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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday fall out

484 replies

Starleaf · 26/09/2018 18:32

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

OP posts:
mypointofview · 26/09/2018 20:36

This thread has made me revise my ideas about the average IQ of people on mumsnet.

mypointofview · 26/09/2018 20:38

havina you just can't admit you're wrong, can you. soydora highlighted the relevant part of the post to you so I won't bother doing it again.

MardyArabella · 26/09/2018 20:38

whats missing

Havaina · 26/09/2018 20:42

What are you on about, mypoint? You've managed to run off the OP so we won't know what happened now. Well done.

Is mypointofview the (ex) friend?

It seems so.

Hoppinggreen · 26/09/2018 20:44

I’m old, I don’t know what a dance bar is
I’m also confused about where people were sleeping

Original poster
Starleaf · 26/09/2018 20:44

None of us were drunk my friend doesn't drink, her children are 19 and 21, so not young children.
Friend said she'd had a wonderful day, and when the cake was delivered to the pool where we were chilling after our day out she hugged me and said it was her best ever birthday.
We all talked over what we wanted to do for the evening. It was a unanimous decision to find somewhere nice to eat, then go on to a bar.
I suppose I was annoyed that after doing everything for her all day, she couldn't return the complement and stay for one drink and a dance. Something that was already agreed.
When I got back to our room I got changed, took medication then went to the bathroom. Was in there for a while using the loo and removing makeup, it was then they arrived back and her eldest was on her bed.
I've asked her why she reacted the way she did. We've enjoyed many holidays together with no problems, and have been friends for many years. I really can't understand her behaviour.

OP posts:
Havaina · 26/09/2018 20:47

I've asked her why she reacted the way she did.

What was her response, OP?

Fraying · 26/09/2018 20:48

It may be an issue that's been simmering under the surface for a while. Perhaps she felt she made it clear she didn't like the bar but you went off to dance.
I guess it depends how old you all are but I'd be a bit Confused if a friend insisted on dancing to a song in a bar we had no intention of staying in. The fact that you did that when you weren't drunk seems odd to me.

cheesefield · 26/09/2018 20:57

Aw OP. You're a good friend but it sounds like she was just tired.

Is she more introverted than you? It sounds like one of those normal group holiday situations where one person is knackered and needs to go to bed.

To be fair I'm the introvert in a family of extroverts, and there's been a couple of occasions on group hols where I'm just done and need my bed. Maybe it'll all be ok tomorrow?

cheesefield · 26/09/2018 21:00

And I don't think you sound like a dick. It just sounds like a clash between tired vs not tired etc. Or someone who is ready to get the evening starter vs someone who wants to sleep.

Always happens. I'm usually the knackered sleepy one so I say go on and party while I go to bed.

alphajuliet123 · 26/09/2018 21:04

Go and give her a hug. Right now, before she goes to bed upset.

Yes she has overacted but it IS her birthday and this will just be a silly blip by the morning. Be the bigger person and offer an olive branch.

A580Hojas · 26/09/2018 21:05

Oh seriously who cares? Ridiculous petty tiffs between two grown women. How can people even have an opinion on this? It's like reading some crazy conversation on SnapChat.

Topseyt · 26/09/2018 21:07

There must be just some misunderstanding somewhere along the way.

Perhaps she was less keen than you thought to go on to a bar after dinner, having had rather a busy day.

Perhaps she was less keen than you on the bars and entertainment that was on offer, even once you had found this one on the end of the strip. Sometimes you get to a point of just having had enough.

I hate these strips of noisy bars and clubs. I've seen them on many holidays in the Mediterranean. There was one about ten minutes walk from an apartment we stayed in in Portugal. It blasted all night and stopped at about 7.30am and we were so glad we were far enough away from it. I know that isn't the point of the thread though. Just saying that such places aren't everyone's cup of tea.

EK36 · 26/09/2018 21:09

Just forget it and give her a hug! Life's too short to fall out.

cheesefield · 26/09/2018 21:14

@A580Hojas oh come on.

We're all human, we get tired and grumpy after a long hot day. Holidays are great but at times we're just knackered and need to go to sleep.

Ellisandra · 26/09/2018 21:30

“Doing everything for her all day”

Do you think she picked up on that attitude?

Getting the banners, cake and fizz were really lovely gestures. But they are thought over effort. Not a criticism - the thought is quite enough! Just something about the way you posted earlier than you’d gone on a trip that she wanted to - it did sound a little bit to me like you felt you’d put yourself out for that. You can’t have spent all day doing stuff for her if you were by the pool for the cake!

