To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

She is 4 years old. They’re being unfair and ridiculous. If they have any problem with how much reading is being done at home they need to speak to speak to the parents not punish the kids. Totally OTT and really mean. Glad you are on to this.

That is outrageous. I would contact the school and make sure your daughter's account is correct. If it is I would let them know wrong they are to do this and if this is a policy I would consider moving my child to another school.

That's slightly different from 'punishing' her for you not filling in the record. It's the staff making sure that children who are not (to their knowledge) being read with at home get read to instead of playing.

What does being read with even mean at this age? Doubt if a 4 year old just started reception can read much herself yet. And certainly not for a sustained 45 minutes. If its an adult was reading to the child, sure all children love a story, but not so much when all the other children were having so much fun outside during the last days of summer. Perhaps OP could clarify what her DD was doing in those 45 minutes because it sounds like a punishment to me however you choose to dress it up.

Wow they have just amazingly well of putting a child off school there and afraid of school not enjoying it.

I'm still crap about the homework book. I also stopped reading to my child at around 6 because he was reading so many books by himself that there was no need really. He would read for 30 minutes before bedtime. He has millions of books and loves reading. I would just lie, my mum who now fills the book in because I was always forgetting (she has before and after school) lies.

I'm lucky my child was never punished or left out. Those kids that filled their homework in would get golden points which did get my son moaning at me to fill it in

My DS school is bloody awesome from my point of view. Yours sound very misguided. I'd be fuming about it. She's 4 and has no control over it. What a very bad first impression she has of school which must be very upsetting for you. Go kick ass!!

I'd be thinking about moving to another school.
I realise this sounds drastic but my DS1,started at a school that had similar crazy expectations about homework that we couldn't meet (ironic that primary teachers nearly all female don't realise mums have jobs). It didn't work out well.
A few years later he got 8A*/A at GCSEs so my failure to write in the reading book didn't hold him back too much.

I'm so angry for you . I have a just turned 6 year old. I'd be devastated if she'd been treated that way. schools seem to forget that young children go to bed early and have other tasks/activities they like to do that are not set from school. also that homework is really homework for parents too and it's a struggle to fit it in sometimes
also we are all human and forget things sometimes. especially when they're new to our routine. it's a full time job keeping up with school paperwork sometimes! and don't get me started on random short notice can you attend/volunteer/pop in for xyz

rant over

PS my point being that these targets are aimed at parents who wouldn't otherwise give their kids intellectual stimulation. You don't get credit for time spent discussing current affairs over the dinner table, taking them to museums or exhibitions etc.

Learning to read is important, but so is play and socialising with friends. She's 4, ffs!

She is 4 - she should not even be in school at all in my opinion, and as for punishing her for your "failing" (!) clearly that is wrong. I had a friend who simply wrote to the primary school and said that under no circumstances would her child be doing homework - school is school and home is home. The school did not bat an eyelid.

If the school where your tiny DD is endorses this appalling policy then I would not want a child of mine there.

I wish your dd went to our school. I'm very glad I work at my school not yours.

I can’t stand precious parents so was expecting to be irritated by your post but you ADNBU. This reception teacher needs to take a good long look at herself. What a stupid, counter-productive, mean minded way to treat a child.

I'd look to move my child if this is as you say - both because of the punishments and because they are telling you your child is top of the class. This is bad at any time, never mind a few weeks into school.

I would be very very unhappy at this. Even if they've got the shittest parents in the world - you don't take parental shittyness out on the child, and staying in to read while your mates get to play on the big field = "punishment" if you're 4 years old. Let alone accepting parents are human, still getting into the routines of the schools and learning to get their head around the utter barrage of fundraisers, letters home confirming your contact details/collection arrangements/mother's shoe size, random shitty letters from every local organisation going and dress up days, PTA events and everything else (and OP you have just reminded me on typing that that I need to get DD1 to pack her recorder for Monday morning so thank you please don't have the lesson cancelled again as I'd love her to learn a note other than the fortnight of B... B... B... B-B we've had so far ).

To be honest - when mine were at a school which would go in for not so much punishment but such heavy incentivising it was basically the same thing - I just used to falsify the shit outta reading diary entries if we'd had a bad week. We read LOADS at home, but the school were so lax on changing books and refused to allow DD1 to move up to a level appropriate for what she was reading (required walking along the corridor to get those books so no one wanted to do it) so I ploughed through "A cat, a mat, a hat, a cat in a hat on a mat" once and just filled in the required number of boxes and we read something more interesting.

