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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that if your thread is about a feminist issue you should post on the feminist board

344 replies

Shallishanti123 · 27/09/2018 12:52

Just that really. Too many feminist board type threads disguised as AIBUs, but really wanting to bash trans or whoever they feel like hating on right now.

Let’s just all be who we are and lead a happy life.

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RepealtheGRA · 27/09/2018 13:54

Google Stefonknee Wolscht. This person has been consulted by the Canadian government. Let that sink in.

TeaEnjoyingRadiantFeminist · 27/09/2018 13:55

Op the problem is the people that are pushing this TRA agenda aren't the transpeople that just want to get on with their lives.

They're people who literally get off on invading women's spaces. So yes, it matters to me that I can be undressed in a changing room and a predator can say 'I identify as a woman, let me in' and in they come.

That person might be trans (because some transpeople are predators) or they might not be (because obviously not all trans people are predators, no one is saying that). They might just be a bloke that fancied spying on some vulnerable women or wanted to make them part of his kink. But the way things are going there is literally no way for us to know who is who until they are already committing a crime against you. I'm not willing to be the victim of a crime to protect someone's feelings. I'm just not.

Feminists are angry because this is so, so dangerous. Gender non-confirming children are literally being told that they must be the other sex and pushed to take hormone blockers, denying them the opportunity to go through a proper puberty and all of the maturation and brain development that comes with it, just because they don't fit in with the right 'gender' box. Access to mental health services for these children is sorely lacking because medicating them and not trying to understand the root cause of their dysphoria is approved practice. How is that understanding or accepting or inclusive of diversity?

It is so important to understand that trans doesn't mean what it used to. The people pushing this agenda are physically violent, aggressive, misogynistic bullies that think a cross dressing man is the same as a woman and should be afforded access to spaces, scholarships, and charities set up to help women that have been disadvantaged as a result of their sex. They aren't 'trapped in the wrong body' because you don't need to be to be trans anymore. The trans women (because it is mostly men that identify as women pushing this) are entirely different to the children that genuinely struggle with their identity (predominately girls trying to figure out how in the hell they fit into this fucked up patriarchy) and they're throwing the people that are actually struggling under the bus too.

TeenTimesTwo · 27/09/2018 13:56

Maybe I have been wrong all along. I just thought that people were getting angry about people who feel they’ve been born the wrong gender.

And ^^this is why it is important that these issues aren't confined to the feminist board.

Common sense filters make your brain think this stuff can't be happening, GG/prisons would never do that, etc. Then you find out it is happening.

Slapbetcommissioner · 27/09/2018 13:56

Yes, trans age is men who identify as little girls or men like the man who abused a child and then said he was not a pedophile as he identifies as being ten years old

Shallishanti123 · 27/09/2018 13:58

No no no, this stefenknee person, no that’s not who I am making this thread about! I mean the people who just get on with their life.

I can’t even think about that person right now. My brain is so confused.

I think AIBU for sure if you were all talking about people like them.

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Slapbetcommissioner · 27/09/2018 13:58

Tea and teen have both made excellent posts there, I agree with both.

Also this thread might help you understand why people are angry, it is about a recent issue which is still unfolding and has some excellent posts on it

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3377314-ocado-siding-with-misogynists-and-agreeing-that-the-word-woman-and-its-dictionary-definition-is-hate-speech?msgid=81352563

bigKiteFlying · 27/09/2018 14:00

Are you saying a grown man who now says he’s a little girl?

Don't think David Challenor was doing it in public but it came out in court he was doing this as part of his crime.

nellieellie · 27/09/2018 14:00

I like this article. It’s not about being in opposition or hostile to trans women. It is about finding a balance. Trans activists see no problem with taking over women only spaces merely on the basis of self Id. It is horrifically naive to think that there is no safeguarding issue with this.
quillette.com/2018/03/30/plea-trans-activists-can-protect-trans-rights-without-denying-biology/

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/09/2018 14:00

SHalli I suspect you may be about to read the thing that changes your mind... you may be approaching your own Peak Trans.

I did much the same about 18 months ago. Sadly it has not made my life any happier. Once you have seen 'it' you cannot unsee it.

Yes, Stefonknee (think about that name) Wolscht and, very recently, in this country, linked to Scouts and gymnastics and The Green Party, David Challoner transcrimeuk.com/2018/08/22/david-challenor/

Slapbetcommissioner · 27/09/2018 14:01

The people getting on with their life have been doing it for YEARS so if that was the issue why would it have taken until now to blow up like this?

longwayoff · 27/09/2018 14:02

This is an utterly bizarre question. AIBU is not the golf club. Women should be able to say what they want to, when they want to and to whom they wish, without having a statement cleared by a politburo for suitability.

