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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DP and shaving legs

380 replies

LegHair · 27/09/2018 21:26

Am long time lurker and first time poster.

Was having a bath this evening, with DP sat in the bathroom chatting. Somehow ended up in a row about me not shaving my legs “because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

Haven’t shaved legs in some time, because quite frankly I have better things to do with my time and rarely wear shorts or dresses that show off my legs. Always shave on holiday or when wearing dresses etc.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

So mumsnet jury - who IBU?

OP posts:
ScarlettPimpernell123 · 29/09/2018 18:44

Blueink - how is someone asking their partner to shave their legs controlling? I'd think nothing of asking my DH to trim his beard or apply some moisturiser if I preferred it, and tbh he would do this without any hesitation as it's important to him that I feel attracted to him (and vice versa) I would have no hesitation shaving my legs (but they're always shaved anyway). I really don't get why some posters are completely over reacting to this

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/09/2018 18:56

I really don't get why some posters are completely over reacting to this

The only posters overreacting (and just acting appalling) are those calling women who decide not to shave their body hair vile, disgusting, dirty etc.

However, there is sexism and misogyny behind the beauty standard for women to have a hair-free body, and that's bound to incite strong opinions in some, as opposed to overreactions.

Yb23487643 · 29/09/2018 18:58

I would tell him to duck off. This would seriously make me question the relationship. Who on earth would expect u to change yourself or put you through discomfort to please them? I don’t like shaving or hair removal cos it’s itchy when it grows back or I grown hairs when waxing etc. You should only dehair if you want to. It’s no one else business. If they don’t like it they should do one.

MarcieBluebell · 29/09/2018 19:02

Unpopular opinion but ybu.

He likes smooth legs. So you could shave them. It really doesn't take that long. No you don't have to but relationships are about compromise. It's a pretty low maintenance thing to ask.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/09/2018 19:07

He likes smooth legs. So you could shave them

What if he liked breast implants? No short skirts? Skyscraper heels? Red hair? Women not to wear trousers?

Where does that line of reasoning end? Confused.

The OP doesn't WANT to. That's good enough.

MarcieBluebell · 29/09/2018 19:28

Where does that line of reasoning end? confused

We will never see the same pov because I see shaving as daily maintenance like having my hair clean and looking presentable.

If she doesn't want to fine. But I think we all do stuff every day we don't want to.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/09/2018 19:39

We will never see the same pov because I see shaving as daily maintenance like having my hair clean and looking presentable

How on earth do you know what my daily maintenance routine is? Confused.

If she doesn't want to fine. But I think we all do stuff every day we don't want to

Of course. Many are necessary evils. But that should never include changing an aspect of your appearance that you DON'T want to change to please someone else.

'No, I don't to,' seems to be the way forward here.

MarcieBluebell · 29/09/2018 19:45

How on earth do you know what my daily maintenance routine is? confused. I never said I did know huh. I was saying to me it's just maintenance not having a surgery or something.

CantankerousCamel · 29/09/2018 20:13

‘Maintenance’ of what??

I go to CrossFit every day to maintain my body, shaving my legs maintains precisely fuck all other then shaved legs

Strongmummy · 29/09/2018 20:20

@brexit, trust me shaving my legs takes effort 😂😂

MarcieBluebell · 29/09/2018 20:21

Maintenance’ of what??

I knew I'd get posters being angry at my opinion. I don't know why it's so controversial to think shaved legs is maintenence. But each to their own.

Strongmummy · 29/09/2018 20:21

@cantankerous - you really shouldn’t be doing CrossFit everyday. Your CF box should be having words with you misses point of thread

CantankerousCamel · 29/09/2018 20:27

I go four/five days a week... for an hour - which is a normal amount of CrossFit

reallyanotherone · 29/09/2018 21:01

He likes smooth legs. So you could shave them

If he likes smooth legs so much, why doesn’t he shave his own?

Which is my reply to dh whenever he gets ideas like me shaving my pubic hair or anal sex. Him first. 20 years later and I have not done either...

Thing is I am willing to bet very few men have seen or touched female unshaven legs. So how do they know what they prefer? Like i said upthread, fully grown legs are smooth and soft, much like mens Hmm. What most people complain about is the stubbly regrowth, which i agree is not that nice to touch.

Growing it long is the answer!

MarcieBluebell · 29/09/2018 21:13

Which is my reply to dh whenever he gets ideas like me shaving my pubic hair or anal sex.
Some men do shave off all their pubes (which I hate) and enjoy sex with a woman using a strapon. Of he did would you then do these things?

I've never got the you do it, I'll do it. If you don't want to don't. What if your dh shaved due to cycling. Would you then?

reallyanotherone · 29/09/2018 21:25

i’ve never got the you do it, I'll do it. If you don't want to don't. What if your dh shaved due to cycling. Would you then?

He has in the past. Up to him. If he wants to fine. Same as if i wanted to shave, I would.

I have a problem with him asking me to do things he is not prepared to do himself. He does it, i might consider it.

But there is no way on this planet most men will routinely keep their legs smooth shaven.

Bushellight · 29/09/2018 21:31

I got cross the other day because a man was called "brave" for having his legs waxed because it was "so painful".

I don't see any harm with someone asking their partner to do something they like. It's different if they expect them to do it though or make them feel bad for not doing it.

birdsdestiny · 29/09/2018 21:49

I am quite new to this feminism lark, I didn't realise being a feminist meant dh would 'drift away'! He obviously hasn't got the message, the fucker is still hanging around.

CantankerousCamel · 29/09/2018 22:02

My Nigel is still hanging around too, bird

You know what? I think he LIKES the matriarchal environment we have created!

Madness!

Jandbsmum · 29/09/2018 22:11

Not shaving my legs would be in the category of having let myself go. I like putting the effort in to look attractive and hairy legs certainly aren't!!

reallyanotherone · 29/09/2018 22:20

I like putting the effort in to look attractive and hairy legs certainly aren't!!

In your opinion.

Beauty is subjective. One persons idea of attractive may not be anothers.

smackbangwhollop · 29/09/2018 22:45

OP is this a new revelation or it has it always been this way? Maybe it depends on how old the relationship is. Saying that it's a red flag for the longevity of the relationship if it's something he feels so strongly about. So very funny in a way. But with men, sex and being sexually attractive is of unnecessarily high importance in some relationships. You may want someone with more depth if you want to grow old and grey with them.

Alice786 · 30/09/2018 00:02

Sorry i didn't mean to start a debate about feminism. I just meant these days it's all about why should we do this, why are certain things only expected of women which is all fair enough but if your partner likes something a certian way and it's not totally unreasonable and not too difficult then for their happiness you should try to do it and vice versa rather than arguing over a point. Everyone's different.

MadameFireweed · 30/09/2018 00:24

If you are OK with your sexual partner wanting you to look like a pre-pubescent child, then that's fine, I guess. Shave it all off. But please be clear about what is going on here. I would find it seriously disturbing, and would not want to be with that person.

MarcieBluebell · 30/09/2018 01:35

Alice. To me you can be a feminist and shave your legs because your husband finds it nicer.