Now we're at a school that blows the old school out of the water - Reception get a few snarky notes in classroom windows about the importance of reading every night (fair dos - they've got a point), but that's about it, the school wouldn't penalise a child for it - they'd just target them more for reading during the week in school if needs be. Better results... better ofsted... less bullshit.

That is appalling. So much so that I would seriously consider changing schools.

She’s 4 years old I seriously think the uk has gone bonkers

Not the UK, just this particular school.
If you read every post on this thread, you will see everyone (except I think 2 posters) think this is appalling.

What part of the 1920s is this school living in? Sounds wrong on every level, if this is actually what they are doing. Get back in there and speak to them. If this for real, I would find another school pronto.

Wow this is awful. I’d be looking for a new school. I’d be calling the LA and telling them I’m keeping my child at home until they find a place elsewhere. This is seriously bad. I’m a teacher, a single parent and I work part time and I’m at uni doing my masters. My children love between me and their dad. They used to also stay with a grandparent a couple of nights every other eeel due to dad’s shifts when DD1 was in reception. We - well not me by the ex h - frequently forgot to sign/return books as we are busy people. It was never an issue. We’d bring it in the next day. Some weeks we run out of time for reading. Currently looking at my DD2s book waiting to be read. Was given on Monday but o then took her to dad’s house Monday night til Wednesday night and the book stayed with me. It gets lost if it goes back and forward. Wednesday is late when I collect them from after school club, home, tea, bath and bed is all we have time for. Thursday is quick tea before gymnastics and rainbows, then bed, Friday is straight to swimming - children in at different times. Today is Saturday and we haven’t given it a thought as we met grandad for brunch, home and change for a 2 hour class, home and change for church. Dad is picking them up in the morning and will take them to school Monday. I’m hoping to either fit in a quick read before he collects them or that he will do some reading as her book has to be back Monday. Luckily it’s not an issue of i don’t sign the record or sign it saying we haven’t read. She will be heard at school and have a lovely day. We will either get the same book back or a new one. Last week we read several times in the week. Next week we will try again. If at any point the schoo took the kind of route the OP has mentioned we would be out of there like a shot.

Should also add this equals the schools who reward attendance in big ways -
Or punish kids with poor attendance. Attendance is down to the parent’s decision as whether their child is fit for school (or for some if the parent can be bothered to take them) and so the child should be neither rewarded stating healthy (or having mean parents who send them in when they’re sick) or punished for being ill (or having lax parents who couldn’t care less about school attendance).

There’s no way any reception teacher would communicate with a parent their child was too of the class- let alone within two weeks , this is the settling period where initial assessments take place but the focus is on routine and social skills x

I didn't realise it was so bad of them to tell me she was top of the class. She's always been very bright but that's never been my priority. I've always been more concerned with her anxiety and intense emotions.

She did tell me she got to hand her name up on the special wall as she can count to 100 alone. Which actually on her first week might make other kids feel bad too...

This is completely the opposite of what the school claim to be. They made such a song and dance about how relaxed they are and want the kids to be free thinkers and learn by doing and knowing instead of forcing.

This is completely contradictory to what they are doing.

Ugh, it sounds toxic and competitive Monica! Your daughter sounds great though, you've obviously done a wonderful job. Hope you get some solutions soon.

Thank you shadylady

I obviously think she's great 😛.

To be honest I'm working so much more on her confidence physically and emotionally than on anything else right now. We having started swimming lessons to get over her fear of the water and and she's finally climbing up normal height slides for the first time ever! She's doing great. I just want to do the best I can by her and I feel sick that she just wants to please and be good and she was punished for my forgetfulness

She's four. Oh my God.

This sort of shit gets worse, not better. You've found yourself in one of 'those' schools.

It must be so frustrating to be putting so much work into building a child's self esteem up and sending her somewhere for the bulk of the day/week where they don't share your values and are potentially damaging her confidence. I can't understand their policies...they fly in the face of all current safeguarding advice and guidelines. I also don't understand how an adult capable of empathy could do this to a child, let alone a four year old in a totally new environment. I feel sick thinking of it and i'm not even a mum yet, can't imagine how you've been feeling!

That’s not your fault it’s theirs , also I do agree with your point the punishment was unjust . A warning for the first week should of been enough . I’m a teacher and I’ll hold my hands up , there’s days life gets in the way and I don’t read with DC . An hour for a four year old is a life time . Also reception children should initially be sent home with picture books as the first skil of reading is being able to hold a book , turn pages left to right it should be an enjoyable experience which the school have made an issue out of unessaceraly for your DD xx