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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday fall out

484 replies

Starleaf · 26/09/2018 18:32

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

OP posts:

dustarr73 · 27/09/2018 11:11

I dont understand why the op is getting a hard time.Her friend has a mouth,why not use it.And say sge didnt want to go out.

Take the money for the cake,enjoy your last few days.fuck her

Original poster

Starleaf · 27/09/2018 11:13

This isn't the last day of our holiday, we're here until Saturday night. I have been out today to buy bits to take home for family. Told her eldest where I was going as friend in other bedroom behind a closed door. I'm back now creamed up ready to go down to the pool. Don't know where they are but they're not here.
When I said friend doesn't drink, I should have said she does occasionally, fizz on special occasions and she enjoys a Bailey's sometimes after dinner while on holiday.
Also when I left the bar there was no shouting, I just said ok let's go back then. But I was pissed off and that came across. I've tried to apologise with no success.
Still really don't know what to do about dinner later. If I go it'll be very awkward.

OP posts:

Clothrabbit · 27/09/2018 11:21

I think there's probably two sides to this, to be honest. Going on holidays with friends can be fraught, particularly if one is a nightlife person who wants to go to bars and clubs, and the other would prefer more quiet, relaxing evenings.

That being said, I think your friend is behaving very childishly. If she has an issue with feeling she's being dragged places she doesn't want to go, or being made to feel like a wet blanket if she doesn't want to drink and dance, she should be more assertive rather than behaving like a silly teenager.

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/09/2018 11:43

I don't understand all the unpicking of OP's post.
Really it sounds like her friend is a drama lama.
I'm sure her teenage/older DC are used to it. Friend had a wonderful birthday right up to last bit It's unkind for friend to behave like this when OP has said let's not fall out. OP didn't do anything outrageous she reacted to friends sudden change in mood out if confusion.

Friend is choosing to continue it, leaving OP, her food friend until 10pm or whenever last night, feeling suddenly ousted & unwelcome on their shared holiday . (Friend has her adult DC as company and OP has no one!)

Your friend sounds like a bully OP. Has she behaved meanly like this before? Does she always insists on getting everything her own way? Nor accept that things can be unfortunate misunderstandings, over reaction much?!

I'd make some friends down at pool if possible. Talk gently with eldest of her DC if there's opportunity, keep it an innocuous talk. They'll be used to managing their Mum!

Tbh, I'd go to dinner with them anyway and steel myself to ignore initial discomfort, if no alternatives. And I'd be nice and kind and understanding face on.

I find people can't keep up unreasonable behaviour infront of others, without looking like a dick, if you stay kind, smiley and sweet.

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/09/2018 11:45

.. her good friend, not her food friend! ..

Sparklyfee · 27/09/2018 11:55

I would go along for dinner too, just try and smile and be nice. I'd also go and sunbathe next to her, ask her if she wants a drink etc if you are getting one.

She's acting like an idiot and is probably embarrassed. Tell her you are not taking the money for the cake as it was a gift. If you've left it on the table the maids might think it's a tip and take it though!

PerfectlyPosed · 27/09/2018 12:15

Oh OP, I feel really sad for you. Sounds like your friend has made something of nothing but there must be more to it. Try and enjoy the last few days of your holiday and see if there's any way you can talk to her and get to the bottom of things once you're home. I wouldn't go for dinner with them tonight, it'll be too awkward.

ShartGoblin · 27/09/2018 12:18

I would go to the dinner to be honest. This is a silly minor tiff and you've both been idiots. We've all been there and, if it's a good friendship, no doubt you'll catch each others eye and start laughing hysterically about how ridiculous the whole argument is.

She can't be so silly that she drags the whole thing out for much longer and if she is then it's not going to be a huge loss for you in the end.

LagunaBubbles · 27/09/2018 12:26

It sounds such a horrible awkward situation, I feel for you OP. People fall out and fall in by communicating all the time, but to say the friendship is over seems a complete over reaction to me, no wonder you don't have a clue what's going on!

