AIBU - DP and shaving legs

[LegHair]

Am long time lurker and first time poster.

Was having a bath this evening, with DP sat in the bathroom chatting. Somehow ended up in a row about me not shaving my legs “because you know I like it and we should make the effort for each other”.

Haven’t shaved legs in some time, because quite frankly I have better things to do with my time and rarely wear shorts or dresses that show off my legs. Always shave on holiday or when wearing dresses etc.

My point is that I want to be made to feel sexy and loved no matter what I choose to do with my body which is how I try to be with DP in the relationship.

So mumsnet jury - who IBU?

It's always the same on these threads. The same about make up, high heels, or dying your hair. If you do these things you are some form of brain washed fool, and the hirsute unmade up greying ladies in flat shoes are superior and can see through societies sexist norms. Or if you don't do these things you're some form of disgusting yeti type creature.

Seriously, whatever you need to tell yourself to get you through the day. But the judgement has to stop, on both sides, our bodies our choices. If we wish to shave we will, if we don't we won't. No one is allowing themselves to be infantilised, no one is gross. Same with make up, or hair dye, or high heels. We will do what we choose.

Will there ever be a time when women don't judge and attack each other for their appearance choices? It seems not. And let's be clear here. This thread is women attacking women for their appearance choices. And yes it's on both sides, let's not pretend otherwise.

the reason why we need to debate this and not just accept that we each choose, is because the next generation of girls are growing up with the attitude many have voiced on here , that body hair is disgusting. My 15 year old shaves daily and my 12 year old has started too. This is purely peer pressure/media etc as I rarely shave at all. Maybe for a wedding or special occasion but normally I have hairy legs and armpits and I beg them to just be natural, particularly through the winter but to no avail. They think body hair is disgusting....I despair. I am actually really shocked to read on here , adult women stating that that body hair is vile. REALLY?

I would be interested to know how "body hair is vile" people would cope if they couldn't remove their hair
I have a condition that causes severe abscesses in my armpits, and hair removal isn't great for it. One armpit has a large scar which means it's now difficult to shave it anyway. Waxing is strongly not recommended
I'm not unclean or unhygienic, I just would rather do anything to prevent the abscesses. In fact I'm probably cleaner as I have to use hibiscrub or dettol soap to wash!

I find it interesting that it seems more acceptable to ask men to wax their backs, to not grow a beard, have stubble, don't wear Jesus sandals with socks etc but when men share preferences they are wrong to do so.

I don't like shaving, I only shave because society expects me too and when I did have very hairy armpits I felt very self-conscious. I totally understand that there are double standards around men and women shaving. I pretty much always have stubble though and go weeks and weeks without shaving my legs but in the end I feel self-conscious.

I am not attracted to clean-shaven men at all. My husband knows that on the odd occasion he shaves it all off to re-grow I don't like it. Is it wrong of me to tell him my preference? Is it wrong when I tell him I prefer his hair a bit longer on top?

I wonder if It is because some women get so sick of society telling them what they should and shouldn't do with their bodies that when men they love share preferences it just seems like another pressure? I am just thinking out loud really. No one seems to bat an eyelid at women telling men not to grow facial hair.

To the posters equating a man not shaving his face with a woman not shaving her legs.

You should be equating it with a woman not getting her lip and chin hair waxed which i do do. Only £12.50

And let's be clear here. This thread is women attacking women for their appearance choices. And yes it's on both sides, let's not pretend otherwise

I have responded to this upthread. Women who choose not to shave are being called vile, disgusting, dirty, unhygienic, unattractive, etc. etc. The name calling goes one way only.

No one is attacking women who want to shave. What is under attack is the societal expectation that they should do so and the underlying misogyny behind that.

" The same about make up, high heels, or dying your hair. If you do these things you are some form of brain washed fool, and the hirsute unmade up greying ladies in flat shoes"

Bluntness i wear make up. Why are you assuming that if women dont do one thing that they also dont do the other. You really do see groups of women as one big homogenous mass dont you.

And i have been known to rock a high heeled boot in the winter.

And heres some more shocking news for you Bluntness I wear perfume too. Charlie Red at the moment.

And sometimes a body mist too.

That does seem to be the case.

In response to BetteDaviseyes.

Bluntness can you link to any posts where us non shavers are name calling.

Because thats what i usually do when i see something I put a link in quotation marks and write my post underneath.

Which my posting history shows.

