Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 26/09/2018 21:03

I would send a message to all saying you know that at some parties parents can leave their children, but it's far too hectic at soft play to keep an eye on them, so a grown up needs to stay for each child.

Kintan · 26/09/2018 21:03

It’s a bit mean if you are expecting (rather than requesting) parents to stay but you won’t buy them a coffee!

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 26/09/2018 21:04

I also think it is unfair on the child to dump him with strangers.

Erm you invited them! They haven’t been CF and just dumped them on you!

Thatstheendofmytether · 26/09/2018 21:04

Dont really see the problem. You have her number if anything happens and you need to contact her. The softplay usually gathers the kids up for food etc all you really have to do is make sure everyone has a drink (if you even have to do thay)

WhenIWasAYoungWarthog · 26/09/2018 21:05

Can’t you just ask for the parents number and you can call if there’s an issue? I don’t know half the parents at my ds’s school and it wouldn’t bother me if I had their number. Parents don’t normally drop and run unless they know their child would be happy for them to be left.

Holidayshopping · 26/09/2018 21:05

Parents tended to stay at pre school/reception parties but not after. Difficult to force people to stay though.

domesticslattern · 26/09/2018 21:06

Just take her phone number and call her if there are problems.
I wouldn't understand an "invitation" to stay for a coffee, you would need to spell it out to me in the invitation that parents were required to stay. And I would decline the invite as I loathe soft play and have other kids to look after and better things to do with my time
It is quite normal to leave 5 and 6 year olds round these parts, including at soft play parties, so this mother's behaviour isn't unusual. Surely those parents who chose to stay can help you keep an eye on him?

SpottingTheZebras · 26/09/2018 21:06

Have you hired the soft play venue because if so, surely all of the children there will be for the party anyway?

Regardless of what other parents think, if you don’t feel happy without the parents staying then say so and make it clear. You might well find a significant number of the children drop out as a result.

PoxAlert · 26/09/2018 21:06

We're in the minority then.

DD is 5 (in Y1) and so far all parties (both school and non school friends) all the parents have stayed and chatted etc. Always been tea/coffee/soft drinks for parents too.

I'm in no rush to leave DD.

underthewillow · 26/09/2018 21:06

It’s soft play and presumably also open to the public at the same time? I would want to stay if my child was that age. How could you supervise all of them? What if some needed the bathroom?

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:07

Everyone hear stays so I assumed it was the norm. If it was a church hall it wouldn't be a problem as they are confined but this place is really big and I don't know this kid at all. Most of the others I would as I know their parents.

OP posts:
1lov3comps · 26/09/2018 21:07

My DS had a soft play party for his 4th birthday, we both work full time so CM drops/collects him from playschool so don't know any parents and equally, they don't know me. I set aside extra money for teas, coffees etc expecting a load of parents to stay and out of 11 invited kids, 1 parent stayed!! I was shocked Shock
(Everyone was fine but still!!)

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:08

Soft play is open to the public so there will be loads of kids, not just those we invite.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 26/09/2018 21:08

"Dump him on strangers"?

Um, you invited him to a party, she's probably under the impression you wanted him there. Hmm

WhenIWasAYoungWarthog · 26/09/2018 21:08

Is the soft play not confined? If that’s the case it’s totally different and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect parents to stay. All the soft play areas round my way have a gate and you have to sign kids in and out.

ShesABelter · 26/09/2018 21:08

I'm really shocked at all the replies that they'd leave them at 5/6. My third child is 5.5 now and all the parents still stay at the parties. Kids aren't left here usually until about 7.

woodhill · 26/09/2018 21:09

Why did you invite that dc then?

iamyourequal · 26/09/2018 21:09

I would never expect parents to stay at parties for 5/6 year olds. I would make sure however, as the party host, that I had other adult helpers with me in case of bumps/spills/incidents. In the unlikely event I ‘invited’ the parents to stay for a coffee, I would definitely be buying them a coffee, because that’s what hospitality is! If parents have to sacrifice a Saturday afternoon or whatever sitting around in a soft play where they aren’t needed, and not even offered a tea, I’d think ‘what a lousy host’ to be honest.

Lellikelly26 · 26/09/2018 21:10

I think parents staying is over the top parenting. When I was younger and my DS was in primary most people dropped their kids off. There was one boy whose mum stayed and he sat on her lap the whole time, imo that is not doing him any good.

HellenaHandbasket · 26/09/2018 21:10

Tbh, I wouldn't expect others to stay. And if you do, you need to provide a drink.

Most parties we went to at that age the majority of parents left. I didn't, because my child wasn't comfortable. The few parents who did stay tended to be friends who took the opportunity for a chat.

The majority of parents who host this sort of thing do lay on a drink for the guests.

woodhill · 26/09/2018 21:11

We had parties when dc were 4 and parents dropped dc off. Don't see why it is a big deal. Perfectly normal in the 90s/00s.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:12

I just sent a load of invites with DS to school (made by the soft play with no space for names) and told Ds to put one in every bag. I didn't invite some kids and not others as that is not how it is done in his school. In yr 1 they still do class parties. I had no issue doing this as every party so far, every parent has stayed. Until she dropped and ran last week I had no reason to believe she wouldn't stay.

OP posts:
DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 21:12

You can't ask adults to stay and then not buy them a drink.

PorkFlute · 26/09/2018 21:13

Her child probably knows a lot of the other parents and would be confident asking one for help if needed. She may even have asked one of the other parents to keep an eye out. Were they fine?
Its the norm for parents to drop at soft play parties here from reception age unless the child has additional needs that require a parent to stay.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 21:14

Pork I don't know if he knew other parents but it was the first party he had attended since starting at the school so I doubt he knew many.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread