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AIBU?

Wedding Drama

298 replies

Namechanger86745 · 28/09/2018 11:59

I’ve namechanged as this is very outing.

A close friend of mine has got engaged and has asked me to be bridesmaid. I, of course, said yes and have been happily helping her plan. She’s had some bridezilla moments but they are mainly with her MIL who is a bit crazy.

So the problem is with the bridesmaids’ dresses. I’m a firm believer of wearing whatever the bride wants you to. She has also asked us all to pay for our dresses but she told us upfront when she asked us to be bridesmaids that we would need to so we are fine with this (within reason). There are 6 of us and we all absolutely hate the dress she has picked. She has found it online with her DM and it is honestly the fuglest dress I have ever seen.

www.kissydress.co.uk/product/orange-organza-ruffles-sweetheart-floor-length-ball-gown

We’ve decided to tell her how we feel and drew straws. I obviously drew the short straw. So AIBU to tell her that we do not want to wear and pay for these monstrosities? How do I do that without upsetting her? She’s so stressed and I don’t want to add to that.

She wants them in yellow btw. Not a flattering colour on any of us

OP posts:

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SirVixofVixHall · 28/09/2018 13:13

I would tell her that the dress is so voluminous, and in yellow so er.. bright, that the bridesmaids as a group will completely overwhelm and clash with her as a bride. Suggest something simpler and softer coloured “as there are so many of us I think it will look better , and make you the central focus in the pictures” . Maybe have a look at some more elegant and flattering dresses before you meet so you can present her with suggestions ?
As to yellow....hardly anyone suits bright acid yellow. Other yellows only work on specific colourings. She needs a colour rethink, has she chosen yellow to match the flowers or something ? In which case she could go for a cream perhaps ?

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Clandestino · 28/09/2018 13:15

I'd rather go naked.

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stoplickingthetelly · 28/09/2018 13:16

I can't actually believe she wants you all to wear this. All 6 of you! There are no words.

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Kahlua4me · 28/09/2018 13:17

Before you speak with her can you find an alternative? Perhaps suggest one of the others from the same website.

Hopefully then she will not see it as something else to be stressed about and may just let you all decide....

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stoplickingthetelly · 28/09/2018 13:18

And if these are the bridesmaid dresses what is the bride's like? Tell her you don't want to steal the show on her big day.

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Celestia26 · 28/09/2018 13:19

No way is this thread real!

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DisappearingGirl · 28/09/2018 13:21

Ah I think I am unusual in quite liking the dress, in an OTT sort of way! However that's not the point if all the bridesmaids hate it.

I would be fairly straightforward with your friend so it's clear you all want to change the plan - but without being too rude about the dress.

I would say you are all not keen because (as others have said):

they are a bit showy and you think the bride should be the focus of attention
they will take up too much room on pics
it would be difficult to wear them again for other occasions

I like the idea someone suggested that she chooses a theme/colour and you all choose your own dress. Maybe say you'll send her a link before buying so she can "okay" them? Good luck with the conversation!!

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 28/09/2018 13:21

‘Fess up.

What exactly have you done to her you neglected to mention here? This is clearly pay back on her side.

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Mulberry72 · 28/09/2018 13:21

That’s fucking hideous! Surely she’s winding you up?

I’m afraid I’d be backing out of being her bridesmaid. And she wants you to pay for the privilege of looking a twat too!

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SmashingInAthleticWear · 28/09/2018 13:23

OMG! Reminds me of the Beauty & The Beast episode of Don't Tell The Bride!

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Namechanger86745 · 28/09/2018 13:23

I’ll let you all know how the talk goes this evening. Definitely going to require lots of wine.

I’m mentally preparing myself that I may have to end up buying that dress

OP posts:

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Violetglace · 28/09/2018 13:25

Oh I hope it's a wind up! If not, show her the returns and cancellation policy - they won't refund a tailor made dress unless there are defects, and that dress will be tailor made as it's listed in dress sizes, not S, M, L.

