not leave the dog with the baby.

I think the trouble is for DH is that he loves this dog but doesn’t realise how much he’ll love the baby as he doesn’t feel it yet as he hasn’t met it.

If one of friends rehomes the dog he can still see it and know what’s going on etc. I think it’s the best option.

Also you don’t know if the guarding behaviour may apply to the baby as well meaning the if the dog loves the baby, it might not let anyone other than you near it.

Sure, things might be fine but you’d still have to manage the behaviour between dog 2 and 3 around the baby. Once the baby is weening and dropping food on the floor that my be an issue in itself.

Op ignore the santimoneous brigade on here, it is clear you are a dog lover, but this dog is not suitable around a baby, and you have to protect it from attack. So rehoming is the only way, as the poor dog has been through a lot before.

Yes also it is not nice for the other dogs being attacked by him, they are not safe around him, you have to think of everybody else in your family, the baby, the other dogs.

OP I adopted a difficult dog from Dogs Trust and when I fell pregnant with DD I was told that I would have to have him rehomed as he would not tolerate a baby and might bite etc.

Well I refused as I knew I was his last hope and was prepared to work with him when DD arrived. I did not need too, he was her best friend, personally I think it was because he could get food from her but he never bit her, never snapped at her and she used to sit on him and stick her head in his food bowl. he was very protective over his food due to originally being a stray.

He passed away 2 weeks ago at the ripe old age of 16 and we miss him dearly.

There are handy tips on the internet on how to prepare your pets for the arrival of a baby. Do not give up hope so easily.

And as for those going on about the furbaby brigade, and for the poster who called the dog an "it". It shows how much empathy you have for living creatures, I pity the children you raise with an attitude like yours.

So you’re saying people shouldn’t start a family just because they have a dog? That’s kind of crazy.

No, read my post - that’s not what I’m saying at all, but of course you know that.

You didn't know this dog was that fearful when you got him so I don't know how you were supposed to know how he would be.

The OP said she realised “very quickly” that the dog had been abused.

Why haven’t you done anything to actually resolve the dog’s issues before now instead of just managing them?

At this point yes, you’re really out of options other than rehoming.

But the dog has issues, it is attacking the other dogs, and op cannot take that risk, worried that this dog will attack her baby. If it was not, than this would not be an issue.

It is 2 different friends! One stayed with us for a month with her 9yo son when she was leaving an abusive marriage and her son and the dog really bonded. The other is an experienced owner of a reactive lurcher; she has 2 lurchers, both of whom have sadly been diagnosed with terminal illnesses so she is not yet in a position to adopt another dog but sadly will be soon and has offered.

Gabilan, you are right—hindsight is 20:20 and there is literally nothing to be done about decisions we’ve made in the past so the only question is where to go from here.

Russell, thank you for that advice. I will check that out. I would love to find a behaviourist to advise us and internet searches haven’t turned up anyone accredited that I could find so maybe they’ll help me. You have absolutely hit the nail on the head re: this dog’s character.

I still don't understand why anyone got a third dog when TTC.

I may be going against the grain here, but...

You say that Dog3 is a lovely pet, until it comes to resource guarding - and that it's never met a child who is smaller than it. It may well be that Dog3 will turn into your baby's fiercest protector/ally through life. A dog is "programmed" to belong in a pack - to accept its position within that pack, even when there are human members of said pack. And a dog pack? Always protects the youngest members.

However, you also say that Dog3 has been horribly abused in life, prior to you and your husband essentially falling in love with him. You say that he gives warning nips... most dogs, even the most benign of dogs do, if they feel too encroached upon. How is his relationship with your FIL now? Because you didn't say. Getting into the kitchen bin...?! That seems to be one of the joys of a dog's life, I'm afraid (I have a 12 year old, non-rescue Spaniel who will move heaven and earth itself to get into the bin - and he's a retired gun dog, who is impeccably behaved otherwise!).

When I was born, my parents had two German Shepherds - a dog and a bitch - who hadn't been around any child below the age of 10... and even then, only for a day or so at a time. My parents were advised to get rid of them prior to my being born (having already rehomed a bitch, who bit my mother whilst she was pregnant with me, with my grandparents). Turned out, those two GSDs thought of me as "their baby", and one actually gave her life in order to protect me when I was 10. My parents were arrogant enough not to listen to the midwives advising them to be rid... and it worked out. It really did. But it so easily couldn't have. They might have ripped me limb from limb... but because I was a helpless infant, their instinct to protect kicked in (the dog would avoid me until I started to crawl, and then he'd pace alongside me and head me off from the sofa which I used to get beneath, then be unable to reverse back out from!). The rehomed dog? Turned as soft as butter once removed from the stressful situation of my parents home prior to my arrival, and I remember sitting for hours trying to plait the long lengths of fur on top of her head, when I was very young.

Personally, I've also had a dog grow up with a toddler - we have a 12 year old Spaniel and a 13 year old boy. They are the very best of friends. We also have a 21 month old Kokoni bitch, who is very much my dog, but who adores the very ground my son walks on. My daughter may start a family of her own within the next five years or so, and I already know that my little Kokoni will have to be watched incredibly closely around a baby. She adores toddlers, but a baby's cry? Hurts her ears... and a dog in pain, or frightened, is a dog who will use its teeth to protect itself.

Essentially, what I'm saying is this. There are those who keep a dog like yours... and it all works out for the best. There are those who treat dogs like they're simply disposable; only in our lives because it pleases us, in that moment, for them to be. There are those who would at least try in your situation, to work it out without the dog - who, to be fair, has had a shit life prior to meeting you, and was in your life before your baby was... and there are those who will insist that you must, simply must think the very worst will happen and you have to get rid of the dog you love, to safeguard your baby.

