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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/09/2018 21:59

I was going to suggest saying something similar to what IABURQO said. Perhaps add something in there to explain that you have 30? children coming, which is far too much to physically look after and therefore will need parents to stay at the party or nominate parent helpers.

HellenaHandbasket · 26/09/2018 21:59

I think I would just say to her that as you don't know her son very well perhaps you would all be more comfortable if she stayed, so that there was a familiar face if he had an issue.

finn1020 · 26/09/2018 21:59

I wouldn’t expect parents to stay at a party for 5/6 year olds, unless my child was shy and wanted me to stay. I would however if I was dropping my child leave, my mobile number with the host.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 22:00

Before I drop off I will just clear up that all parents have stayed. 15-20 stayed last time. The class is of about 25/26 kids and not all kids attend! I’m going to bed now but take all comments on board. Thanks

OP posts:
SueDunome · 26/09/2018 22:00

I'm with the majority, I think, that school age children are normally left at parties, that's what happened when mine were little.
Can you contact the venue and ask if party children will be given hi vis or vests to wear? If not, maybe you could organise something or arrange for them to stay in one area of the venue.
Is there another parent who knows the child better that you could have on standby to watch him, in case the parent drops and goes?

madeyemoodysmum · 26/09/2018 22:00

I hostess a soft play party once when a CF Left her UNINVITED 3 year old who then shat in his pants the stinkiest nappy I've ever smelt!!!! No contact nothing!!!

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 22:00

laraloo92 the op said there were 26 kids invited and last time 15-20 parents stayed.

Anyway regardless, I think it's a bit of a shame to pick out the new mum and be all 'you're not from round these here parts'. Just send a message to everyone asking that they stay and watch their child. If everyone else was going to stay anyway, it won't be an issue.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/09/2018 22:01

When dd had a soft play party, they did jugs of coffee and tea cheaper than individually priced ones. Perhaps worth checking or maybe just get extra jugs of juice for the parents.Most places do them for peanuts.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 22:02

And to people about to say “well that’s only 15-20 kids to watch” this is soft play and there is likely to be 100 other kids in the building that I would have to identify through.

OP posts:
spacefighter · 26/09/2018 22:02

My 7 year old went to a party on Saturday and all the parents stayed. It's expected and normal for most parties. I don't want to drive somewhere 20 mins then have to go back in 1.5-2 hours time.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:03

@DayManChampionOfTheSun we aren't talking about last time so that's irrelevant and you don't know how many children were actually there last time so also irrelevant

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:04

@DayManChampionOfTheSun I'm not saying single her out I'm just if she went to leave on the day just kindly ask her to stay

Janleverton · 26/09/2018 22:05

I have three dcs, all above year 1 now, but really from reception the children were left at parties in general.

chillandrelax · 26/09/2018 22:06

I drop and run. If the party is far away, I share the drop off and pick up with another parent. I have 3, I've left dc 3 since mid reception.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 22:07

laraloo92 that's all well and good but what if she has other children who weren't invited? Fine with a bit of prior warning but people need to be aware of expectations like this, as has already been highlighted, she dropped off last week so obviously thinks this is acceptable.

bonbonours · 26/09/2018 22:08

I wouldn't expect parents to stay in this situation, though some might. The whole point of soft play is it's a confined area, kids can't go running off anywhere, and it's reasonably safe. In most of our local ones the kids go running into the equipment and you can't see them anyway.

The only time this child will need supervision is if he is injured or upset somehow. If he has been told to look for you in case of a problem this will help. Also there are always staff around who would help find out which group he belongs to. You are not really needing to directly supervise him.

When it's party tea - time they usually tannoy out "all the children for Charlie's party come down for tea" or similar. If he doesn't know whose party he's at he shouldn't be there. Presumably the children in the group all known each other from school and will help to round each other up. Absolute worst case scenario you completely lose track of him , he misses the tea and the cake and is found by his mum when she comes to collect him.

As said above any decent soft play place doesn't let kids walk out on their own.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 26/09/2018 22:08

lara if I invited 30 kids to a party, and I have, many times, I make sure I have enough adult helpers to take care of them all

^^this. Just get one of the other oparents who is a friend to help you out with keeping an extra eye on the child who is left. Don't make things awkward with the mum, it's so unecessary. If there is an adult per child othwr than this one I don't think it will matter at all.

unexpectedtwist · 26/09/2018 22:10

I wouldn't leave a 5/6yo at soft play and just go as the kids disperse and I'd be worried mine would be lost in the crowd. Call me overprotective.

PorkFlute · 26/09/2018 22:10

You can’t physically watch them anyway. Especially not in a large soft play as you have described. At 5/6 they will come to you or a member of staff if they need to. Or if they’re hurt a friend will let you or a member of staff know. In all probability the only time you’ll see him is when the food comes out.

Menolly · 26/09/2018 22:11

I run children's parties as part of one of my jobs. 5/6 years old is year 1, it's totally normal for most parents to leave their kids at that age where I am, generally parents start leaving them from about Easter/May half term of reception year, so as they are new it may well be that that's what everyone else was doing at the last school so she didn't think parents stayed, you could either politely say to her please can you stay, invite her to stay for coffee as you have't had a chance to meet properly (meaning you'd buy her a coffee not every parent coming) or as you know all the other parents are likely to stay you could take on responsibility for the 1 child being left.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:11

@garethsouthgatesmrs I don't, the only child I watch is my own. If you bring your child to a party you sit and watch them for 1/2 it's part of being a parent not free babysitting. Parties are stressful enough without having to unnesasarily watch everyone els kids

trancepants · 26/09/2018 22:12

I do think that dropping off kids at that age is totally weird. If everyone dropped and ran, there could be 20 or 30 kids and one, maybe 2 adults supervising. That's just not safe. I'm a scout leader and up until 10yo, our required ratio is 6 kids or less to each adult. Soft play is a physical activity, with kids all over a large area with poor visibility. 1 or 2 adults shouldn't be responsible for more than a few kids in that sort of environment. Especially when those adults are trying to mind a pile of present, sort cake, do toilet runs, etc.

InTheNavy · 26/09/2018 22:17

You should have made it clear on the invitation that you require parents to stay. They need to know this before they can RSVP. You can't spring it on them at the start of the party.
If it wasn't clear on the invitation then you should send out a text to everyone saying Sorry if it wasn't clear on the invitation, but due to the age of the children and the number invited, you need parents to stay for the duration of the party.
I think you do need to provide basic refreshments though- surely the venue can do you a deal on teas/ coffees?

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:17

Why should asking parents to stay and watch there own children even be awkward ?! So confused why anyone would be offended by watching there own child to a party they there child is playing and eating for free would it kill some parents to sit down and watch there kid for a couple of hours I don't even know why this is an issue. Watch your kid or don't come.

SeaToSki · 26/09/2018 22:17

Just text her and say that as you dont know her DC very well yet, you would rather she stayed for the party.