Well I suppose I'm a hirsute unmade up greying lady in flat shoes - though the hirsute bit makes me sound like a circus freak.

The odd thing though is that on such occasions as it seems necessary - mainly dances that I go to - men seem quite happy to be partnered up with me.

I'm not hugely focused on fashion and my appearance but I don't think I look noticeably worse than somebody who religiously dyes their hair, wears lippy and foundation. Just different. And I'd always imagined that when people - of either sex - like me, that they like me because I'm good company rather than because of minute details relating to how I choose to present myself to the world.

I shave or epilate mine because I like the smooth feel. My DH prefers smooth but isn't turned off by them hairy.

I shave at least once a week as I don't want the hairs poking through my woolly tights at work!

I don't think it's an anti-feminist thing to shave. My dh shaves his armpits, face and sometimes um other places. You don't see many men with underarm hair nowadays!

I have had a frank discussion with DP this morning (using some examples from this thread) who really got it and ended up telling me not to shave. I also was able to see things from DP’s view a little more and may be tempted to shave a little bit more often!
Great result!

You can't expect someone to find you sexy just because they love you, that's not how attraction works for many people
Exactly. I can find someone very sexy without loving them and can love them without finding them sexy. The 2 aren't necessarily linked, for me anyway.

He may be being unreasonable but to be fair, it takes all of about 4 minutes to shave both legs. Why not just do it once a week if it makes him happy?

I’m being honest here, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman with hairy legs, so it’s interesting that so many on here don’t shave! Where are you all?

I do think shaving your legs is fairly basic tbh OP, but fair enough if you really don’t want to of course. I do think it’s only realistic that men are not going to be particularly attracted to body hair on women! No use pretending otherwise really, is there? Most women have internalised this, or maybe they shave for themselves? The truth is, how many of us can tell the difference any more? There are so many things we do based on societal expectations.

When I got everything lasered, the legs were for me (convenience and I hate the feel of hairy legs). The pubic area was probably more for DH tbh, but, at the same time, I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to and he didn’t ask me to do anything. It’s personal preference at the end if the day, like clothes, hair colouring, teeth, botox or anything else.

I do think it’s only realistic that men are not going to be particularly attracted to body hair on women! No use pretending otherwise really, is there?

Men who don't mind body hair aren't lying, you know. They might be in the minority, but thankfully, some of them do exist...

The truth is, how many of us can tell the difference any more? There are so many things we do based on societal expectations

I agree, but we've got to start unpicking the misogynistic shit somewhere, otherwise we're doing an enormous disservice to the next generation of young people.

I do think it’s only realistic that men are not going to be particularly attracted to body hair on women! No use pretending otherwise really, is there?

I do think it’s only realistic that WOMEN are not going to be particularly attracted to body hair on men! No use pretending otherwise really, is there?

I like high heels, I do shave, I like a tight dress, but I’m not fooling myself, men have not got the same expectations. Which is why fat middle aged men come onto women half their age.

I’m being honest here, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman with hairy legs, so it’s interesting that so many on here don’t shave! Where are you all?

Leg hair actually isn't all that noticeable on many women!

I shave my legs if I'm going out in public, but as I say, I don't bother through winter. You'd have to be up pretty close to my legs to realise.

Here are a few things I 'choose' to do because I like them: shave my legs (actually, I don't like this, it's a chore, but I prefer to go out in public with shaved legs), wear make-up, wear high heels, blow dry my hair (this is a massive chore, but I prefer the way it looks).

I ostensibly choose all these things, but I don't think there's anything to be gained from denying the context or conditioning that surrounds those choices.

We're humans with free will, but we're also very susceptible to messaging, implicit pressure, social norms and expectations, the whims of fashion, etc.

None of us are immune to these things.

I get my legs out. You’re welcome to come have a look.

It’s rare I need to in this country though, I usually wear long linen trousers in the summer. I do, however get my armpits out daily at the gym and get some looks but nothing too much.

I have to admit to being diligent about being extra clean as I want to break stereotypes

I go swimming every couple of days.
That's the main time my legs are on display.
I rarely think about it tbh.

Is it okay to demand your partner shaves his face? Many on here think so, not so sure what the difference is (btw neither me nor dp have made any demands of each other regarding body hair).

I ask my husband not to have thick stubble on his face, because it’s grating. But the only people making demands on him about how shaved he is, are his workplace

How can period shave their legs daily? I'm getting a rash just thinking about it.

*people