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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 21:46

laraloo92 if the op singles this woman out and specifically asks her to stay, i guarantee the other parents will end up dropping off and leaving so it will be op and this other mum. She will be then be expected to help out with all the other children also. All I said was you should ask everyone not just the new mum.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:46

Thanks ladies. It is good to see that things are done differently in other places. I will bare that in mind in the future.
I am now going to bed!

OP posts:
IABURQO · 26/09/2018 21:47

It sounds hard when you don't know the kids and parents yet. I haven't come across this situation yet, but maybe you could say something like: "The soft play area we booked is during the public session and we don't know all the kid/parent combos yet, so if you need to leave during the party please let me know which other parent is looking after your child if there is an emergency or to confirm who is collecting them, or make sure you've introduced me to your child and leave a mobile number. Thanks."
Would it not be possible to get the adults who are staying a drink and some biscuits or something else small?

cantkeepawayforever · 26/09/2018 21:47

At the last party around 15-20 adults stayed.

So about 50% of children had an adult present, out of a whole class of 30? That sounds about rightl, but will naturally reduce over the coming months until it's down to the parents you invite to help you run the party, IME.

NoMudNoLotus · 26/09/2018 21:48

I think its weird expecting parents to stay ... i never expected parents to stay at that age and equally i was never expected to stay.

Pinkblanket · 26/09/2018 21:49

It's not unusual for children of that age to be left at a party.

GunpowderGelatine · 26/09/2018 21:49

DD is in year 1 and no one has ever just dropped their child off at a party and left, are we a precious bunch of parents or am I mad in thinking his isn't the done thing Confused OP I wouldn't like it either unless it was a niece or nephew, YANBU, and you don't need to bribe parents with tea and coffee either Hmm

Zillcat · 26/09/2018 21:50

Why not just message this mum with your concerns?
"Hi, I hope you and DC can still make it to the party this weekend. As the soft play is going to be really busy, I was wondering if you could stay with DC for the length of the party. Usually not an issue however I wouldn't want anything to happen and me not recognise DC as part of our group with him being so new to the school"

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:50

@DayManChampionOfTheSun she has already said all the other parents always stay why does anyone need to help out ? When I go to a party I sit there and watch my out kid I don't need to watch anyone els or help out with the party I literally supervise my own child and that's what every other parent does.

PorkFlute · 26/09/2018 21:50

Surely if you’re so certain it will only be one child that will be dropped you can manage? You’re not going to have to follow him round. He will appear for food then go and play again!
I did a whole class soft play party in reception and about 2 or 3 parents stayed. 1 kid scraped their knee and I had to get them a plaster bit other than that they just played. I think you’re making a big deal about nothing tbh.

NoMudNoLotus · 26/09/2018 21:50

And definitely if you expect parents to stay provide tea/coffee , i would be bloody pissed off if i had to stay and wasnt provided with a warm drink !!

Flaskfan · 26/09/2018 21:50

Most parents round here stay, until the parties get smaller or further away. I.wouldn't have met any of the parents if they hadn't have stayed and I wouldn't have had a clue who their kids were. I still couldn't tell you who the parents of most the kids in dd's year are, as they don't have parties.

peachgreen · 26/09/2018 21:51

£2 a head for an an individual pot of tea or mug of coffee would swiftly mount up.

If I couldn't afford that (which I couldn't!) I would host the party elsewhere OR get enough volunteers involved that parents wouldn't need to stay (and I'd buy them a cuppa!).

Abra1de · 26/09/2018 21:51

I rarely stayed when my children were that age unless I was friendly with the parents.

furandchandeliers · 26/09/2018 21:52

I've always left mine from school age onwards and so do most of the other parents.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 21:52

I think yanbu re dropping and running at that age. But I think yabu not to offer tea or coffee for grown ups. Every party I’ve been to has had drinks for adults. Some of them had food for adults too, which I don’t think is really necessary, though lovely to receive.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 21:52

laraloo92 yes the op did originally say all, although that number has dropped already to about half.

Comeymemo · 26/09/2018 21:53

YABU and a bit precious. The birthday party drop-and-run is one of the most celebrated British institutions. Embrace it.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:53

Also no other parent has ever bought me a drink neither have I when I hosted a party, your kids come to a party for a free 2 hours play, you sit and watch them, you child eats for free and has a drink you then leave it's not rocket science. No baby sitting and no buying drinks for people to sit and watch there own childjre.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 21:54

@DayManChampionOfTheSun I don't believe that was OP that said that I'm sure she thinks all the other parents are also staying

Butterymuffin · 26/09/2018 21:55

Where I am parents always stayed at that age. It's very variable from one place to another.

I'd put something in a message about how the venue have asked that all children have a parent or carer on site during the party.

Comeymemo · 26/09/2018 21:56

Also, put name tags on all kids so you can pick them out easily in the soft play crowd.

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 21:56

Also no other parent has ever bought me a drink neither have I when I hosted a party, your kids come to a party for a free 2 hours play, you sit and watch them, you child eats for free and has a drink you then leave it's not rocket science. No baby sitting and no buying drinks for people to sit and watch there own childjre.

Amen to that. It's alarty for the kids, not the grown ups. Buy your own bloody drinks or do what most normal people do, sitat a table andstareat your phone until it's time to leave.

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 21:57

It's a party for the kids, not the grown ups. Buy your own bloody drinks or do what most normal people do, sit at a table and stare at your phone until it's time to leave.

woodhill · 26/09/2018 21:57

Yes drop and run particularly with having siblings to look after and then someone else would return the favour. We did smaller parties