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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Drama

298 replies

Namechanger86745 · 28/09/2018 11:59

I’ve namechanged as this is very outing.

A close friend of mine has got engaged and has asked me to be bridesmaid. I, of course, said yes and have been happily helping her plan. She’s had some bridezilla moments but they are mainly with her MIL who is a bit crazy.

So the problem is with the bridesmaids’ dresses. I’m a firm believer of wearing whatever the bride wants you to. She has also asked us all to pay for our dresses but she told us upfront when she asked us to be bridesmaids that we would need to so we are fine with this (within reason). There are 6 of us and we all absolutely hate the dress she has picked. She has found it online with her DM and it is honestly the fuglest dress I have ever seen.

www.kissydress.co.uk/product/orange-organza-ruffles-sweetheart-floor-length-ball-gown

We’ve decided to tell her how we feel and drew straws. I obviously drew the short straw. So AIBU to tell her that we do not want to wear and pay for these monstrosities? How do I do that without upsetting her? She’s so stressed and I don’t want to add to that.

She wants them in yellow btw. Not a flattering colour on any of us

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
AriadnePersephoneCloud · 28/09/2018 15:05

That is the most incredible dress I've ever seen. If it wasn't £144 I'd say you have to wear it. Once you've worn that monstrosity everything else you ever wear in your life will feel amazing Grin

PiperPublickOccurrences · 28/09/2018 15:17

I would tell her all the horror stories which are easily found online about buying dresses from China and they either don't arrive, or arrive looking dreadful.

Not worth the risk.

Then suggest you all go shopping together.

StealthNinjaMum · 28/09/2018 15:18

Fuck me. My grandmother used to have a crinoline lady on her toilet brush in the 1970s. I swear it looked like that dress.

ShartGoblin · 28/09/2018 15:18

I made the mistake of buying a dress from one of these sorts of sites that ended up being Chinese. The issues I had:

  • Expensive shipping
  • Arrived late
  • Surprise duty fee that was more than I would usually pay for a dress
  • They got the colour wrong
  • Material was different to the picture - quality was much worse
  • Hems & seams were jaggedly cut (I know you only see them on the inside but for the price it annoyed me
  • THEY LEFT SOME OF THE PINS IN SO I GOT STABBED IN THE BOOB
  • None of the costs were refunded, they couldn't care less and aren't regulated so, if you are unhappy with anything, they won't help you at all.

Sorry for the caps but I needed to draw attention to it as I found it quite shocking

ILoveHumanity · 28/09/2018 15:20

A friend of mine did something similar and bought me a really cheap dress with a lollipop colour which I absolutely hated. I wore It and sucked it up. I didn’t offer to pay for it though. I genuinely felt like a clown wearing it. It also turns out she told us we were bridesmaids but we weren’t lol so that’s different

But it’s good ur friend is consulting you beforehand . Perhaps just tell he because “the dress isn’t really my type, can we choose something else “?

Instead of what my friend did “I wanna surprise you on the day” and offer us a dress which so obviously wasn’t her taste or anyone’s taste.

ApolloandDaphne · 28/09/2018 15:30

My goodness that is one terrible frock.

EmeryisntthenewWenger · 28/09/2018 15:30

I wouldn’t want to be near a naked flame with that monstrosity on.

RibbonAurora · 28/09/2018 15:36

It's got to be a wind up, come on. Sorry OP, but if this is real you really need to find some better friends. Anyone who would not only expect you to wear that but also pay for the privilege is not, by any stretch of the meaning of the word, a friend.

killingtime9198 · 28/09/2018 15:38

She has GOT to be joking. SURELY.

Then again - judging by the reviews people actually are buying these monstrosities!

Good luck for your talk!

Beaverhausen · 28/09/2018 15:38

Omg that is hideous! Are they trying to recreate a gypsie wedding?

gilmoregal · 28/09/2018 15:43

This is a windup surely? No adult woman would
choose this for her wedding?

If it's not then I'm not sure what to say, I've been a bm twice this yeah and happily loves both dresses however if either of them picked something I'd hated I would have worn it and changed in the evening as they're my closest friends and wouldn't have wanted to miss out on being part of their day.

That being said the dress is something a 16 year old with the worst taste would wear to prom/like a dress from my big fat gypsy wedding. I definitely wouldn't want to wear it and I absolutely wouldn't want to pay for it.

If this is real then all the best OP.

jq28 · 28/09/2018 15:46

That is horrendous maybe it's some kind of joke?!

MrsJane · 28/09/2018 15:48

Bride chooses, bride pays.

Bridesmaids pay, bridesmaids choose (within reason, colour theme, style etc).

She’s being very cheeky expecting you to pay out a lot of money on something none of you like.

MsJolly · 28/09/2018 15:51
Shock
Mama1980 · 28/09/2018 15:52

That is hideous. I'm sorry op you drew the short straw. If it's not a wind up I'd just politely say that it won't suit, the photos will look awful, maybe go armed with other suggestions?

MaryBoBary · 28/09/2018 15:52

It’s awful OP, why not find an alternative you do all like and then speak to her about it?

combatbarbie · 28/09/2018 16:00

It has got to be a wind up..... no-one in their sane mind including a bridezilla would choose that as a BM dress!!

Rebecca36 · 28/09/2018 16:01

Awful dress, horrible colour. Why on earth can't she choose a simple, classic dress in a pale colour or ivory?

If all the bridesmaids tell her it's awful she'll have to change her mind.

shirleyschmidt · 28/09/2018 16:09

I actually don't mind it Grin but I think it's bad that a bridesmaid should be expected to pay £145 from their own pocket for any bridesmaid dress, let alone one they're very unlikely to ever benefit from owning. If the bride wants dresses for that sort of money then she needs to pay for them, and if she can't cover it then it's only fair to ensure you actually like what you're buying!

M3lon · 28/09/2018 16:11

I think you should tell her that you can't buy the dresses from that website as people have had their details stolen.

Tell her she risks her card, or you buy them from a reputable company.

whatwillbewillbe03 · 28/09/2018 16:15

I too would go down the scam website route... if she really insists maybe just order 1 for the time being and see how long it takes to come and the quality and fit as ordering overseas the sizing can be drastically different...

I hope to god its a wind up though!

BewareOfDragons · 28/09/2018 16:15

Bride should be paying if she wants to pick.

Stand firm for all the bridesmaids: they will pick something else, within reason and colour scheme, if she wants them to pay for their dresses.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 28/09/2018 16:23

I took one look at that website and thought 'whatever turns up will NOT look like that pic'. Grin

longtompot · 28/09/2018 16:25

I would go armed with a few different options to show her after telling her you all hate the dress and all the other reasons why its not a good idea ie photos etc.
Also, maybe ask her (before launching into the dress is hideous) just what it is she likes about it.

Rafflesway · 28/09/2018 16:28

Definitely scammy Chinese website hiding behind a U.K email address. Have you noticed there is no telephone number on which to contact the company - only an email address and you will be lucky to receive a reply to any questions.

Don't touch it with a bargepole!

Also I think you all need to agree a maximum budget for the dress if you are paying yourselves. I would stipulate no more than say £75 each purchased from a recognised UK retailer and had to be something you could wear again. Sorry but if she's not happy with that she can always buy the dresses herself.

I would primarily focus on the dodgy website and then introduce the fact the dress is over budget and can't really be worn again.