AIBU - DP and shaving legs

[LegHair]

Am long time lurker and first time poster.

Was having a bath this evening, with DP sat in the bathroom chatting. Somehow ended up in a row about me not shaving my legs “because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

Haven’t shaved legs in some time, because quite frankly I have better things to do with my time and rarely wear shorts or dresses that show off my legs. Always shave on holiday or when wearing dresses etc.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

So mumsnet jury - who IBU?

I shave my legs about once a month in summer.
Never in winter.

I have full on yeti legs. My partner doesn't care

That's all it is. Outside of actions you need to do for basic hygiene - many of which are debatable anyway - everything else is just a clever way to make money.

Convince people there's something wrong with them or their current routine, then you can sell them a product to fix it!

I still can't believe we're falling for it. The same industry that convinced people to overpluck their eyebrows into 2 tiny lines in the 1990s is now convincing people they need thick brown Scousebrows and is flogging brow gel and mascara. The same industry that convinced people that powder brushes are out and you need to use a foam blender, convinced them eyeshadow foam applicators are bad and they need to use eye brushes!! Jesus wept.

And lots of people don't fall for it but you can't deny that lots do. Mainly vulnerable teenage girls that get influenced by YouTubers that are paid to market these products, and waste all their pocket money on this pointless shit.

Why do folks keep ignoring that the abuse is going both ways?

Because it doesn't seem to really be like that? I haven't actually read the comments where women who shave their legs are called vile, disgusting or similar.

And women calling other women names for shaving

What names?

radicalised, infantilised or your partner's a paedo if you do shave

Radicalisation and infantilisation appear to be points of discussion, not name calling. I haven't seen a post where someone's partner has been called a pedophile.

Another who doesn't shave legs in winter. No partner has ever noticed or commented.

I shave my underarms regularly, mainly to help with sweat and smell 😂🙈

Legs get done when I'm not pregnant and can actually reach, lol.
Hubby doesn't care about my legs, its me that likes them to be smooth.

Downstairs gets tidied up, both for hygiene reasons and DH prefers it.. I never shave it all off though, I don't like the itchy regrowth. Lol.

Bluntness

How is ‘nobody is blaming you’ someone blaming you?

Radical action would be NOT to shave, shaving isn’t radical at all, it’s doing what society expects of you.

I think a fundamental difference of literary ability is the problem here as your PP makes it quite clear you’ve not much clue what I’m talking about.

Again.

Society expects women to be youthful, to the point of prepubescent, there is NO other reason why smooth skin is preferable in today’s society over normal, adult human body hair.

You can easily see this as men are not expected to be shaven completely, this is a requirement placed upon women which is not only time consuming, but also concerning in origin.

Women’s beauty practice continues on this theme; anti wrinkle creams/surgeries, why? Why aren’t wrinkles attractive? Signs of life? Elements of beauty?

Same for smooth skin, pert breasts, less body fat, grey hair. The boundaries are wider for men because they aren’t expected to look young to be handsome or to fit in to societal norms.

On the subject of youth - I read an article saying that blusher and mascara are designed to make the eyes look wide and cheeks pink - which are traits of young prepubescent girls. There is an obsession with youthfulness - that's why botox and facelifts exist after all, as well as dying grey hair. Women are seen as unnattractive and infertile if they show signs of aging, while men are "silver foxes" and more respected. Men generally like dating younger women and a pensioner man with a 20yo model girlfriend is not looked upon as weirdly as the other way round.

Disturbing and food for thought.

why don't men shave their armpits?

Probably because women don't have that significant a preference for it, or at least they are not being that vocal about it if they do?

ermm- go back and read the thread.

Women. Being vocal about their dislike for leg hair, armpit hair, pubic hair. Being vocal about how it’s cleaner and more hygienic to shave. Being vocal about how they prefer it.

But only on women. Funny that. Hairy armpits on men is none of the above, for some reason.

I really don't give a shit how DH looks, so there's no way he's dictating to me how I should look.