Shallishanti123 · 27/09/2018 14:05

I can’t read anymore right now, but I will later. I actually feel a bit sick. I used to work on child abuse cases, but this never came up. Now I feel absolutely awful to think that their abusers might be doing this.

I know my kids when they were little thought that their uncle was a kid because he used to play games with them and was really good/on their level.

What if these people actually tell kids they’re a 6 yr old girl but they’re bigger or something like that. Surely people won’t let a grown up who says their a kid be near children... there’s an issue there whether they are a paedophile or not.

Hope that makes sense I’m a bit upset about how wrong I’ve been. Guess life isn’t as it seems when you don’t see it first hand.

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/09/2018 14:05

I think AIBU for sure if you were all talking about people like them. No, we are not all talking about men like them.

We ARE talking about changes in the law, social mores, that allow men like them to take advantage of legislation to commit such crimes. The mooted changes are what is being challenged, not trans individuals.

It might help you to know that some of those threads you don't like are by trans women!

WasabiSpring · 27/09/2018 14:06

There are absolutely loads of lovely, kind, personable, supportive and wonderful transgender people who indeed do just want to get on with their life. I'm happy to know quite a few and they are great people.

Unfortunately, there are also other people who seem increasingly to be using the cover of a trans umbrella to be directly harmful specifically to women and girls. It's a truly awful state of affairs and harms transgender people just as much as it does those who are on the receiving end of this horrible behaviour.

The problem is that you are quite correct and many transpeople just want to be left alone, just want to go about their business and to be accepted - and it is really awful that they get abused or harassed.

But the objections really are not towards those people from the feminists I've seen on Mumsnet. The objections are towards those who would use transgender issues to demonise women, harass them, silence them and inform them of what they must believe in relation to women. Most of which by the way the trans people I know think is completely batshit crazy. (example - calling women 'bleeders' or saying talking about your period is somehow hatespeech and harming them.)

Shallishanti123 · 27/09/2018 14:06

Sorry not saying their uncle is a trans age. Just seen that kids can believe adults are children because of how they act.

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Thisnamechanger · 27/09/2018 14:06

TBF the feminist board may as well just be call the trans board these days. There's virtually nothing else on it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/09/2018 14:07

And I am sorry for how you are feeling right now. Many poster here know how it feels, you are not alone in not having understood the basis of the GC posts.

peepholepringle · 27/09/2018 14:07

"Poor trans folk"?
Yes, all "trans folk" are such meek, oppressed, delicate victims. 🙄

yolofish · 27/09/2018 14:08

shalli I will give you the benefit of the doubt, rather than suggest you are being, at best, disingenous. Unlike the TRAs who want to trample over women's and girls' rights.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/09/2018 14:08

TBF the feminist board may as well just be call the trans board these days. There's virtually nothing else on it Yep! Probably because there is no greater threat to women as a class.

Given the ramifications it would be odd if it were not the main topic!

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/09/2018 14:09

The more people who become aware the better. It should be posted eveeywhere and any where.

We know not all men a 're boys are like that. We are married to them or have birth to them but we keep them separated anyway don't we? Girls and boys on schools are housed in separate rooms on residentials. How these are kids who many would have lived next door to or grown up with and he friends with. They are still separated. No one is up in arms about that are they? It's normal to do that. For privacy and dignity.

Same with trans kids. They should be separated by their bodies. Not by some identity we can't see or prove even exists.

Biology is not bigotry. And safeguarding is preparing for the worst case scenario that's the whole point.

Whatever your feelings about trans people . Those with penises commit the majority of sexual violence towards those with vaginas. Trans girls are biologically male. Therefore they should not he in with girls.

This needs to be out in public not hidden away on one specific board

Shallishanti123 · 27/09/2018 14:10

I feel really sick about it all. Challenor has even warped his child’s mind.

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HolesinTheSoles · 27/09/2018 14:12

I feel more sorry for poor women right now, than I do for "poor transfolk".

See it's nasty comments like this. Why on earth do you feel more sorry for women who are far less likely to be assaulted, commit suicide, suffer discrimination than trans people. MN is really nasty towards trans people.

Thisnamechanger · 27/09/2018 14:12

Given the ramifications it would be odd if it were not the main topic!

Fair enough if that's what you think but if it ends up taking over the AIBUs and chats too some people are just going to end up not using the site as much.

NicoAndTheNiners · 27/09/2018 14:14

just because someone has a penis doesn’t mean they’re a risk

No it doesn’t. But conversely I’ve never been raped by anyone with a vagina. I’ve never been scared that someone with a vagina might rape me.

I don’t mind seeing the odd uncovered vulva in the women’s changing room. I don’t want to see a penis.

My female Muslim colleague certainly doesn’t and indeed her dd wouldn’t be able to go to guides if there was a guide with a penis in the guide pack.