I'd also be super wary of ordering anything from these Chinese sites! I work in supply chain and speak to Chinese factories every day, and no matter how cheap I'd never use them personally. They do not prioritise customer service, let's just leave it at that! I think you can gently point out the downsides to this dress mentioned on the thread and maybe suggest a shopping trip to look for inspiration?

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pasturesgreen · 28/09/2018 13:25

Quite apart from any other consideration, that website looks dodgy as fuck and has Chinese scam written all over.

I fear if you go ahead you may have parted with your £££ for not very much to show in exchange...

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noenergy · 28/09/2018 13:28

Agree that the dress is absolutely hideous.
I also thought that if u pay for the dress you get to choose it.

How come you have to tell her it's hideous? Would it not be better to have some of the other bridesmaids with u? At the end of the day they may back out and say that they didn't think it was a horrible dress.

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TakeMe2Insanity · 28/09/2018 13:28

Wtf!
Honestly show her the thread. It is awful.

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artemisdubois · 28/09/2018 13:31

I don't actually think a softly softly approach is the way to go here. The dress is so wrong in almost every possible way that you don't want her looking for just a slightly less bad alternative.

Bride needs to know that whilst OP and the other bridesmaids are looking forward to the wedding and being part of it, they won't be buying or wearing that dress. It's not a style they like the look of, and wouldn't be comfortable wearing it. That it's also extremely impractical, as the bridesmaids would be spending much of the day trying to shuffle around without knocking things over, trying to cram 6 giant dresses into photos, etc. That 6 giant, bright yellow dresses is going to be the focus of guest's attentions rather than her.

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Shadow1234 · 28/09/2018 13:32

I think the way most brides go about this, is that if they are
paying, then yes, you would be unreasonable to argue the
point, but if the bride is expecting you to pay, then you should
definitely have a say in the dress.

It's your hard earned money that is being spent here.

YANBU - and I would definitely have to say something. BUT,
I think you should confront her as a group, because the message
would come across a lot stronger and she may back down.

If its only you confronting her, she may think that you are
influencing the others not to like it. You all have to speak up
to get the message across.

Good luck!

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GU24Mum · 28/09/2018 13:32

or tell her that there are so many lovely colours the dress comes in that perhaps all 6 of you can pick your own colour for it!!!!

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Gersemi · 28/09/2018 13:32

I’m mentally preparing myself that I may have to end up buying that dress

Seriously, don't. The reviews demonstrate that it will be money straight down the drain and you will still have to buy something else. The bride really needs to know that her bridesmaids WILL walk if she insists on this.

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TatianaLarina · 28/09/2018 13:45

I’m mentally preparing myself that I may have to end up buying that dress

Get your big girl pants on, stand up to her and don’t be pathetic.

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pigsDOfly · 28/09/2018 13:45

From a more practical point of view.

If someone was actually making that dress there would be an awful lot of work involved in it. There's no way anyone could make it look like that for that price, even in China.

Definitely a scam.

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Want2beme · 28/09/2018 13:48

All 6 of you could do a great wedding theme flounce dance in those meringues.

I'd wear it just for the hell of it. But if you're set on telling her you'd all rather not, tell her the truth, that they're not appropriate they're hideous as bridesmaids dresses, and you'd all rather wear something more classic.

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BrightYellowDaffodil · 28/09/2018 13:58

Fuck me, that’s a bloody awful dress. And as if orange wasn’t bad enough, she wants this excrescence in YELLOW?

Do NOT buy that dress. Even if she weeps and wails, and says it’s been her childhood dream to have a cohort of bridesmaids dressed as banana-hued loo roll holders, stand firm! It is entirely unreasonable to ask anyone to dress themselves like that, never mind paying £144 (plus tax, shipping and goodness knows what else) for the, ahem, privilege.

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BrightYellowDaffodil · 28/09/2018 14:04

...you'd all rather wear something more classic

I’d rather wear a bin bag!

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Thehop · 28/09/2018 14:07

That’s absolutely horrendous.

She may just be trying to make herself look good by dressing you all as badly as possible.

Show her this thread?

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