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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 26/09/2018 20:52

i would just send a message out saying 'of course, all parents are invited for a coffee and chat while the kids play' that way its subtly reminding them to stay?

PoxAlert · 26/09/2018 20:52

Ooh tricky.

I'd try and have a chat with her at school and drop it in how there is tea/coffee for the mums and it'll be nice to get to chat more during the party.

Then you'll hopefully get the message across.

Nissemand · 26/09/2018 20:53

You probably ought to text everyone.

Reception children tend to be dropped off here.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:55

Erm….we aren't paying for tea and coffee for everyone! That would cost us an extra £30-40! Is that bad?
And saying parents are "invited" doesn't make it mandatory. I never see her at school. Not sure if she drops off/picks up but I only do it a couple times a week.

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 26/09/2018 20:55

I once had a woman turn up with a three year old and say 'I assume that I don't have to stay?' I was to gobsmacked to even tell her that yes she did have to stay with the child I'd never met who looked like about half the children there.

LusaCole · 26/09/2018 20:57

In my experience (I have three DC), all parents stay when the kids are 4yo and nearly all parents leave when the kids are 6yo, with 5yo being a transitional age. So I'm surprised to hear that only one person left their child, and I'd be surprised to get a text asking me to stay.

I'd leave it OP. In a year or two you'll find that most of the parents are leaving their kids.

mumof2sarah · 26/09/2018 20:57

I'd send out the group text xx

woodhill · 26/09/2018 20:59

Why can't the dc be left at 5/6. Norm when mine had parties. Have you another mum to help or relative

RebelRogue · 26/09/2018 20:59

Just tell her IF she tries to leave that you need her to stay and supervise.
Some people arrange in advance with the hosts or other people to leave their kids. Some people judge by what the majority do. Some people stay anyways regardless.

At DD's bday last year my text was the complete opposite "you can stay if you want,but I'd rather you didn't " Grin

WhenIWasAYoungWarthog · 26/09/2018 21:00

At 5 I’d expect to be able to drop. I wouldn’t as my ds had additional needs, but I’m pretty much the only parent who does stay. You need to make it abundantly clear if you expect them to stay. Also a bit mean to expect them to stay but not even want to get them a drink.

Merryoldgoat · 26/09/2018 21:00

If I had a party where I expected parents to stay I’d provide light refreshments - tea/coffee/water and possibly light snacks.

Ski4130 · 26/09/2018 21:00

Isn't the whole point of a soft play party that the children are entertained and you don't have to stay?! And if you're making the parents stay, at least stump up.for teas/coffees for them!!

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 26/09/2018 21:00

5/6 I wouldn’t expect the adults to stay. You stand at the entrance as they come in and tell the child if he needs anything to come to you.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 26/09/2018 21:01

If you say that all other mums stayed then you only have your own child and this other child to keep an eye on. Perfectly doable. Don't really see what's the big problem.

ApolloandDaphne · 26/09/2018 21:01

By age 5/6 we all left our DC at parties. Only with pre school children was there an expectation parents would stay around. I am not sure what the issue is really. At that age they can go to the loo themselves and speak to you if they need to.

Clare45BST · 26/09/2018 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aleC4 · 26/09/2018 21:01

I'm quite surprised they stay too.
I have hosted lots of parties in my time and I'm sure after reception most parents left.
What if they are on their own and have another child? Maybe they have crippling anxiety and stress about being with other parents?
I am a teacher and when mine were small I couldn't wait for the parents to leave so I didn't have them trying to find out things about school all the time! Many would treat it as an impromptu parents evening.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:01

In a year or 2 it would be okay @LusaCole. There is a big difference in a 5 yr old that has been at the school 2 weeks and a child that you have known for 12/18 months. If it was a parent & child I knew I wouldn't be concerned about them leaving but I don't know them and its hard enough to find all the kids in these places as it is. I also think it is unfair on the child to dump him with strangers.

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 26/09/2018 21:02

Oh I always left mine from school age onwards. She was dc3 so I wasn’t at all PFB and she’s well behaved. I did check but no one ever said it was a problem. I have other children and sometimes had to run around after them too. If you said I couldn’t then I’d plan accordingly.

NorthEndGal · 26/09/2018 21:02

Tbh, at that age only about half of the children had parents that stayed, at our DC's parties.

MyNewBearTotoro · 26/09/2018 21:02

I think you should text her and let her know. I stayed at my DDs parties when she was nursery age but since she started school all parties have been drop off. DD is Y1 and I would certainly not expect to stay at any parties she is invited to this year unless specifically asked. It’s definitely not the fine thing round here.

OksanaAstankova · 26/09/2018 21:02

I'd have been so pissed off if I'd been expected to stay with my child at that age. I don't think you can insist that parents stay and then not provide refreshments tbh.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 26/09/2018 21:02

I should also stay she was oldest in her class so 5 when she began reception.

OnBail · 26/09/2018 21:03

DD is 5 and she has been to loads of party’s and nobody drops and runs, all the parents stay. I think 5 is too young to be left.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 26/09/2018 21:03

I think it's very weird that you're expecting all parents to stay, to be honest. They're 5 and 6, at school. They're not toddlers who need taken to the toilet.