To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

Wow, absolutely appalled at the schools attitude towards this.
Just to add my dd went to a school that went through a period of not being adequate enough for their literacy, but my dd, and a lot of others in her class, thrived in that area from reception age onwards, my dd absolutely loves reading and her spelling etc is fantastic. Her and a few others have just passed their 11plus exams so an ofsted rating doesn’t always bare weight to how good the school actually is.

It seems some schools and teachers are just obsessed with reading and one size fits all. My DD started school at 4 years 1 month and could already read due to seeing her elder brother bringing home his flash cards and wanting to be involved. She was under 2.5. Yet she wasn't allowed any books with words in for ages until all the other children could read some words and while we just did what we wanted at home and allowed her access to 100's of books, it was annoying to have no leeway.

When my son was in reception I told his teacher we wouldn't be asking him to read at home because it was clear he found it stressful after a long day. the teacher said - of course! follow your instinct please don't push him he doesn't need to do anything other than learn to lvoe books by being read to by you. As I mentioned this is an Outstanding rated primary school. Expecting a 4 yr old to complete tasks outside school is ludicrous. It's an exhausting experience building friendships and learning to trust adults in a new environment.

As others have said we expect far too much of small children in the Uk school system. It is enough that a 4 year old is learning new names/ faces/ place to go each day away from what is familiar. It is a long day with constant activity - my 4 year old is visibly exhausted at the end of each day.

I would, honestly make enquiries now, at other schools that might be a realistic option for you (in a City this is likely to be easier than in a more rural area, I realise), then you have a clearer idea about a) if other schools seem more appealing and b) if you actually have a realistic chance of moving her, if that is what you choose to do.
I would also go in tomorrow, to ask what the HT's enquiries had unearthed, not leave it until Friday.

That's appalling! YANBU.

She’s 4, you can just take her out of school without a fine.

Children out of school jump up to the front of wait lists btw... just sayin ;)

This has quite possibly already been asked, but this bookmark, is it part of Buster's Reading Scheme? Basically a scheme where each year has a target (e.g. 5 minutes for reception) and the parent has to sign one night each week (usually Wednesday) to confirm how many minutes the child read for.

No flowergirl this is certainly not true. SIL thought she could bully the LA to give her the school she wanted (near MIL's house so she could lazy about all day there) by keeping her children at home. Didn't happen.

I'm appalled by this. I think you must change school.

Pommes

Yes it is. It's displayed as a competition. What child would be punished for not taking part in a competition?

@monicafallulageller

I absolutely agree and you are not the first parent I have heard complain about it.

We have it at our school too. I get the thinking behind Busters - the class with the most minutes read wins a prize (extra playtime, etc) and children are incentivised to read for the 'team'. However prizes become punishments when children are excluded or left out because their parent hasn't signed a bookmark. I've heard about children who read every night missing rewards because their parent/carer forgot to sign a bookmark to confirm the minutes read that Wednesday.

There are lots of radical suggestions on the thread. Don't withdraw your child from school, but do follow through on your complaint and escalate it if needs be.

Your DD does not even need to be in school until she is 5! Either take her out and fill in the transfer forms for another school, or take her out and leave her at home until she is 5.

@chocorabbit and yet I know parents who have done this....

Other things have to fit too sure, so can’t just pick and choose, the situation you described is different, I can fully understand THAT situation NOt working .... but this child IS only 4. Can just pull them out rather than have them treated so awfully:(

She's not even of compulsory school age. Plenty of time to take her out and find a school which is not batshit crazy actually in line with EYFS recommendations and not emotionally abusing the children in their "care"!

I'm really shocked by this. I'd be straight on the phone trying to get on waiting lists for other schools. Or even possibly look think about changing area to live if no good schools/schools that I was happy with/ have space. She'll be there 5 days a week through her formative years after all.

Hopefully anyone that's commented and offered advice is still around!

After speaking to the head a few weeks ago, she told me she would be speaking to the early years teachers about what I had to say.

They have since sent a note home in the reading books highlighting the policy.

I have spent 2 weeks trying to get back in an see the Head but she has been difficult and unavailable despite having assured us all she was 'always in and we could pop in if we had any problems'.

I'm seeing her again this afternoon and I'm prepared to be told they aren't changing the policy.

Can anyone advice what I can say to her to highlight just how exclusive and unfair and harmful this policy is for 4 year olds?

I don't want my child to be rewarded for something out of her control. Me signing a bookmark isn't something she should be treated for. No more than she should be rewarded for having blue eyes or two parents or a house with a garden.

I don't understand why a school that is supposed to care for the nurturing of children, thinks a policy like this is good.

I think schools are make concerned with results than with emotional health and good morals and lessons.

I'd say just exactly what you have said here, just now.

I would also make clear the possibility of moving/withdrawing the child - not as a threat but perhaps to make clear the importance you are placing on your child's overall wellbeing.

Op I would just be honest with teacher about how you feel exclusion impacts on your dd.

I would also explain how you do read to her all the time, that you understand the importance of reading but, that the bookmark is something that you missed and it’s not your dd’s fault or responsibility and so she shouldn’t be rewarded or ‘punished’ for it and neither should other children.

Good luck!!

Ps. I also don’t understand why they wouldn’t ask the children if they had done the reading rather than relying solely on the signing of the bookmarks? Surely when they found the bookmark they could’ve asked her ‘did you do this reading with your mummy or daddy?’ And she could have said yes.

If your daughters account is true, then you have every right to be furious with the school. Shocking behaviour
Either way, you need to raise this at the school.

Omg. Rtft @whathaveiforgottentoday

I'd ask the head how she would feel if she lost her job because Ofsted forgot to file their report!

Good luck today.

It sounds like a this 'Buster bookmark' is a completely stupid and off putting tactic but not the only problem with the school.

Stick to 3 points. E.g.

1. This buster bookmark system is causing problems IN OTHER SCHOOLS TOO.
2. Children should not be punished because their parents forgot to sign.
3. The head teacher is not as available as she had promised.

Just stick to 3 things. (Whatever they may be, above is just an example)
Don't get side tracked.

I think it's absolutely insane. Primary schools just need to encourage a love of reading in children, that's all.

Firstly, I think it's extreme how the school have reacted, so I don't disagree with you with the punishment dished out.

However, and I realise I sound in the minority here, if you seriously can't find 5 mins a day to sit and hear your child read, there is something wrong with your priorities! It's five minutes and a quick scribble in the book!

She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

Here is your problem.

I do sympathise to an extent. I also work FT but the one week I forgot to sign in my son's book, I took it as a wake up call to myself - not as a sign to go into school all guns blazing.

#starutopia but she does do the reading with her dd. She just forgot to sign the bookmark!