Dog3 has issues. But Dog3 may... just may... turn out to adore your baby, consider it to be the future of their pack, and protect it with every fibre of its being (by which I mean love it unconditionally and guard it from unwanted situations). Alternatively, you could simply presume the very worst about Dog3's personality and get rid. No one here can make you choose one option or the other, I'm afraid.

That has to be your choice alone.

And I truly hope, for Dog3's sake, that you make the right decision for him, as much as for yourself. Because PP's are right. He won't be rehomed. Not now. I love dogs, and am all for rehoming (I fostered, then adopted, 5 cats over the years, all from shitty conditions/lives prior to meeting them - my oldest cat, who is 21, was only 3 weeks old when he came to live with me, for example, and has psychological issues galore... but even he reacted in a positive way when I was pregnant with my 13 year old, and still adores him), but not even I'd take on a dog who had been through the system 3 times. Impending baby causing the third time, or not.

Could a family member take him on until the baby's here? Until you can see how he reacts to the baby? That might be an option. Because yes; the organisation said that they'd be happy to take him back... but, let's be honest about this, they don't really want to. They want him in a permanent home where he's settled and loved. A home where he's not going to be treated as a disposable commodity.

, because it's not going to be an easy choice for you to make.

Huge congratulations OP. FWIW, I think your rationale, including your very clear description of your sad TTC history is sound. I absolutely empathise and think you've been sensible and not at all rash, daft or any of the epithets thrown at you on here by people making accusations.

I tend to think poorly of people who get a pup when they are TTC or have a new baby, but this is not a poorly thought out scenario at all. Dog 3 has sadly been through the mill, and needs a home where he's the only dog and I would suggest he's not around children in future from the description either. The rescue should have picked up on that, that's not your fault. If he can be rehomed, that's brilliant.

I hope Dog 1 has a happy finale in life bless him.

You've already made a bad decision rehoming a dog who is an unknown quantity just before ttc, you say you have friends who want him and would adopt via the original charity. It's far from ideal for the poor dog, but the real answer (you should never have taken him on) requires a time machine. Let your friends adopt him via the charity. Maybe they can start building up a relationship by visiting him and walking him regularly while the process takes place.

@Gersemi of course I don't mind.
Op you need to put your baby first because if something happened to your baby because of something that you could have prevented you will never forgive yourself.
I had no warning about what my dog was going to do.
It doesn't change the guilt I feel.
As for the posters saying your awful for getting the dog in the first place who cares what they say
your child's safety comes first.

Lurcher owner friend sounds better bet. Experienced , already got dogs, even better they're lurcher types .

Your DH has obviously worked hard to gain the trust of this boy , he doesn't want to face the inevitible outcome if he goes back to Rescue.

But it sounds like there will be lots of change in your house (baby arriving and the noise. The anticipated loss of Dog1)

I think for Dog3 fragile peace of mind , he'd be better elsewhere .

Rehome. He can be re homed. You need to focus on your baby & you'll never be able to relax. You'll be exhausted (probably) & if the dog can get into the kitchen without you knowing, adding a baby to the mix will be very stressful.

Just to say to those that think dogs from rescue centres have issues, we had an alsation Labrador staffie cross from a rescue and she was the most wonderful dog in the world.

Yes she chewed up everything from the plaster on the walls to tables and shoes and managed to take the back door off its hinges to get out into the garden but when we had children she was the gentlest most patient dog you could ever meet.

However a rawhide chew would turn her into a snarling monster.
Bought one and couldn't believe what an effect it had on her.
Tried again a few months later just to see if it was a one off and immediately she turned. So no rawhide chews were ever bought again.

Normally I would say get ddog some training but if you have friends who are willing to work with him and take him on then I would rehome.

I would want friends to understand that he does need a bit of effort putting into him with regards training.

Good luck

I think people who rehome a dog just because they're having a baby are pond scum but you aren't doing that. You don't really have a choice, he is too much an unknown. You can't take risks with a baby's life and you know that he does pose one. Does he snap at you if you take something off him?

I think rehome tbh. I know you love him but it would be better for him to be living with someone who doesn't have to watch every move he makes like a hawk.

I had a dog that could be aggressive with other dogs, I wanted to remove him, dh didn’t. I was swayed under pressure, the dog then bit dc on the face, and he is scarred for life (luckily a neat line, could have been worse). I had just discovered I was pregnant with dc2, so I out my foot down, and we rehomed him with the dad of a friend. This was 9 years ago, dh used to go and walk with them fairly regularly and the dog only died about a month ago, but lived a very happy and spoilt life. It w@ 100% the right decision. I would have been so stressed trying to keep an eye on him.
Don’t feel guilty, from the sound of your circumstances, it was just one of those things. Don’t listen to those ridiculous people who prioritise dogs over a baby!!

rehome, not remove

The dog adores my FIL now because he gives him at least 1 dentastix every time he sees him! In fact, my MIL did suggest that they would (reluctantly) take him. They love the dogs and take them over to theirs a lot during the day when we’re at work, but have always said they don’t want the responsibility of their own dog. My MIL said they would do it for the sake of their son to make the decision easier for him; they have said they are also very nervous for the baby’s sake and would worry less if the dog was not in such close proximity to a new baby.

Those who are berating OP for being sensible, telling her she should basically take a chance...how would you feel if the dog attacked the new baby?