To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

Homework is categorically not useful children who have only been out of nappies in many instances for just over a year. There is no need for a research study to come to that conclusion

The poster said "in primary school" which is very different to "in reception" primary school goes until age 11.

I am not arguing for homework (I hate it for infant school) I am arguing against misuse of the word "prove"

Ok it sounds like that the moment at the moment there is a lot going on for you the school are being completely unreasonable, in my opinion cruel and I would be causing hell over it.

However no one is offended that your child is bright but as a mom with lots of school experience. I had to see a educational psychologist as my child was assessed. I spoke to her as it feels with all this talk of “bright children” I felt like I had lost all perspective of what’s normal.

I was told 99% of children are just average and that it’s all relative to the class your child is in. Your child could go to another class and be in the middle of the class or at the bottom of the class. This would still not be a sign of how bright your child is not. The school were incredibly unprofessional to tell you any of this.

You are obviously involved with your child’s education for example reading to her and your child is surrounded by a loving family then your child is going to grow up to be successful.

Keep the issue separate to whether your child is bright or not because that will switch people off.

I hope your little ones health issues are sorted out soon and she is soon recovery

Does anyone have experiences of moving their young child schools because of this?

I spoke to the Head this morning and I'm pretty fucking angry and disgusted.

I don’t have advice about moving but she doesn’t legally have to be at school (or in formal education) until the September following her 5th birthday. Not ideal but if you’d rather wait for a better school’s next September intake it’s an option.

So sorry to hear things have gone badly.

I moved my eldest after her reception year for multiple issues with the school. It wasn't the direct reason behind it, there were masses of other issues regarding the school - some relating to the actual safety of the pupils - which led to us taking that decision... but the penalising kids because of parents element was there (particularly with attendance in our school) and doing so was really really stressing DD1 out (she's naturally a very anxious child anyway).

If you're coming out of a meeting with the Head this early on in the year feeling "fucking angry" rather than just "mildly cheesed off" then I'd be tending to think it's going to get worse for you in terms of how you feel about how the school gets its results than better. I kind of wish we'd moved our daughter earlier - but circumstances wouldn't have meant the space was available we ended up moving her into if we had have done if that makes sense? I'd be looking at what other options you might have though if you're still feeling this way - just so you know how the land lies.

You could enquiry about other schools to see if any have any spaces, and if not be put on a waiting list. Like PP said, she doesn't legally need to be in school until she is 5.

What happened with the head?

God I feel sick reading this

What happened?

Have you thought about going to OFSTED?

Ring up your second choice. I had to move DD in reception and it was a very quick move once I’d been to see the school and filled in the form.

The Head is speaking to the early years teachers but was incredibly dismissive and made out I was saying that no child you ever be rewarded unless every child is.

My point is that she was punished for something completely out of her control.

I will be going back in on Friday as I feel that will give them time to speak and decide what they will say to me. But my partner and I have decided we will be putting her on waiting lists for other schools now.

Call up the other schools in your area, and see what their waiting list situation is. Fwiw, our school (and the district in general) is under capacity this particular Reception year. So you might be able to move easily.

Sorry it went badly. It's not great if school is unwilling to listen to concerns about their smallest pupils.

Hi OP _ I want to give you my perspective as it may be helpful. My children are at an Ofsted outstanding rated primary school - they are reception and year 2 and get no homework. Reading is encouraged but has never been enforced through any punishment or reward system.

It is absolutely disgusting to treat a 4 year old in this way - and is a complete disregard of the actual nature of early years learning and teaching. Children starting reception are learning to be social/ to make friends etc - of course there should not be a reward system of playing outside that some children don't get. It is fucking ludicrous.

To be honest - I don't say this lightly- I would pull my child out of school, hard as that is to say and I would plce them back in nursery if possible or keep them at home until they have another school place.

I just couldn't trust any adult working in early years who could treat 4 year olds like this - it is just an obvious disregard of good practice.

