To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

Personally I'd move her op. What an awful situation.

@Fruitofautumn

Err, what?
If it were a reward and not a punishment then those being rewarded would get something on top of the standard privileges. In the case of a punishment (which this is) children have had something withdrawn that they would normally have. And in relation to something an adult (not they) have done, no less.
Plus...the child is FOUR. Do you seriously expect a four-year-old to have such foresight?

They haven't had something withdrawn they've stayed in the classroom as normal and those getting the reward for reading gave gone into the big playground. Mountain and molehill here, just sign the card for this week and she gets the reward too. Or if it really bothers you then look at another school where rewards aren't given in this way.

I'm a chair of governors of a primary school. I would put in an official complaint. Follow complaints policy to the letter. If this was happening in my school, I would want to know.

I would also look for another school. They sound like they have little clue about how to genuinely engage kids in their learning.

Get her moved OP, preferably to the school her friends are at. You'll forever have a bitter taste about it otherwise. And it will be their loss. How foolish to alienate you so early on.
Also be wary of people who say they have an open door policy. I find that people who offer this are actually the most controlling.

This head is rigid and doesn't have a nuanced enough understanding of the situation to know the difference between her perception of what you've said and what you've actually said. You can tell her till you're blue in the face and she still won't get it.
How frustrating.

We have had a very long chat with dd and talked about what happened and how we felt it was wrong.

There are also 5 other situations that have happened at the school that have either made dd anxious and scared or have been just plain wrong and avoidable.

We all decided that we would remove her from school and we would 'do learning at home' as she put it and asked to do.

We are going to view a few local schools ops and will go on the waiting list. Hopefully the one closest to us where all her friends are.

Another parent is moving their child school because of this also.

I can't believe the head has such a disgusting attitude. The condescension and refusal to listen to anything but praise for her precious school.

3 years ago the school was in the 'required improvement' category. Since she has been head it is now rated good. As far as she is concerned, that's all that matters.

Good luck with it monica.

Definitely move schools, this school will damage your dd, if a lot of parents move their children, the LEA are going to have to do something about it. Forcing a child to read, is not encouraging a love of reading, actually it will turn the other way. The op forgot to fill in the book as she had a sick toddler to look after, not because she has her 'priorities wrong' or 'can't be bothered'. A lot of perfect parents who do no wrong out there.

I think a school move is definitely right.

Please do put a letter to the Governors and copy in ofsted to explain why you’re withdrawing your child too though.

It may bear no effect for your DD but will at least put it on record and paint a broader picture.

Redhelen, I'd like you to explain that to a four year old. One who has done her reading. Who was told she was taking home the teddy. Explain how staying in the classroom when nearly everybody else goes outside, while an adult tells you they are disappointed in you, is not a punishment. Nice. God I hope you're not an early years teacher.

Actually I am! I'm not sure about the promise of the teddy but as stated before a lot of schools use rewards to up reading at home. I totally accept that a 4 year old would be disappointed BUT next week all would be forgotten when reading record signed they too went off to play in the big playground as their reward.

When a ‘reward’ is something that most of the class get.... not having it feels like a punishment to a child. They feel punished despite doing the task. Punished because a parent forgot something.

A love of reading does not come from a reward (and therefore by default, to a child, punishment) scheme.

Children love reading because of how it makes them feel. To associate any negativity or anxiety about trying to ‘succeed’ or ‘win a reward’ by reading is defeating the object.

Please don’t think it will be forgotten next week. The child will remember the feelings of ‘punishment’ and all for something out of their control. No amount of explaining to a child this age will take away the negative feeling.

Encourage reading for the love of it. Without reward or punishment. Any school or teacher who cannot see the negative side of this policy is not one I would have faith in.

I find it very unusual that none of the reception class can read.Usually some can

In my class this year not one child can even write the first letter of their name, let alone read.

I give homework yet I make it very clear at the beginning of the year that you can do it if you want and never to force the child to do it. It’s just a bonus activity if you want it.
About 5 out of the class do it.

OP, I'd suggest that, as well as complaining, you complete the Ofsted parent view survey on this school - and if possible encourage the other parent who has taken their child out to do the same.

Exactly punishing a child, and rewarding them is not instilling a love of reading.

Very damaging to do that to very young children, who might be put off for life.

As soon as you take it out the school bag fill it out and put it back in her bag. Who cares about numbers on a bloody card.

@Londonbabyland you have resurrected an old thread instead of starting your own so you may not get the answers you want as people answering this won't see your OP...I'd get Mumsnet to delete this and start another.

Zombie thread.

@Londonbabyland

INVISIBLE PEOPLE

Very reputable private primary introduced assessment this year (thanks to new head teacher), so did was invited to attend for 4+ starting this September. DD and two relatives attended and were told they'll hear back in a few weeks.

Radio silence for 2.5 months, no response to multiple emails, no luck with phone lines. Conversations with others mentioned they'd been confirmed while back.

Eventually got through and was very surprised at response: DD shoes as didn't attend! Four teachers apparently telling head we didn't show up. Also, they didn't receive unanswered emails (they did when she was registered years ago), they don't send mail because they don't trust R.Mail (ridiculous?!) and they don't remember parent present (actually the only parent asking questions during head/parent session).

How is it possible for 4 teachers to not see three people and one spending an hour on assessment with them?! Is this a routine scenario or it's really alarming and parent should steer clear ?!

Thanks

You need to start a new thread not resurrect a zombie

@Londonbabyland

INVISIBLE PEOPLE

Very reputable private primary introduced assessment this year (thanks to new head teacher), so did was invited to attend for 4+ starting this September. DD and two relatives attended and were told they'll hear back in a few weeks.

Radio silence for 2.5 months, no response to multiple emails, no luck with phone lines. Conversations with others mentioned they'd been confirmed while back.

Eventually got through and was very surprised at response: DD shoes as didn't attend! Four teachers apparently telling head we didn't show up. Also, they didn't receive unanswered emails (they did when she was registered years ago), they don't send mail because they don't trust R.Mail (ridiculous?!) and they don't remember parent present (actually the only parent asking questions during head/parent session).

How is it possible for 4 teachers to not see three people and one spending an hour on assessment with them?! Is this a routine scenario or it's really alarming and parent should steer clear ?!

Thanks

You need to start your own thread.

Absolutely appalling. These children are FOUR. Way OTT.

( and I wouldn’t like to be the 10/11 year old who broke a window accidentally —- do they tar and feather them?)