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AIBU?

Wedding Drama

298 replies

Namechanger86745 · 28/09/2018 11:59

I’ve namechanged as this is very outing.

A close friend of mine has got engaged and has asked me to be bridesmaid. I, of course, said yes and have been happily helping her plan. She’s had some bridezilla moments but they are mainly with her MIL who is a bit crazy.

So the problem is with the bridesmaids’ dresses. I’m a firm believer of wearing whatever the bride wants you to. She has also asked us all to pay for our dresses but she told us upfront when she asked us to be bridesmaids that we would need to so we are fine with this (within reason). There are 6 of us and we all absolutely hate the dress she has picked. She has found it online with her DM and it is honestly the fuglest dress I have ever seen.

www.kissydress.co.uk/product/orange-organza-ruffles-sweetheart-floor-length-ball-gown

We’ve decided to tell her how we feel and drew straws. I obviously drew the short straw. So AIBU to tell her that we do not want to wear and pay for these monstrosities? How do I do that without upsetting her? She’s so stressed and I don’t want to add to that.

She wants them in yellow btw. Not a flattering colour on any of us

OP posts:

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Uggywuggy · 28/09/2018 12:20

Hmmm, she wouldn’t be one of those brides who wants her bridesmaids to look rubbish so she looks even better, would she...? Can’t think of any other explanation for that dress!!!

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midsomermurderess · 28/09/2018 12:20

I think you'd be doing her a kindness, otherwise, in a year or two when she looks at the photos, she'll think, WTAF, why didn't someone stop me.

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CalonGlas · 28/09/2018 12:22

But I do think this might be a wind up...

not sure what the bridal equivalent of hairy hands is. Maybe favour fingers

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MrsMozart · 28/09/2018 12:22

Tell her that if there's six of you in that there dress then she, as the bride, will be totally overshadowed and indeed lost amongst the colour...

And that none of you can afford £145 on a dress you couldn't wear again (it's not exactly forgettable).

And that you love her very much and want to be sure she's the centre of attention on her special day.

Good luck!

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Bubbaduck · 28/09/2018 12:22

Looks like one of those Chinese websites where what you get doesn't look anything like the picture. In this case, that might be a good thing as I can't see that dress getting any worse.

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hamabr86 · 28/09/2018 12:23

I would try the 'Haha very funny... what is the one you really picked??' approach. If is a joke well played, if not it'll give her a second to think about it and pretend that she hasn't picked something so awful...

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Hillarious · 28/09/2018 12:24

Just say "ha, ha. Good one. Now tell us what you really want us to wear."

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wafflyversatile · 28/09/2018 12:24

Well you could try saying 'Darling please remember what I'm about to say comes from a place of love - your taste is fucking awful and your bridesmaids have all flounced' so maybe 'this style is lovely, but not everyone can carry off that shape and colour. Maybe if you give me some guidelines we can come back to you with some suggestions that are in our budget, will suit us, and you'll love as much as this one.'

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DaisyLand · 28/09/2018 12:25

It looks like a scam Chinese website that people keep having problems with.

She might have chosen it so people don’t look at her as braids maids will be the ones to look at on the day !

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UnderMajorDomoMinor · 28/09/2018 12:25

Suggestion up thread is spot on ‘sorry none of us can pull that off. We’ll discuss it ourselves and send some suggestion’

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mamansnet · 28/09/2018 12:25

Just in case this isn't a windup.

If 6 bridesmaids are all wearing that, there's no photographer in the world who could fit you all in the same shot. So her wedding photos will be crap. And all the attention will be on you 6 instead of the bride - unless she's planning to wear something even more ridiculous.

If it kicks off, tell her you'd rather not pay £144 to look like a dick, and a real friend wouldn't want you to either.

Everyone will remember her wedding for all the wrong reasons. You're being a better friend by telling her that!

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Rainagain1 · 28/09/2018 12:26

Maybe tell her that it is an amazing statement dress but with 6 of those huge dresses you would all be worried about her being a bit lost. Then have ready a nice slinky normal dress and suggest that.
Keep saying that it is such a strong statement dress you are all worried about over shadowing her. Hopefully that might do it.

