To think some people on MN must have magic money trees?

[CoughLaughFart]

Am I the only thinking there are an awful lot of MNers who have no concept of others being less well off than they are? I’ve noticed a few times, but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

Two threads that spring to mind are the passport thread (where the OP’s partner is being pressured to get one so that he can volunteer for a work trip) and the holiday fall-out thread.

TBF most people on the passport thread seem to get that spending £75 on a new passport when you can’t afford to go abroad isn’t very sensible. However, there are quite a few posts along the lines of ‘Just get one, it’s not that expensive’ - even someone saying the OP’s partner should just ‘grow up’ and buy one and ‘that’s what savings are for’. Similarly, on the holiday thread a number of people are advising ‘Book the first flight out’ or ‘find different accommodation’, without a thought that holidays are generally expensive anyway and that effectively booking a second one might be beyond some people’s means.

These are specific current threads, but it seems to be a general attitude in some corners. ‘Get a cleaner’. ‘Get some nice wine and chill in the garden’ (to someone depressed because they’re skint and live in a rough area).

I’m grateful to be in a decent enough position financially, but I’d never simply assume anyone else was. Don’t people at least consider the potential for different circumstances before offering their ‘helpful’ advice?

@anniehm, I recognise that post, from another thread.

A lot of us will have had periods of both plenty and poverty.
I grew up poor in a time of no tax credits or free child care hours. I remember being left outside houses whilst my mum went in to clean.
Things changed as I grew older, married and had my own family. No where near the figures quoted on some of the threads on here but we did ok and managed fine. We would have muddled along in this fashion into our old age but then my husband died. He was the main earner and the holder of the pension pot.
I get a fraction of his pension and widows benefit is long gone. The widows allowance isn’t even enough to have covered his funeral costs.
I would have been up the creak without a paddle but for two things.
The mortgage was paid off so I have no housing costs ( I live in the SE so nothing is cheap)
And we had life insurance. Not a massive amount as it was taken out years ago and we never thought to increase it in line with the cost of living but enough that I can pay my bills.
I was in the lucky position I could afford life insurance but many can’t and others just don’t think about it.
Very rarely is life a straight road. We go up hills and down again and we turn corners that we never think we will have to.

Your donating computers, doesn't mean that those problems don't still exist. You stated they were OK for basic use, I pointed out that people using libraries need them to be more useful than that. Primarily a software issue I believe, but dependent on the hardware being able to support the software.

Q: "Have you never heard of illness, disability, dv, partners leaving you with sfa, being made redundant?"

Neshoma: Yes and some of those go on to higher education or university, gain better employment etc

Too funny...

Graphista; To repeat, no one helped me. I just worked damn hard to look after myself and earn qualifications. I now now qualified to masters degree from my efforts. I started off as an office junior at 16 on £3000 a year 26 years ago and now earn, well I won’t say but a very good salary with company car etc Plus forgot to mention I’ve suffered chronic severe migraines and painful endometriosis for over 20 years. Yet I still managed to sort my life out. Those that want to will. I’ve been through so much in my life and come out on top that I really don’t ltake excuses from people. It takes effort, determination, tenacity, desire and a lot of hard work if you’re up against it and want a better life but some people won’t want to do that. I understand some people can’t do it but for those who can, don’t moan that you don’t have a lot if you’ve not tried to make your life better. Because it is very possible to do so.

.. been made redundant too, seen and done it all. Yet still rising.

Let’s be honest, most people have phones. They’re affordable to most people. You can look for jobs on there!!anyway. I’ve said my piece. Good luck everyone. Bye.

@ElspethFlashman

Whenever someone humble brags on MN "... I'm lucky in that DH has a good salary," I wonder if they're married to an actual MP, cos "good" on MN seems to be 100,000+.

Which, as someone will tell you within 3 posts, "doesn't actually go far in London".

Yeah, this makes me laugh - a LOT - when women on here casually claim their husbands earn £150K, (and they are on a much lower salary - £99k.) LOL! I don't know anyone in real life who earns that. Probably not even half that!!!

And before anyone says 'how do you know what the people you know earn?;' I am not stupid, and I know what a certain job or career pays. As a pp said, unless they are famous (like a footballer, or a model, or an actor/actress, or a rock star,) very few people will be on 6 figures. And it baffles me that so many women on here claim that they - and their husband ARE on 6 figures, and if you are not, well.... maybe you should have tried harder at school!

@AamdC

I remember one thread about people having a "running away " secret stash of money , one poster suggested we should all be saving £200 /month as though its that easy ! For me £200 is a large part of our monthly budget.

Oh yeah, this is a hilarious one. It's right up there with the 'get a cleaner,' and 'take in some ironing.'

Also what pisses me off, is the way some mumsnetters look down on people who don't cook from scratch, like they are lazy and bone idle and unmotivated, coz they can't be arsed to do it all themselves from the original ingredients every time they make a meal!

These same women will then come on to another thread, and boast about having a cleaner and a gardener. So people who buy ready meals, and take aways, and make sandwiches, and salads, and beans on toast etc, are 'lazy and unmotivated,' but it's OK for them to pay someone to clean their house, do their washing and ironing, and do their garden for them.

I rarely cook from scratch (not a very good cook/can't be arsed to do it,) but I have never had a cleaner in my life, and do almost everything in the house; cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping etc, and I also do around 90% of the gardening, which is time-consuming and it's also a skill to be able to create a lovely garden. I also make my own greetings cards, and other 'craft' things. Yet because I don't 'cook from scratch' most of the time, I am classed (by some) as lazy and unmotivated.

Also, like a poster said earlier, these property buying programmes baffle me 'oh we are looking to buy in Berkshire, and our budget is £600K. At a push, we could go to £650K!' They speak of bumping it up by £50K like it's fifty quid!

(Often though, as the programme progresses, it emerges that one of them has had a big inheritance, or they made £350K on a London property that one - or both - of them bought some years ago.)

Oh yeah, and 'you are just a little spring chicken at 54, of COURSE you can start your life over, retrain for a new career, and find a new partner at that age. Employers are crying out for post grads who are almost 60, and there are 1000's of men who are looking for women in their late 50's.'

And my personal favourite on here... 'Of COURSE 45 isn't too late to have your first child; LOADS of women I know have their first at 46, even 50! You will be a wonderful mum, and it will be a great experience. What could possibly go wrong?!'

Oh and the posters who assume EVERYONE has someone to look after their kid for the night or weekend whilst they get a break.

@AynRandTheObjectivist

To be fair, I think a lot of posters on MN are simply full of shit. The obsession with class markers and being "common" is not the sign of a forum full of duchesses and countesses. Actual posh people don't tend to give a shit. They don't need to.

Amen to this! I know a few very posh and very rich folk, and you would not know that ANY of them were. They often dress in old scruffy clothes (mucking out the horses, or tootling around their land,) they drive old beat up cars, and they never ever EVER talk about money. The more people blather on about it, and just HAVE to tell you about their income, their 'fancy' holidays, and their 'wealth,' the more likely they are to be people on OK incomes who are desperate to be rich, and DESPERATE to present themselves as upper class.

Also, anyone who IS upper class, doesn't say they are. If you have to tell someone you ARE upper class, or you ARE middle class, then you're not; that's just you wishing you were, and trying to convince everyone else that you are.

Considerably richer than yow

wow user you have a real chip on your shoulder.

Omg what if bunch of wingers. You should be grateful for those earning lots of money and paying a lot in income tax towards the benefit system.

Pot and kettle luvvie

Fed up of hearing negative views. Is this what our country is full of?? Bitter people.

Probably not but there are a lot of poor people.

Sb in a nutshell...

I’m not winging and bitching about people better off than me. So not really Porta.

I’m not winging and bitching about people better off than me.

You are making the assumption that everyone making the point is worse off. I'd put money on the fact there are plenty who aren't badly off at all but still see the issue of people being willfully blind to poverty and what poverty means in practice.

I posted once as a sahm I couldn't figure out how I could afford to work as 3 primary school age children before/after school care was £1200 a month and that's not incl holidays. The sheer volume of posters that came on declaring my husband should help. They just couldn't understand that my husband is the main earner and so if he dropped hours to do childcare we would struggle, but anyway his job is high ranking emergency services (high ranking doesn't mean high salary unfortunately) and it's 24 hour shift work and unpredictable. He may be due to finish at 1pm so could collect kids at 3pm, and then something happens and he may not finish till 5pm, or 9pm or not at all (and late finishes happen almost weekly) and then what would I do? I have no family to help.

But that aside how do I afford to pay the first months childcare in the first place before I'm paid, we couldn't afford that out of my husband's monthly wage.

People just couldn't understand that just go and get a job isn't always financially possible when money is tight, you have no family help and DH is in a role with little to no flexibility.....But that job will set us up for a very comfortable retirement. I had to leave work as my job made my role redundant, and the part time role they put me into didn't cover even a months worth of childcare for 1 baby I had at the time. Conversely being home meant I was able to be blessed with my other 2 children as childcare wasn't an issue. But after 7 years out of work I can't walk into a job paying the £30k I'd need to cover childcare and travel costs no matter how well educated I am.

My friends in real life are like this. Born into wealth and never expect to be anything but wealthy. When me and DH were broke with two young kids they made suggestions such as ' go out to the theatre, go out for a meal, go out to the cinema' even though I had just told them that I was permanently hungry as I was going without meals to have enough to feed the kids. Really pissed me off. Obviously a night out at the theatre/ restaurant was as basic a life necessity to them as a loaf of bread is to other people, and they just couldn't comprehend not being able to afford it!

PMSL @codependencycoyote! There are plenty of mumsnetters who are like that Harry Enfield spoof couple up there. ^

Just HAVE to tell you about their 'wealth.'

There are a few of them on this thread.

I am considerably richer than YOW! PMSL!

But is that their fault?? No. If they’ve not experienced being poor why should you fully understand it? If they didn’t ask you to join you’d moan about that too. I feel very sorry for people in poverty but don’t have a go at people trying to be nice and help that don’t understand how hard it is for you.

Oh FFS @sb74

No-one is slagging off people 'richer' than them, some of the nicest people I know are rich and posh. We are slagging off the ones who exaggerate their wealth to try and impress people, boast about their exotic holidays, and shout about their £150K salary, (that they supposedly earn) and accuse people who are poor of not trying harder at school, or tell them to retrain for another career.

Then they tell the financially poor, single mums struggling to cope, (and poor families too,) to get a cleaner, or 'work more hours,' or 'take in some ironing.' They say that life is what you make it, and refuse to believe that anyone struggles to feed their kids, top up the electric meter, and pay their bills.

Whilst lots of mumsnetters are lovely people, there are some incredibly ignorant and clueless people on here. If everything they say is true, and they actually believe the 'advice' they're dishing out, then God help them if their life turns to shit, and they find themselves poor. And it could happen. It's happened to many people. So be careful what you say, in that gilded cage up there, looking down your nose at people less fortunate than you.