Rhiannon13 · 27/09/2018 12:57

Was there drink involved by any chance?

Original poster

Starleaf · 27/09/2018 16:22

I've already said we were not drunk. my friend had not had a drink, her eldest had a cocktail at dinner and I had a glass of wine while getting ready and another glass with dinner. We planned to have cake and fizz later on when we got back, so weren't planning being out until early hours. They came down to pool this afternoon and sat as far away from me as possible. Then proceeded to have fun in the pool on the air bed, lots of laughter and giggles. I'm still at the pool now. Only one other couple left. She took the cake money back this morning. If it's still not touched I'll have a slice later, may as well it cost me 25€!
Thank you everyone for your replies, they've helped.

OP posts:

RedLife · 27/09/2018 16:49

How bloody childish! Didn't they even acknowledge you? I don't think I'd go for dinner personally.

Whatsthisbear · 27/09/2018 17:09

Well you can’t stay on your own every evening. Go for the meal and hope for a thaw?
Horrible situation.

eddielizzard · 27/09/2018 17:12

Personally I'd take the first flight home. Very ott behaviour and if she's so willing to throw the friendship away over such a small thing, I'd be walking on eggshells wondering what the next thing would be.

dustarr73 · 27/09/2018 17:12

I would rather sit on my own,than have to sit beside them during dinner.

Ask the hotel for trips,any nice restaurants.And eat the cake,you paid for it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/09/2018 17:19

I think she either is too immature to know how to get out of this or wants to make you suffer. You’ve been friends with her for a long time, do you know which it is?

Have her dcs said anything to you? It must be really awkward for them too. Can you go home early?

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 27/09/2018 17:21

Bin the cake.

Bin the friendship.

She sounds very demanding. Sometimes when a friendship takes too much effort it really isn't worth it.

MissSpoke · 27/09/2018 17:22

I'm really amazed that your friend is prepared to set such an appalling example of how to behave infront of her kids. If it were me, and I was pissed off, I would wait until I was alone with person and discuss it then. Never would I draw the family into it. How incredibly rude and juvenile. You're well rid of her!

Jlynhope · 27/09/2018 17:33

Your friend sounds awful. Change your flight and come home. She sounds unhinged unless there is more you're left you? Do you normally get along well? Have you ever fought before?

Twinmombambi · 27/09/2018 17:43

She is a drama queen reminds me of a friend who for upset with me cos I told to calm the fuck down. Don't bother with her if she wants the friendship ended then that's fine if you can live without her.

ladymariner · 27/09/2018 17:54

That sounds absolutely awful, I've got a knot in my stomach just reading it! I think all you can do is try one more time to sort things out, perhaps with her daughters there to stop things getting too heated, and then don't bother anymore. She has completely overreacted and is behaving appallingly. It's a shame but you can't reason with common some people!

Cornishclio · 27/09/2018 17:54

Goodness what childish and immature behaviour. Sorry it has spoiled your holiday. Just spend the last few days by the pool with a book. With friends like that who needs enemies. I agree with a PP, when relationships become hard work it is time to let go.

iwillrunanultra · 27/09/2018 17:56

The OP only danced to one song! That's around 4 minutes, really don't think that would be long enough to destroy a friendship.

I don't drink either but if the OP brought one bottle of prosseco with her for the birthday friend then I'd sip a bit to get in the spirit, it's a nice gesture.

Original poster

Starleaf · 27/09/2018 18:04

She does have a tendency to fall out with family and friends often. We've always been ok though, a couple of minor scraps but never anything serious like this.
I'm done with her. Not going home early, I'm gonna make the most of my last two days in the sun...and eat lots of cake!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 27/09/2018 18:05

Ok there is clearly more to this, no one ends a very long standing friendship over a stomping off over being in a bar.

I don't know if the op doesn't want to post it, if she doesn't understand it, but I'd say unless this woman has significant mental health problems then there is more to this, especially as the kids are supporting the mother, anyone with kids this age knows full well they'd say if you were being an arsehole.

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