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CripsSandwiches · 28/09/2018 12:26

OH MY GOD that dress is ugly!
I would definitely come up with an alternative that you're all happy with.

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Xiaoxiong · 28/09/2018 12:27

I agree - say that you think that the particular website is not a good idea to use, especially if you are each shelling out so much money.

Then under the guise of finding a better dress for all of you, ask her what it was about that dress she liked - strapless? Yellow? Crystals and embroidery? And try to lead her down the path of something that is more sensible!!

eg. if it's yellow she likes, here are some: www.debenhams.com/women/dresses/bridesmaid/yellow

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Trampire · 28/09/2018 12:27

God it's vile.

It looks like a drawing an 8 yr old did with a crayon of a poofy Princess dress.

I really feel for you OP. I hate any kind of confrontation too. I know you drew the short straw but I think it's unfair to have to bring this up totally on your own. I would have least offered to be with you if I was a bridesmaid (I'd hope I would!).

I think having 6 of those at wedding would completely drown out a bride so I'd take that tack first. Keep reintegrating that you are all worried about upsetting her but you all hate the dress so much it will make the day unenjoyable and that's the last thing you want etc.

Good luck.

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ree348 · 28/09/2018 12:28

Well with that outfit on - the attention will definitely be on the bridesmaids and not the bride! (In a bad way of course).

Maybe say it in a jokingly way and see how she responds. Also some dresses colour / cut doesn't suit all body shapes. I think it's always good to have the same colour but the style to be different but at the same time the dresses all complement each other (if that makes sense?!).

Good luck ! Paying £150 to look like a clown wouldn't go down with me, if she's a true friend she will hear you out.

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itbemay · 28/09/2018 12:28

Sorry OP they are awful! Why are you paying also? Is that the done thing now?? I would have a collective word.... shouldn't be left to you. Just say no.

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happymummy12345 · 28/09/2018 12:29

It's horrible. No way would I ever wear it.
Wrong she's expecting you to pay as well. The bride should always pay for bridesmaids.

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CalonGlas · 28/09/2018 12:30

You'd have to be absolutely certain there were no naked flames at the venue. Those dresses look like a Health and Safety nightmare.

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ElsieMc · 28/09/2018 12:30

If it is one of the Chinese websites who make up the dresses, then you could warn her that a colleague/friend/relative had one made and when they came they were just awful, very poor quality. It isn't a lie really - one of my colleagues had a wedding dress made in this way and when it came, well, less said the better. She had to buy another one and a way of saving money became an expensive mistake.

What on earth must her dress look like to have to compete with this? It will look like a ballroom dancing competition and you wont all fit in the church/register office because you will all be so huge and puffy. Sorry to be blunt. It also looks like those postcards you see in spain with a flamenco dancer on the front with a net skirt. I do have to ask if this is a windup op.

Just hope she doesn't shoot the messenger.

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Supermummy06 · 28/09/2018 12:30

That dress is horrific!

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Trampire · 28/09/2018 12:31

Yes, definitely show her those bad reviews too! Ordering 6 of them is bound to come up with some that don't fit. They seem very hard to return/exchange etc.

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CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 28/09/2018 12:31

Careful. When I was bm the bride sent us a link to some fuck ugly shoes and asked us what we thought. I thought she was joking. She wasn’t. It didn’t end well... but she still bought the bloody things and wore them so what was the point of asking?

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MeadowHay · 28/09/2018 12:32

Why did you agree to be a bridesmaid and pay for the dress if you knew that you would only do so if you like the dress? Personally I think it's cheeky as fuck to ask someone to be your bridesmaid but expect them to pay the outfit that you are going to be picking for them to wear, but I know it's becoming more common these days (why don't people just have a wedding they can actually afford rather than asking people to pay for their wedding?!). However you agreed to this and I think it is very unfair to change your mind now that you don't like the dress. It's for the bride to decide what her bridesmaids were and if you weren't prepared to wear whatever she asked of you then you shouldn't have said yes to being a bridesmaid in the first place!

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CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 28/09/2018 12:33

You’d be better off going to Coast etc as at least you can ensure the sizing is accurate.

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