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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry my 4 year old was excluded

349 replies

monicafallulageller · 28/09/2018 15:55

Name changed for this just incase I'm actually being unreasonable and I don't want to have to live it down!

My 4.4 has just started school. She has been there 2 weeks.

Last week were were sent home a bookmark type card where we have to write down how many minutes we have read with our child at home.

This week I forgot. I work from home full time, have an almost permanently unwell toddler. And I forgot.

Because of this, my child along with another whose negligent parent also didn't time their minutes, was sat inside the classroom while 43 other children were taken to the adventure playground in the 'big school' for an hour.

My daughter was told it was because mummy didn't bring her certificate in and they were disappointed and what a shame it was. She was also told she would be taking the class teddy home for the weekend but that was changed because of this.

I am so upset about this. She is at school 3.5 times more than she is at home every day. She goes to bed at 6:30 and gets home at 4pm. And she has been excluded because they can't monitor the reading done during those short hours she is home.

She is very bright. Easily top of the class already which they have said. I have a very relaxed attitude at home due to how long and tiring school is for her!

I feel really let down and hurt that she was treated like this because of my business and forgetfulness.

Aibu unreasonable to massively fucked off.

OP posts:
ArfArfBarf · 28/09/2018 15:57

Yep that was totally OTT of them.

Mumoftwinsandanother · 28/09/2018 15:59

If your daughter has understood correctly and her version of events is correct then YANBU (of course). I would however tread carefully when trying to find out from the school what actually happened as its really not unlikely that a 4 year old has got the facts wrong.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 28/09/2018 15:59

They shouldn't have told her that. Are they trying to make her come home and be angry with you? I can't believe they were so cruel as to say that to her.. "mummy didn't do this so you miss out". That just seems needlessly cruel.

They do absolutely have a point about parent involvement. If that's what the school require then you need to do it. It's homework and she (and you) need to learn that homework must be done. But they should have sent you a letter saying that she will miss out the next time you fail to do it rather than doing this straight away.

FishesThatFly · 28/09/2018 15:59

Very very harsh. She is being punished fir something that is not her responsibility or fault.

AhYeahOkayThen · 28/09/2018 16:00

That's really awful of them. They could have just sent a letter to you home with her rather then exclude her.

Did you know this could happen in advance? I would think they should have to tell parents beforehand the consequences of not filling it out.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2018 16:00

I would raise absolute hell over this. To exclude and punish a 4 year old for something the PARENT neglected to do is beyond cruel and disgusting. Where in the fuck did these teachers learn about child development?? This is draconian and unacceptable. Please stand up for your child!

PrettyLovely · 28/09/2018 16:00

Wow! You are not being unreasonable! Shes in reception! I have never heard of anything like that happening in reception, Such a massive life change for them starting school I would be really unhappy about this at that age they dont remember stuff and cant be responsible for remembering to do things.
Teacher sounds like a dragon!

Celebelly · 28/09/2018 16:00

If that's true then it's awful. Poor little girl. I'd be asking the teacher for their side of it, if you haven't heard it already.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/09/2018 16:00

Absolutely ridiculous.

Believeitornot · 28/09/2018 16:01

I would go and speak to the teacher!! Give the school a ring and ask them to ring back.

Find out what happened before jumping in

MrsStrowman · 28/09/2018 16:01

That sounds really harsh, I understand the need for the reading record and it's not fair to say the brighter children don't need to fill it in, but you forgot, these things happen, even if the teacher had sent a note home or spoken to you and reminded you for next time that would be reasonable. To punish a four year old because their parent forgot to fill in their reading record is horrible.

mumofmunchkin · 28/09/2018 16:02

I would speak to the teacher. If your daughter has reported this accurately, then I think it's totally over the top. There are plenty of children in before/after school care 7-6 each day, have working parents, parents who don't understand the importance of reading, who don't have a lot of books at home, who have an ill parent/grandparent/sibling that week so reading slides - so so so many reasons why a child might not have read at home which, at that age, are simply not the child's fault. To punish a 4 year old at all, particularly to that degree, for this, is totally over the top.

sue51 · 28/09/2018 16:02

I would be fuming in your shoes. A 4 year old can't be accountable for her parent's forgetfulness. Keeping the class teddy from her is just cruel. I'd be looking for a more tolerant school.

Fruitcake13 · 28/09/2018 16:02

YANBU Sounds like they were really harsh. I would speak to the teacher see what they say.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2018 16:02

Who did you hear all this from?

Cachailleacha · 28/09/2018 16:04

YANBU. Children should not be excluded from a reward because of something that is out of their control.

Isleepinahedgefund · 28/09/2018 16:04

I’d be complaining to the head about this.

I understand they want parents to be involved in their child’s education (and so they should be) but this isn’t the way to go about it. A four year old cannot possibly be expected to take responsibility for their own reading, or for their parents having many other commitments (or simply not being bothered as I’m sure some parents are). It isn’t fair to sanction the child based on something they can’t control. Telling her about the class teddy makes it worse for me aswell, she was punished twice for something she had no control over.

Her ability doesn’t come into it IMO though. At least they applied their silly policy equally. It would be worse in a whole new way if they had said she could go because she’s bright and will learn to read anyway!

ChasedByBees · 28/09/2018 16:05

You need to speak to the teacher but this sounds really unreasonable of them.

monicafallulageller · 28/09/2018 16:05

As soon as she came out she told me and I waited and asked them if it was correct.

They said yes it is our policy.

I 100% spoke to them straight away and they said exactly the same thing that dd did.

I asked them what if a parent doesn't read to their child at all. And they said 'well we will speak to that parent and continue to keep the child inside.'

I'm glad I'm not over reacting. Because I feel Incredibly uncomfortable with the way they have treated her.

OP posts:
musicinspring1 · 28/09/2018 16:06

I would echo what a previous poster has said - find out exactly what happened from the school themselves as 4 year olds can sometimes get the wrong end of the stick. If it is as your daughter says then I would be very unimpressed and even considering if this was school for me ... you have 7 more years and a younger sibling ....

CripsSandwiches · 28/09/2018 16:08

WTAF? If that is what actually happened then I'd be very angry. What a horrible way to put children off reading and school through no fault of their own. I would very calmly go down to school and check what actually went on.

PrettyLovely · 28/09/2018 16:08

School sounds awful, I would be looking for a new school personally.

CripsSandwiches · 28/09/2018 16:08

Sorry missed the update. That is completely outrageous on the part of the school.

Aprilislonggone · 28/09/2018 16:09

I would be looking for a new school tbh.

Cornishclio · 28/09/2018 16:10

Is that school policy or just one teacher? I think that is awful to penalise a child because a parent forgot to fill out a reading record.

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