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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
knowledgeofnone · 26/09/2018 21:15

At every soft play centre I've been to there are usually pretty strict guidelines about kids getting in and out and at a lot of the parties the kids have been given hi vis things to wear so the staff know they are part of the group. As soon as my eldest started school it was assumed that parents would leave but the party child's parents usually took a note of name and telephone number of the person who was picking them up and when we had a party for our eldest (5th party) no one stayed but we did have family to help.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:15

@hidinginthenightgarden how do you know that the mum didn't know the mother of the child's party that it was ? How do you know the mother of the child didn't you can pick them up after ? It deffinatly isn't a normal thing to drop and child off and leave them ?? My partner took our son to a party and the child's mum said to him that he can go and come back if he wanted to so he did. If the mother didn't say that he would of 100% stayed. I don't think you need to say anything until an issue occurs on the day because you don't know the full story from the last party and shouldn't jump the gun

Crunchymum · 26/09/2018 21:16

Y1 child here and all the parents have stayed at the parties we've attended so far (all 2 of them Grin)

blackteasplease · 26/09/2018 21:16

If you expect them to stay you need to at least pay for a tea or coffee, if not a plate of sandwiches to hand round

cantkeepawayforever · 26/09/2018 21:17

Wjhy would a parent NOT drop and run for a school-age party??

Tbh, I often had to drop and run even when DS was late pre-school age, because nobody wanted DD (2 years younger) to be there as well, as she wasn't invited, and i had nobody else to leave her with.

They arrive, you take their mobile number on a list which you have made beforehand, they go. Everyone plays on soft play, you and the soft play centre staff supervise food (sometimes with a few parents who might stay, or particular friends of ours who stay and you buy them coffee etc), then everyone is collected and you tick them off the list again.

If you expect everyone to stay, what do you expect them to do with younger or older siblings? Pay for their entry too??

SunnyintheSun · 26/09/2018 21:19

Age 5 they are old enough to be dropped if parents are ok with it. You really can’t organise a party for this age and expect all parents to stay unless you made it clear on the invite and pay for tea/coffee). Soft play usually have barriers etc so kids can’t get out. Just make a note as they arrive of who is in your group and let them know where they can find you if they get separated from their friends/ need help with the toilet etc.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:19

What I know from other parents is that they have moved from a different city so if he knows any parents in the class, it won't be many. She may well have agreed this with the other parent, or it may have been the norm where she lived previously, but it isn't here so I wanted to make her aware without offending her.

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 21:21

Four DC, countless parties at many different venues, and - where I live at least - parents stay unless specified otherwise. The only two parties where I didn't have to stay were held at the birthday child's house. And no one has ever bought me a coffee at a soft play party, nor would I expect them to! Church hall, there'll usually be a jar of coffee and some tea bags on the side for people to help themselves but somewhere like soft play or the bowling alley you buy your own.

OP, I'd send out a text saying something along the lines of "the soft play has stated that as the party is during the public session children must be supervised by a parent/guardian at all times so please can a parent/guardian stay in the venue during the party".

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:21

Can'tkeepaway - on occasions where I have not had childcare for the youngest I have either paid for her to attend or not taken my eldest. There are 26 kids in the class. He doesn't have to attend them all!

OP posts:
Shopkinsdoll · 26/09/2018 21:22

My daughter is very clingy so I would be staying. If the soft play is open to the public, yes the Mum should stay, different if you hired the whole of the soft play for the party. Then you and the staff can watch the kids closely

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:23

Thanks Hooman, It is exactly the same here. Church hall - they make you a tea/coffee even though I don't drink it Public place, they buy their own and everyone stays.

OP posts:
laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:23

You defiantly do not need to pay for parents tea and coffee because there staying and watching there own kid what a joke 😂 my son is year 1 and ive always stayed and so has everyone else's parents ! Why do you need to pay for the tea and coffee just because there going to a party for an hour of there day that's so ridiculous

Raines100 · 26/09/2018 21:24

I wouldn't leave my PFB until Year 2. DS2 was being left by the end of Reception, but then most of the parties are at the local softplay, which DS2 had been going to all his life and is totally confident going to. Perspectives change.

I would make your wishes known to the mother, but no need to judge her.

Also, confused as to why you are saying that these kids have only been at school for 2 weeks but also that they are in Year 1. Surely, they have been at school for a year and 2 weeks, and you have known them for 12 months already?

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:26

@Raines100 at my sons school the classes get mixed up every year isn't that what every school does ?

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:27

No Raines - this lad in particular transferred from another school. All the toher kids I have known for a year and would be more comfortable watching out for. This lad has been at this school for 2 weeks. I have never spoken to him or his mother.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 26/09/2018 21:27

What do you think will happen if she leaves him ? We had a child in A and E after a trampoline party . (He was OK but still....) Not a great moment but the Mym was fine . She left him and it’s an accident prone place .
Sorry. Maybe not helpful !

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:28

Lara- no not every school does that. IT depends if they take 1 class or 2 each year. There are 26 kids in his yr group. No other yr 1 class.

OP posts:
MartagonLilies · 26/09/2018 21:28

With my DC1&2 it was always a drop off for parties. However, with DC3, everyone is expected to stay for the party, and it's so fucking boring.
I have no idea why this is the case now.
Then again, I don't know why everyone invites the whole class anyway Hmm Just invite the child's actual friends, then you'll know them and leaving them wont be a problem. If everyone did this, no one would have to fork out presents for 28+ kids per year (per DC)

BakedBeans47 · 26/09/2018 21:29

I don’t think expecting parents to stay at a party in a soft play when kids are that age is reasonable. What sort of looking after of her kid are you expecting to do? They run about, then have some food and cake, then run about more.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:30

@stopfuckingshoutingatme there's 100 things that could happen, another child could hurt him, he could hurt himself. Why would you drop off your child and expect the party host to watch them when they don't even hardly know what he looks like and are trying to organize a party. Watch your own kids or don't attend I would say

AgentProvocateur · 26/09/2018 21:30

If you insist that they stay, you need to offer tea and coffee. Shock

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:30

Stopfuckingshouting - Aside from getting hurt this kid doesn't know me from adam. If he felt unwell, was upset, got separated from his friends - I doubt he would recognise me. I think they have a "VIP" party area but there are normally 2/3 parties on at once.

OP posts:
laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:31

@AgentProvocateur no she doesn't! She paying for a party for there kids to come and play why does she need to pay for parents tea and coffee to sit and watch there own kids I can't believe some people on here wouldn't happily stay and watch there kids unless they get aloof of freebies

BrazzleDazzleDay · 26/09/2018 21:32

I've never been to a party where parents were expected to stay. My twins are just about to turn 4, if they were at a party then yeah I can see it being sensible but my other dc are 9, 7 and never once been asked or expected to stay except my friends dc parties.

Deadringer · 26/09/2018 21:33

But surely if you invite kids to a party you are offering to take care of them for that period of time? Take care as in, feed, entertain and keep an eye on them?