To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

I also think it is unfair on the child to dump him with strangers

But you invited the child? The mother hasn’t dumped a random child on your doorstep with no warning.

I've been to a lot of kids parties I would say Atleast 1 out of 3 parties I've seen a child crying there eyes out because they've hurt themselves or been hurt. It's an hour of your life sitting and watching your own kid. If someone dumped there kid at my sons party I wouldn't watch them cos I have other things to be doing, if they want there child to attend a party then they need to be a parent for an hour and look after them

Agent, I am not insisting on anything - I invited, they accepted. I am paying for their kids to eat, drink and play. Can adult not cope without a drink for 90 minutes?

@Deadringer no you are not !! S

Going against the grain here, I don't think I left my eldest until at least age 8? Stayed in the soft play, chatting, and made sure he behaved when food served. I can't say for sure that all parents stayed but there were a lot. If I didn't stay it was because a friend took dc with their dc and stayed instead.

No, we don't stay for parties once the kids are in school. For mine I've asked in advance if a couple of other mums will help out, the rest can drop off and I'd rather they did. Otherwise you have a bunch of parents to entertain as well.

But surely if you invite kids to a party you are offering to take care of them for that period of time? Take care as in, feed, entertain and keep an eye on them?

No, you're inviting them to do an activity to celebrate your child's birthday with them. They're their parents responsibility, especially when the party is in a public place where it would be virtually impossible for the OP to properly supervise 30 children even if she did know them all.

It's a party, not a free two hours of babysitting

@Deadringer so if you invite 30 kids to a party and no one stays who the hell can you watch 30 kids and also why the hell does it mean you dump them there and go somewhere els ? Can't you sit on a chair for an hour and watch your kid play ? How hard is it to be a parent I'm appalled people even do this I would never leave my 5 year old at a party I wouldn't feel comfortable anything can happen

OP You've already decided YANBU it seems!

YEs Serbska I did. As I said, I invited the whole class so no one was left out. I did this knowing that at every other party we attended (3 so far this term alone) parents have stayed. I think it is possible that where the child previously lived, it was the norm to leave them. But it isn't here. I invited them on the belief that all parents stayed as previous experience has shown me - I didn't think parents left until 7th birthday parties.

Surely if you're expecting parents to stay you at least provide a cup of tea?!

I wouldn't expect parents to stay at this age.

I think the only thing you can do is send a group message to everyone to let them know they need to stay. I think it would be mean to single the new mum out and make only her stay to help you run the party.

@hidinginthenightgarden just say to her on the day is it ok if you stay before I'm busy and can't keep an eye on your child. Ignore people saying you need to buy tea and coffee especially when that isn't what your asking. Where I live parents have always stayed even bored dads that you can tell really don't wanna be there it's really not difficult to watch your own child for 1/2 hours. Your not a babysitting and not need the stress of worrying about a child you hardly know

I think part of the deal with holding a party is that you are supervising the kids. I would expect to drop off at that age. If you don't think you can effectively supervise the kids, then fine. I am sure some parents will stay, so ask a couple of parents to help you keep an eye on everyone, including the new child.
A cup of tea for the parents would be the polite thing to do. It's not about adults not coping without a drink, it's just good manners at your party. A few cups of tea will not cost you much.
Oh, and yes YABU.

Surely if you're expecting parents to stay you at least provide a cup of tea?!

Not at a soft play party where food and drink is purchased seperately from the party package and drinks are sold at a premium, £2 a head for an an individual pot of tea or mug of coffee would swiftly mount up.

Martagon - I hadn't until others started agreeing with me.
It seems it is normal some places and not others. I am accepting that and saying that leaving the child was probably the norm where she was.
It isn't so much here so I will text her and let her know I am looking forward to having a chat and getting to know her and see if that encourages her to stay.

@DayManChampionOfTheSun no one is helping her run the party, watching your own child isn't helping her out what is wrong with you. You wouldn't just drop your child off to a play center and leave them so why would you do anywhere els. She doesn't need to watch anyone's child if they want there child to attend then they need to supervise them

I’ve got 3 dc and the rule with whole class parties has always been to stay and watch your own kid.

Totally NOT normal IME for someone to dump and run with a five year old like so many are suggesting.

It comes to a natural end around age 8 anyway IME, when they grow out of class parties and start inviting a handful of friends to lazerdome/pizza/cinema/sleepover instead...at which time the party kids parents supervise.

Where I live, everyone drops and runs once they hit reception. Nursery parties, all the parents stay. Once they start school, everyone just leaves and comes back to collect. I never knows it to be any different with any of my kids

Majestic - a cup of tea/coffee at soft play is around £2. At the last party around 15-20 adults stayed. That's about £30-40.

Whatever you do, you CANNOT just tell the mum on the day that she must stay. What about a sibling eft briefly with a friend or relative, or just in the car, while she drops off?

I do think you are being a little precious assuming that EVERYONE will stay. What about lift shares? Single mums with other children?

Arranging beforehand that a certain number of adults will stay is good. Insisting that EVERYONE stays is...odd. A bit controlling, tbh, and not bearing in mind the personal circumstances of others.

@hidinginthenightgarden your post asks if you’re unreasonable “to tell this mum she has to stay with her child”. That, to me, is insisting she stays. No you don’t HAVE to offer tea and coffee, but it’s inhospitable not to. If she’s not expecting to stay (and most people don’t when the children are at school) she might not even have her purse with her. But you’ve clearly decided YANBU, so I don’t know why you asked.

lara if I invited 30 kids to a party, and I have, many times, I make sure I have enough adult helpers to take care of them all. If I don't have enough helpers I invite less kids. No one I know expects parents to stay especially once the children have started school. Different strokes for different folks though I suppose.