Yolo

Exactly. I would think most couples could evaluate the ideals that have become customary to them and to actually assess what has provoked those expectations and preferences in the opposite sex.

I proudly display my body hair, I couldn’t give a FUCK if people don’t like it. I am proud of my body for many reasons, being hairless and ‘youthful’ is not part of that. I wrote a song for my husband once about the lines on his face and how beautiful they are to me, memories of our years together. I hope he feels the same about my changing body, despite society telling him that he shouldn’t.

You can't take out choice, we have experienced both, we can make our own minds up, if we chose to do something it's because we like the result of it

No, it isn’t.

Women on here admit the shave their legs for fear of judgement. Fear of being called vile and disgusting.

Read through many threads on here and the general opinions that not keeping up with countless beauty regimes and using make up is lazy, letting yourself go, not making an effort.

Peer pressure is hugely accountable for nearly every decision we make.

What else explains the fucking awful trend for slug eyebrows? I can’t believe anyone looks in the mirror and thinks it improves their face. They do it because their mates tell them they’re on fleek or whatever.

But only on women. Funny that. Hairy armpits on men is none of the above, for some reason.

I literally said I don't like it SPECIFICALLY on men because they sweat/smell more and their armpit hair is like 10cms long whereas womens isn't. So you're being disingenuous.

What else explains the fucking awful trend for slug eyebrows? I can’t believe anyone looks in the mirror and thinks it improves their face. They do it because their mates tell them they’re on fleek or whatever.

100%

Choice == agency

I literally said I don't like it SPECIFICALLY on men because they sweat/smell more and their armpit hair is like 10cms long whereas womens isn't. So you're being disingenuous

Womens armpit hair will grow that long if not shaved. Some men sweat/smell more, just as some women do.

reallyanotherone ermm- go back and read the thread.

This is one thread on one messageboard. You need way more than that to create an overall zeitgeisty "background noise" that is likely to penetrate the consciousness of your average man in the street and inform hos own genertal grooming.

There is such a background noise about preferences for hairless various female parts.

Sorry for typos.

"...and inform his own general grooming."

I agree with your OH.

Mine doesn’t even notice!
And there is nothing disgusting about having body hair.
Everyone who thinks it’s wrong can fuck off.

I don't know how shaving my legs equals I'm agreeing to be infantilised, my legs aren't normally particularly hairy to start with. My baby definitely has more hair on her legs then I do on mine Before shaving. 😂

In fact I've seen lots of babies, toddlers, and children that have hairy legs, arms, and even backs.

Bluntness, people really are that stupid. Why else would almost nobody depilating their pubic hair 30 years ago change to it becoming ubiquitous? Why would men wax when 30 years ago their mates would have endlessly have taken the piss out of a back, sack and crack?

It's partly the beauty industry and partly the much more widespread use of porn. When all the porn most men looked at was top shelf magazines almost all the women featured had full bushes.

In fact I've seen lots of babies, toddlers, and children that have hairy legs, arms, and even backs

I was in our local park and overheard a group of 9-10 year old girls talking about a toddler (still in nappies)

The wee girl was asian decent and had a patch of long dark hair in the small of her back.

These 9 year olds were saying it was “nasty”. A couple of them said their mums waxed similar hair growth for them, plus arms and legs. The others agreed that the toddler’s mum should “sort it out”.

Grim. Do we really think those 9 year olds came up witg the idea body hair is nasty completely by themselves, and made a free choice to wax their own?

Personally I do wax/shave in order to conform however it is a worrying trend and it is very much porn young girl image. Do we really want to be perpetuating that?

Disgust is a very powerful, stigmatising social weapon, when used about something that is not actually dangerous/unhygienic. Hairy legs is not unhealthy in any way. In fact, constant shaving of hair, particularly pubic hair is not hygienic and raises the risk of infections etc.

So anyone saying that hair is vile/disgusting is putting down women and being misogynistic.

OP honestly I haven’t met a horny man yet who was put off sex so easily. A bit of leg hair isn’t going to keep a good man away!