To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

[monicafallulageller]

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

Starutopia

This is completely not about me not reading to my child. Something I do for much longer than the recommended 10 minutes a day.

It isn't about me have the wrong priorities and not sparing 5 minutes to listen to my child read and scribble in a book. She's 4 and 4 months. She can't read. I read to her. For much longer than 10 minutes a day.

This policy does not encourage a love of reading. Reading at home from a young age encouraged a love of reading.

This policy teaches children that they will be rewarded for things out of their control. And therefore punished for things out of their control.

Well I'm more upset and angry than ever.

Complete and utter disregarding all my comments and points. Refused to change the policy and just completely refused to see the negative exclusion they are doing.

I don't want to send her there. My partner thinks I need to just suck it up and get over it and that removing her is unfair on her.

But I feel sick at the way the head teacher has spoken to me and dealt with this and the thought of her going there is horrible.

I don't know what to do and I feel so down and lost.

I think you would be justified moving schools based on this, and can imagine how you must be feeling sick - the response is extremely disappointing, it sounds like the head is very defensive, and incredibly frustrating that they cannot follow/accept your reasonable arguments. But I guess I would still be comparing other schools and trying to make a calculated decision before taking the plunge - are there great things about the current school that you would not find elsewhere, is there anything that could offset this (disturbing) aspect, can you imagine your daughter being happy there despite this unfairness (do the other children appear happy, are the older children confident and kind)? Are there any other parents you can talk about this to? It does seem so incredibly, massively unreasonable and unfair.

YANBU. Your partner needs to realise that this will only get worse as your daughter gets older.

I was once advised that if a complaint is put to a school in WRITING then they must account for those complaints to ofsted when being inspected and therefore they take them more seriously. I’m not sure if this is true but perhaps worth doing anyway.

The policy is vile and I would also send a copy of the written complaint to the governors and ofsted (just for info).

In addition, knowing a school headmaster thinks this horrid policy is a good way to motivate children, I would move her as this is only the tip of the iceburg and will get worse as she gets older.

So sorry Op! Did the head show any sympathy or understanding at all? In this scenario I would be upset too! I would’ve expected some understanding even if the policy continues.

I'd feel the same op. I'm surprised at the head's response.

No. But there was mocking and deliberate refusal to understand any point other than hers. Word twisting and hyperbole too.

I feel incredibly let down

Wow that's bad OP. I do think you should take this to the Governors in writing.

If this is what they are like about a 4 year old's reading then I can only imagine how bad it gets for the kids the higher up the school they go. I personally would move my child if she went to a school like this as this would really shake my trust that they have the children's best interests at heart.

Well you won't foret again will you, so their policy is obviously effective.Has also sent a clear messae to your DC that doing your homework is rewarded and not doing it isn't

Easily top of the class already
Yet she can't read!! I find it very unusual that none of the reception class can read.Usually some can

I agree that you should write to the governors, and Ofsted.

I’m actually appalled.

Trust your instincts, are these the people you want educating your child?

What are the other options for schools in your area, OP? (Apologies if you've said and I've missed it - it's a long thread). In your position I'd absolutely want to change schools but I understand this is easier said than done in some circumstances (rural and only school for miles, other schools oversubscribed, etc.)

We have a lot of schools very close. Most are oversubscribed.

Our closest one is where 90% of her friends go but we didn't like it. Everyone I've spoke to is happy with it so I think maybe I will give it another thought

Are you saying that the head was deliberately making fun of you in your meeting? That is outrageous, and that attitude is permeating all through the school. If you're up for a fight, take it to the governors, make a written complaint. If you can't face it, get your child out of there. Go and talk to someone at the other school where your daughter's friends are, it's often easier to move mid term.

That’s really mean! Poor pet:(

I would definitely seriously consider moving her.

As a contrast my DD is at secondary school, they have introduced a very strict policy on being late. Due to a road accident we were 5 minutes past the bell this morning when we arrived. I spoke to the Senior teacher on the gate and he could see she was upset and said he'd make sure she wasn't punished - as it wasn't her fault. Justice tempered with mercy is a basic requirement I have for any school for my DC.

Our closest one is where 90% of her friends go but we didn't like it. Everyone I've spoke to is happy with it so I think maybe I will give it another thought

Go and visit asap and see how it operates in the day. Look online at their policies. Talk to the head and see their reaction when you explain why you want to move your DD (she can be professional about it, she won't just slag off the other HT)

You will never trust that HT again and your DD is a long time in Primary.

(But do look out for 100% attendance rewards. They're everywhere too)

That's horrid. Why punish the child for the transgressions of the parent? I think you should complain to the Head.

Children out of school jump up to the front of wait lists btw... just sayin ;)

No they don't.Each school has published admissions criteria and they have to follow those.

It's not a punishment but a reward for those who have read which is probably what the head tried to get through to you. Fair enough not to like the policy so best to move schools. I imagine putting rewards in place has had a positive impact overall

One thing to bear in mind is that initiatives and heads can change quite readily.

They are not punishing her. They are rewarding the children who did their homework correctly including getting their parents to fill in the card. Did your dd present you with the card and say 'mum, you have to write on here what I have read'

If you are going to leave, please put it in writing why you are leaving.

Best of luck, yourself and your daughter have been treated very badly.

God I would be incandescent with rage. I'm furious at the min as the teacher has been keeping my 6 year old in at lunch for not doing her spelling practice the 'right' way but this is even worse!!!
I would kick up one hell of a stink over this op. Your poor daughter.