To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

This is really crass on the part of the school. I’d be escalating it and asking how on Earth this corresponds with their ‘relaxed’ approach.

Very well done! I want to wish you well with your chronically ill child-a totally different situation but my son (now 18) was always sick and needing oxygen as he was a preemie but couldn’t gain weight and always catching whatever illness was circulating-he ended up with an intervention and started gaining weight and is now quite bigger so there is a light at end of tunnel

I am so sorry. Your dd sounds a lot like mine. Highly Gifted with high anxiety. Dd's teachers were constantly complaining about the wrong things...Dd can't spell worth beans, but was reading at a very advanced level at a young age, but LOVED graphic novels and the closest thing they had to graphic novels in elementary school was the baby books with lots of pictures so that's what she checked out when they went to the school library. I had to keep remind the teacher that it wasn't because she couldn't read (she was reading the Twilight series at home), but because she liked pictures in her books.
I eventually pulled her out of State school and put her in an alternative progressive private school where she flourished. She insisted on going back to state school for high school (we are in the USA) and did everything a little differently than the other kids, but is now just 16 and in her final year and taking most of her classes at Community College, but still going to High School for the social life (and the school recording studio and club).
P.S. I faked all the reading logs for both my kids. Stupid things. What do they do with parents who are illiterate? There are a significant number in our area.

I started DD with a therapist at a very young age (6 or 7) to help her with her anxiety, so now at 16 she has a really great toolkit and is generally much better equipped to deal with teenage drama and angst than most of her peers....(although she still does get an occasional panic attack in class, but is great at warning her teachers about them at the beginning of the school year and excusing herself to go to the nurse's office when she does get them).

I'd be looking for a new school too. Utterly ridiculous, I think you will have further issues further down the line if this is their policy with 4 years. What a joke. Have they heard of self-esteem?! They seem to discipline based on shame. Shame on them.

What sticks with me is how my daughter told me that they were really very cross with her and kept saying 'what a shame' and 'how disappointing'. No again. I know my child. This is not something she would just make up. She repeats everything people say and this is very clearly something that was said to her.

And I feel sick that she was made to feel like SHE had done something wrong. Ugh I'm more fucking angry now. I dreading but also need to speak to the Head. And how she responds is going to change my decision drastically.

I don't want her going back. But like my mum and partner have said, that's punishing her as she enjoys going.

Make sure everything is in writing if you request to speak to HT , so if it goes further you have evidence of conversations etc to present to governors . Is it a private or state school? X

I am a retired teacher and am horrified at all these comments - chill out everybody - you are talking about 4 year old children - just ask your selves are the children fed, clothed, and have a safe place to sleep? Do their parent/s love them and talk to them? These are the basic requirements.
Of course it is great if they have books to read / parent/s who have time to hear them read and note it down in a book but be realistic - the purpose of a school is to educate - the purpose of a parent is to nurture and love - no parent should ever feel inadequate and no child be punished for ridiculous school requirements.

Schools - take note - many of you are parents too - be honest about your expectations

MY Daughter’s school does the same. If their reading record isn’t signed, they lose their break time. Irrespective of reasoning or circumstances. DD reads an absolute ton and doesn’t need encouraging to do so, but sometimes whilst rushing around we forget to sign or add in what she has read.
Out of fear of missing her break time, she forged my signature one day to avoid missing out on playing with her friends. She’s 9. She should never have felt in the position to do something like that. These sort of rules just break kids :(

I think DD1's class when they were in Year 4/5 had some kind of sanction for not signing their reading record (though they were expected to fill it in themselves largely with parents signing in only occasionally). Now DD2 is in Y5 there are no sanctions at all but just encouragement to read 20 minutes or more a day and rewards if they are reading a lot (like house points or dojos). I've never heard of anything as draconian as the OP has described, and particularly not in reception class!

I had a bunch (14) ladies over last night for a girls night.

I'm in the States. We were talking about the British schooling system and I brought this story up and they didn't actually believe me I don't think.

The British education system, (I'm from the UK and worked with schools for over 20 years) in my opinion is awful. So much pressure is put on such young children. Many countries in the world are shocked at how things are in schools there now.

Out of fear of missing her break time, she forged my signature one day to avoid missing out on playing with her friends. She’s 9.

It's a stupid, unnecessarily punitive rule but your DD showed problem solving skills and initiative and as a parent I'd want to make her feel good about that.

This isn't a legal document so personally I wouldn't use the word forgery.

If it doesn’t feel right, change schools. I changed DD1’s school twice. Third time’s a charm!

Very harsh.

But I did roll my eyes at this

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said.

Really?! She’s 4 and been there a fortnight. Calm down.

My kids always have permission to sign my signature. They always do the reading so they shouldn’t be punished for my forgetfulness. I think if the school has an issue with whether I am reading with my kids/remembering to sign their record they should be professional enough to take it up with the adult rather than upsetting the child so that they have the conversation with their parent for them!

Bakedbeans

Thanks for communicating your eye roll. It really helped a mother with a sick toddler who has to face the reality that I'm incredibly unhappy with how my dd is treated at school and don't want it to continue.

Im really sorry my child being bright is so offensive to you.

Once again, thank you for your helpful, supportive comments. They mean the world to a struggling, sleep deprived, stressed out stranger you don't know.

I don't think your child being bright is problem for anyone, Monica, it is just that 'top of the class' is such an odd thing for a teacher to say of a pupil in a supposedly play-based reception class. It suggests someone who has scored the highest marks in formal exams. I think it strikes people as a just another strange thing about this school.

glagdy unfortunately, it's not much better in the USA. I moved my family back to California from the UK (I am from California) in part to escape the rigid UK education and found many of the same absurdities right here in West Los Angeles and like the OP experienced...despite the schools' pretenses at being progressive and encouraging of the creative spirit. Part of the problem is trying to create uniformity in the education system, which simply doesn't work if you have largely heterogeneous populations like we do in much of the USA and the UK. (vs. places like Finland where the population is very heterogeneous).

Bakedbeans it's really quite easy to spot a bright child even at age 4 and my experience has been that it's rare to have the parent of a less bright child claim that they are bright. That's not to say that being bright is the only characteristic required to be happy and successful in life. - It was however relevant to the OP's original statement because the teacher's response to her child's lack of a written log contradicted the teacher's knowledge of the child's abilities and support at home and the OP is upset that the teacher didn't interject some common sense into the process. The energies put into punishing the OP's child could have perhaps been better spent on offering support (not punishment) to a family that couldn't provide equal support at home, or a child with less reading ability.

DD used to sign my name as I forgot on both hers and ds's reading log.

They too would miss break if it wasn't signed.

'I asked them what if a parent doesn't read to their child at all. And they said 'well we will speak to that parent and continue to keep the child inside.' '

WTF? What about illiterate parents? Yes it happens. What about parents who are dyslexic? So their kids should be punished. This sounds asinine

This is quite simply outrageous! Your poor, poor daughter! I'm a primary school teacher and I echo what PP have said. Please, please take this further than the headteacher if you need to; chair of governors, Ofsted, local papers, local MP!

Absolutely horrid to treat your DD in that way. I would be livid. You overlooked what was expected therefore it should be you who was given a reprimand. Would check it out with school just on case DD has muddled the situation

it has been proven that there is no value to homework at primary level and most educationalists are opposed to it

This is not true. It is simplified and you are misrepresenting or misunderstanding what studies are able to show. They cannot "prove" the impact of homework, it's just not possible.

Sorry I know I am slightly derailing!

OP I second others who say complain but also look into putting your daughter somewhere else and no its not good practice to tell you your DD is top of the class!