I would be pulling my SEVEN year old out of school if he was treated like this. Let alone a child who has just started school.

I don't say this often but I would also consider going to the local paper.

And no - a 4 year old should not see other children rewarded for something 'homework' related because 4 year olds shouldn't be getting compulsory homework.

I actually can't get my head round rewarding children through outside play - outside play is for everyone it has boiled my blood thinking of your child left behind in this situation. Reception is about welcoming a child into school - they are extremely young and vulnerable and I find it very distressing to think an adult who works with 4 year olds could do thi.

I see no problem with the children who haven’t read/may not have read at home catching up at school. It’s the way they went about it that was all wrong. Kids are used to doing work in small groups so if the teacher had read a list of names and said you need to go and read with Miss X then no child would have been upset. Putting on a big treat for the other children (for something they have had no control over) and telling children off/taking away the class bear is just cruel.
If you’re going to reward anyone for parents taking the time to read with their child and remembering to sign the record it should be the parents! Bottle of wine at the end of the month maybe??? That’s a joke btw before anyone posts saying it wouldn’t be a good idea!

oh haha Milkytea. This child is 4 and had been in school a week. 'punishing' them because they didn't do homework or reading is literally off the scale ridiculous.

The purpose of early years teaching is play based learning - helping children socialise/ develop an understanding of letters and numbers. This is not supposed to involve enforced homework.

Punishing a child for the failure of a parent is ridiculous at any age - but a four year old...come on.

If schools make sure parents are aware of how beneficial reading with your child daily is then those that can will. My kids school let you come in to the library early for tea and biscuits to read with your child. That’s the kind of thing that encourages a love of reading for parents and kids not signatures and punishments.

I'd be looking for a new school - check what happened first - I get that generally the children of parents who read to their child have more advanced reading ages etc but that is just a generalisation - by the way as a working parent doing 60-80hrs per week I rarely read to mine certainly not when she went to school - she's done very well for herself - is it too much of a luxury to treat children as individuals now

I think people need to remember that in most European countries learning of reading/ writing doesn't start until 6 or 7 years old. And those countries have better results later on!

We are totally out of sync with the rest of the world in how we teach 4/5 year olds - there is no reason at all why a 4 year old should be 'catching up' on reading. They are beginning to learn letters way way before other chlidren their age in Denmark/ France/ Sweden.

After a long day at school I don't think primary age children should do anything but play/ relax/ do sport. Our obsession with formal learning is clearly linked to obesity in the UK being so high - we force kids into desks/ sit them down/ give them homework when other kids across Europe are sitll playing outside and learning through play for most of the day.

British children are among the unhappiest and most physically inactive in the world. The irony of this child having playtime taken away for not reading enough is beyond a joke.

@SofiaAmes maybe where I am is unusual here then but the schools in my area, and especially the school ds will go to, have a lot of autonomy. There's no homework until much higher grades, no testing and a much more relaxed and later attitude towards learning than in the UK. DS won't go to school until he's almost 6 and then they will begin to work on letters etc. It follows the Finnish model a lot more closely.

OP can you pull her out of school and into a private nursery or childminder until you get a place at a new school.

DS2 has just started Reception and i was so sad/angry reading your OP and updates

That's an awful way to treat a 4 year old.

My Dd is three weeks into school and I hate this reading every night thing.

She does a lot of dance classes which she loves after school so some nights isn't home until 6:30 then once dinner and bath is done, it's bedtime she's shattered and doesn't want to do it.

Also i wouldnt leave it until Friday - i would seek an immediate meeting with the Chair of Governors

@waterrat yes as I just posted, many schools in the states have scaled right back on the early learning.

DS will be in preschool until almost 6 and not do any letter number work until then. I'm actually doing some with him at home as he's asking to but it's purely when he wants to at his pace.

I'm shocked now after living away for 7 years at the pressure that's out on such young British kids, by the age of about 10, kids with more relaxed and later learning models are way out performing British kids.

Yes op, I wouldn't leave it until Friday either.