I’m confused by the whole thing really, but one thing is sure - you said you were pissed off that she didn’t dance with you. There was no reason to be pissed off, and I’m sure she picked up on that. So bottom line, you were pissed off with her and left her to go back to the hotel. So I can see why she’s annoyed with you. But I can’t see why you were annoyed with her.

LauderSyme · 26/09/2018 21:31

SinglePringle Grin I was thinking the same thing.

I am going to put in my tuppence worth and disagree with most posters. I think OP is the rude, self-centred, high maintenance one.

We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do Are you sure she really wanted to, or did you want to and she agreed it would be nice?

We passed several that were either showing football or boxing She didn't mind about the sport on telly though, did she? It was you who insisted on carrying on walking.

Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her Who does that?! You abandoned your party in a strange bar to go and dance by yourself for several minutes while they are stood there without even a drink.

I was pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own As pp's have said, you stropped off in a huff. You should have waited for them and walked back together.

When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why Wasn't it bloody obvious why?! Were you being deliberately obtuse?

I told her she was behaving immaturely No trying to see her point of view, no "sorry you feel that way", no talking it through, no attempt to save the friendship?

All pure conjecture of course but I think I agree with your friend. But this has taken me so long to type there'll probably be some massive cross post to prove me wrong Blush

LauderSyme · 26/09/2018 21:33

told you so Blush Blush

Original poster
Starleaf · 26/09/2018 21:34

Just want to say, the holiday resort we're staying in is a pretty laid back place. Plus as we're nearing end of season it's not that busy.
She hadn't said at any point she didn't want to go to a bar, and we walked from one end of the resort to the other. Think that's what pissed me off. If she wasn't up for it why not let me know before the long walk?
Sorry didn't make myself clear, they stopped at a small super market for milk and water. When I realised I waited outside. When they came out her eldest walked with me, we were not walking fast.
My friend and her the 19 year old hung back. Once back in room 21yr old went to her room, when I came out of the bathroom she was on her mums bed (on iPad) and friend was in the other bedroom.
We have a 2 bed apt. Friend and me in one room, kids in the other.
They've been back a while now. Eldest has just come in to sleep in mums bed again. I'm gonna turn in now.

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 26/09/2018 21:42

How long is left on he holiday? It must be awkward for everyone.

I ophave been on holidays with friends when there have been fall outs or tensions. It’s dreadful. I only holiday with family now. Less drama.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/09/2018 21:45

When I was 18 and just started university my housemates all turned on me because I was tired one evening and said I’d stay in that evening. We’d been out 6 nights straight. No issues until this point. Had tons of fun and I’d just fitted in, not made waves etc. That was immature then. Your so called friend has a 21 yo. Shock. I’d be upset with my 10 yo if she treated her friends like this.

You really really need new friends op. Any way you could move somewhere else or go home early? This sounds horrendous. Are you doing ok?

Ellisandra · 26/09/2018 21:53

Haven’t you ever been OK with something then changed your mind?
Maybe she was fine with the idea, but by the time you’d walked the strip she was tired and feeling pissed off that it was all sports bars she was less keen - and the straw that broke the camel’s back was you fucking off to dance without her, then getting pissed off with her?

alphajuliet123 · 26/09/2018 21:54

No No NO, go and sort it out otherwise it'll be really awkward tomorrow and you'll both feel like her birthday and the holiday have been spoiled.

A simple "I don't want us to fall out, especially on your birthday" and a hug will sort it all out. (and if it doesn't, she can't say you didn't try, ball will be in her court)

bluetongue · 26/09/2018 22:02

Do you think there might be something else going on in your friend’s life that’s put her on edge?

This happened to me once. Turns out the friend’s brother had just been diagnosed with cancer before the holiday but they were keeping it to themselves at that stage.

Another time with a different friend the accommodation was nothing like described. I laughed it off but friend was miserable and cold (insuffient heating in winter) and flew off the handle At the slightest issue for the whole trip. I nearly parted company and went my own way that trip but touched it out. Have never been on a trip with her again after that.

FunSponges · 26/09/2018 22:03

Sorry OP, but there must be more to it from her side. It sounds like you did a lot for her birthday and that you both go way back so I'm struggling to believe she is willing to drop a close friendship because she didn't want to be in a bar and you walked out first and ahead.