To think some people on MN must have magic money trees?

[CoughLaughFart]

Am I the only thinking there are an awful lot of MNers who have no concept of others being less well off than they are? I’ve noticed a few times, but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

Two threads that spring to mind are the passport thread (where the OP’s partner is being pressured to get one so that he can volunteer for a work trip) and the holiday fall-out thread.

TBF most people on the passport thread seem to get that spending £75 on a new passport when you can’t afford to go abroad isn’t very sensible. However, there are quite a few posts along the lines of ‘Just get one, it’s not that expensive’ - even someone saying the OP’s partner should just ‘grow up’ and buy one and ‘that’s what savings are for’. Similarly, on the holiday thread a number of people are advising ‘Book the first flight out’ or ‘find different accommodation’, without a thought that holidays are generally expensive anyway and that effectively booking a second one might be beyond some people’s means.

These are specific current threads, but it seems to be a general attitude in some corners. ‘Get a cleaner’. ‘Get some nice wine and chill in the garden’ (to someone depressed because they’re skint and live in a rough area).

I’m grateful to be in a decent enough position financially, but I’d never simply assume anyone else was. Don’t people at least consider the potential for different circumstances before offering their ‘helpful’ advice?

Until employers and the govt actually enable the sick and disabled to work in a way that is compatible with their conditions, there will continue to be vast swathes of sick/disabled not working or only working part time when they could be doing so much more.

When I found that I could no longer carry out my job due to my disability I literally begged my employer to find an alternate role for me. I said I would have done anything (I would have). In an organisation of 250, there was no alternative position available. I took ill health retirement instead.

Funnily enough, when my support worker was made redundant following me leaving, there were alternate roles avilable....

No one is going to employ me. I’m realistic. Other than my (taxpayer funded) employer pension, my only hope of an income is through disability benefits.

I’m Public Enemy no.1 on MN. I can either be financially dependent on my husband which means I am a parasite, leech, causing unnecessary stress on my husband or causing him to have an affair (yes, I can name usernames here) and putting the cause of feminism back 50 years by not being financially independent, or I can claim disability benefits and be a leech to the taxpayer.

I have found myself no longer giving a shiny shite what other MNers think. It’s very liberating.

SwwetSummer what people type on here and what is reality are two different things so I'm happy you no longer care and sorry about your job loss

Why can’t people feel they have control over changing their lives for the better?

Because they are a lot more intelligent than you think they are, Sb

I am still waiting to be told where we can find the magic wand that allows people with no support network and no spare money at the end of the week to go off to college or uni while looking after the kids alone and working.
I presume all those who have done this live in an area where its possible to hop on a bus to college or thier wage actually allows them the funds to spend £15 a day driving to college several times a week?

Nobody is putting barriers in the way for fun. Its just not that simple if you dont live in a city with easy access to further education or jobs that dont have 200 applicants for each one. Most people dont want to be on zero contracts or part time with no hope of overtime. Last week i looked online at jobs again
The only one of them even remotely suitable was for 8 hrs a week! Wtf use is that to anyone that has a family to support? And no it wasnt flexi time so wouldnt fit around my present job.

If you check online sites for job alerts the first half dozen are for avon or mlm jobs. I have email alerts for jobs in my area. What a freaking joke. "London airport is advertising in xxx (a local village with one pub and 20 houses)" " whsmith is hiring in xxx (even smaller place)" no they arent if you go on the website its for a part time job in Manchester!! I spend hours trawling through these supposed jobs for nothing.
You can apply for every job in the list but you are lucky if they even say sorry no thanks.

But hey ho its my fault i cant get a 'better' job in my area.

PortiaCastis thank you. Accepting that I was at the ‘end of the line’ career-wise at the age of 42 was hard. I can honestly say that I am now genuinely happy. My income is very modest, but for the first time in my adult life my time and my self-worth are not dictated or defined by my job.

I do find that MN is very full of posters who love to flaunt their perfect lives and perfect life choices in front of others.

On the day SATs results come out the education boards will be full of people posting “DD got 119, 119, 120 is that ok?” Such an obviously involved parent is bound to know what the scores mean, but is just looking for the “oooh that’s fantastic”.

Then there are the ‘smug’ BFers who just can’t understand why anyone would not persist with it.

Then there are the ‘smug’ co-sleepers who can’t understand why anyone would put their babies in a cot or (shudders at the though) in their own room.

There are the smug ‘no electronics’ parents who are oh-so-proud of the fact that their darling DCs are happy to sit in a fine dining restaurant for four hours straight with crayolas and a jigsaw, while the chavvy parents next to them dumped iPads in front of their kids.

Personally, I think any smugness is a sign of insecurity.

The thing is I could be a dick and say getting a job is easy,getting a job in a school is even easier,because it was for me. It was pure,dumb,sheer luck.
I applied at the right time,at the right school and for whatever reason (some days i still think i was the only one that applied) they hired me. Yes it pays peanuts,but i have minimal childcare costs, school holidays off and an understanding employer when DD is sick,her school is shut etc. That is even luckier. The fact that they agreed to let me leave early so I don't need afterschool care is even luckier. The fact that it's 5 minutes away from DD's school so I can always get there for pickup,sneak out on special days to see her,be there in minutes if she has been ill...it's freaking unbelievably lucky.

Put them all together and it's a one in million chance of getting it right, a high wage as well would make it unrealistic .

But I recognise I was lucky and that I was privileged in a way for having "insider"knowledge of where to look for the job ,being educated enough to write the application letter, I know my maths and English so easily passed the test, I had internet and a laptop to do my research,update my CV and write my application ,to get two great references from volunteering and most importantly to be able to afford a job that is fairly low paid with no fear of sanctions,benefit cuts etc.

I saw a friend today , working mum / single
Mum in social housing . She works FT but in a fairly low paid (bit skilled) council role . She manages but money’s tight . I could have asked her actually (why not go for s more senior better paid job) - and yet I didn’t and I wonder why I didn’t . I’ll sound her out .

My guess it’s lack of confidence , fear of change but also private sector roles (which pay way more) are less secure . As a
Single mother a long held public sector role offers security - which is thin on the ground

School tend to not do mass redundancies

Business and corporates do . All the fuxking time

Sweet summer I would not dream of judging you . I am Sorry for nasty voices on here . They don’t represent everyone .

My dad always says “you make your own luck”. Well that’s fucking rich coming from the man who had three daughters who all ‘lucked out’ and got the 1 chance in 4 combination of two pairs of shitty genes for a recessive genetic condition.

RebelRogue well done on your job. IMHO, recognising that success is part down to ‘luck’ does not mean you shouldn’t be proud of it. The mistake that some make is thinking that luck is all self-created and the lack of it is deserved.

I am proud,and I do work hard and it turns out I'm actually really good at it. But without luck..I wouldn't have been in a position to know that or be able to prove it.

But how much of a twat would I be to go round threads shouting at people that struggle "just get a job in a school! It's there if you want to! What do you mean you cant? Everyone can, I did. It's piss easy,come on admit you just don't want to work and better yourself".

I don't think many of us who think most people (not all) have what I call "agency" to effect change in their lives think everyone can make lots of changes and the clearly bright women above who have disabilities and the like have been dealt a tough hand. That does not mean it is wise to each our daughters they cannot change their lives, cannot make wise choices, cannot have a massive hand in how things turn out - they can and if we tell them otherwise I think that's very sad.

My own job is basically typing from home. In fact I've chosen to give up all foreign work trips as I don't like them. So anyone with agrophobia would find my work the absolute ideal. However not all would have passed the exams etc as a teenager etc to be able to do it but can perhaps ensure their children do so they are never in the same position.

The regional point mentioned above is important too. We seem to have so many vacancies around here now - I'[ve not seen anything like it since I trhink as far bas as the 1960s - it is a massive sea change afte rthe 1970s crash, all those huge numbers of applications I had to make in the early 80s for first job, 90s crash, the credit crunch and all the rest. I have never seen so many local job ads, even cards are coming through the door now. Yet that won't be the same in say Sunderland where my mother's 52 first cousins live unless I suppose it's work you can do behind a computer. i could do my work as easily from Sunderland as here as I just type.

Unfortunately it easy to get sucked into "first world problems" and not truly realise what being skint is. I think most of the time we don't even imagine how LUCKY we are (was so close to use blessed, I managed to stop).

I posted about being skint
I'm just above the threshold for free school meals but debt and ltb has left me in a very crap financial situation with 3 children. I asked for advice and on how to better things and was told that it doesn't add up that I was skint. I don't know how they worked that out as I didn't put amounts.

I also posted about cheap things to do during the holidays as I live in a flat with no garden. I got alot of advice about letting them play in the garden. So I've just come to take it that some people just don't read the posts at all.

Those that want to will.

Are you serious, @Sb74? So those living on benefits or on the breadline don't want to? This is so typical of right wing mentality, no conception of the privilege of good mental and physical health, intelligence and supportive families.

I hope most mumsnetters do n't assume everyone has a garden! Plenty of even rich people live in flats these days and gardens are definitely not assumed whatever your wealth. Some people are just insensitive. However that doesn't mean there isn't a place for trying to help others.

Plenty of people, rich and poor, live in flats. As someone who grew up in a family obsessed with gardens, I found it incredibly enlightening to bring my DC up in a flat (no stairs! a lift!) and to take them to play in public parks full of other children, swings, slides etc. Their childhood was much more fun than mine - not having a garden can be very liberating.

Ha there are two million pound houses just built next to my parents and neither have gardens. Gardens seem to not be nevessary anymore.

I dont have a garden we still spend loads of time outdoors

They may struggle to sell. People do tend to want some out outdoor space, be it a terrace or patio or big balcony. Maybe not a garden though but definitely something.