Holiday fall out

[Starleaf]

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

[Starleaf]

Beryl love the name! I have googled and managed to change setting on my email account. Anything from her goes straight to spam, wanted to auto forward but can't find out how it's done.

[Stormtrooper1986]

She does sound awful but I don’t understand why you would let her store drugs in your house ??

[Dysania]

www.lifewire.com/vacation-auto-reply-yahoo-mail-1174492

Try this for auto replies on Yahoo.

I'd suggest "the recipient of this mail is unavailable as she has run out of fucks to give"

Well done you!

[Furiosa]

Has your friend ever had an issue with you drinking alcohol before this holiday?

[GabsAlot]

like it dysania

[Starleaf]

Furiosa no never and we've shared more than a few holidays together. As I've said previously she doesn't really drink when at home, but on holiday she'll have the odd cocktail, and enjoys a Baileys after dinner sometimes.
I'm not a heavy drinker, enjoy a couple glasses of wine with a meal and usually never drink alcohol during the day, especially when on holiday when it's hot. I'm a water freak, on holiday and at home, drink loads. Meds I'm on give me a very dry mouth and throat, so much so that i can't speak sometimes!
Which family are sometimes glad of!

[iwillrunanultra]

It's just so odd that she chose to behave like this now if you have been on many holidays together, what a shame. Must admit I would be curious to read the email but then we know what happened to the curious cat.

[DBN1]

I'd want to read the email but I know it could either upset me or really piss me off and I would probably want to respond. Best not to.

[Zucker]

At some point she'll remember her stash is at your house. Keep us informed OP!

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I kept my abusive emails and read them back years later. They were ridiculous and made no sense but I would have been very hurt by them if I'd read them too close after the event. They were clearly written to cast blame and hurt.

[purplecorkheart]

Glad that you are home ok and thrilled to hear you got rid of her stash! I do feel sorry for her daughters, having a Mom like that.

[HolyFuckNuggets]

On hearing your update OP I wonder if she felt you had embarrassed her by going off to dance to the song you like? There's nothing AT ALL wrong with you doing that but if she is very uptight she might have thought you were drunk and showing yourself and her up.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

HolyFuckingNuggets
Maybe. Or at least that’s what she is telling herself for I think if it hadn’t been this, it would have been something else. She’s just decided it was Starleafs time to be “put in her place”. When a person is like this, the people around them are always on borrowed time.

I know this woman won’t see that this way because she is unable to see the pattern as her issue and of her making. For her, it will be very much “oh look another one, who’s a rubbish friend”. She will have been toting up perceived slight for years.

The email if it ever comes is going to be difficult reading, which is why it’s a good idea to not read it at the time. I had a nasty email and it rocked me to the core for a long time. I think MyShiny has it. Reading something like this years later is probably enlightening and would help to solidify reasons not to rekindle a friendship like this years later.

[KathDayKnight50]

If it was just about you going up to dance or some minor transgression (in her mind), she could still have behaved like a good friend and had a heart-to-heart with you. What she did was vicious bullying and she spoilt everyone's holiday, including her children's. Not normal.

You say she has fallen out with other friends and one of them said they didn't miss the drama. I think the problem lies with her.

Would be madly curious about contents of email, but in reality it will be a lot of self-justifying abusive. Reading the email will let her in your head and you don't want that.

[Starleaf]

HolyFuckingNuggets yes I think your possibly right, when I went back to them after dancing I asked why she hadn't joined me to dance? She replied aggressively that she didn't like the music or bar, and they were leaving.
I remember feeling embarrassed when I realised she wasn't with me on the dance floor, and saw her just standing watching with a long face.
One of the many things she shouted at me once back at the apartment was...
"It's my birthday, you said I could do whatever I wanted all day. You've gone back on your word, you've spoiled my birthday and my holiday."
I did try to say she'd never at any point said she didn't want to go to a bar. She disagreed and said she had...She didn't.
She also said other things during the days that followed that are just not true. Things that had nothing to do with what happened Tuesday night. I did say when I lost it with her on the balcony one morning, that I thought she was behaving as though she was jealous. I can think of no reason why she felt the need to get so nasty and personal, bringing family members and another good friend of mine into it.
I was her only close friend. Friends parents have both passed away (she took their deaths very badly). She has a sister who lives miles away, they fell out and didn't talk for years after their mothers death.
As yet there has been no email, so maybe after what I told her eldest she's decided not to send one, I hope so.
I'll never understand her behaviour, can't believe she did what she did but am going to put this behind me and move on.

[Ginkypig]

That's the best thing.

You can't change someone and with people like her you'll never be able to understand why or how so the best revenge is getting on and enjoying life! Don't let her behaviour take anymore away from you.
She's already taken a holiday and a friend from you.

Not doing that just gives her the pleasure (and she will get pleasure from it) of knowing she's had an effect.

[LoisWilkerson1]

You are well rid I think op. If she's a drama queen it was obviously just your turn.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

She shouted that at you. Oh my! I’d be cross if my 10 yo if she behaved like this on her birthday. She’s really messed up, isn’t she? It sounds as though she was rather overindulged as a child. No wonder her girls wouldn’t dare cross her!

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I wasted countless hours trying to figure out where a past friendship went wrong.

When I fell out with my friend it was really hurtful. We think she was in a bad mood. She had been sulking about something the previous day and seemed to be looking for an argument. I think she lost control, went too far but wouldn't back down. We thought it could have been hormonal because it was just so unreasonable - but there was just no admittance she'd been at fault at all.

She tried to gaslight about what had happened, she brought up the past grievances as she had no real reason to be so horrible. She just bare-faced lied.

After more than a year of non contact she got back in touch but there was no apology -she wanted it swept under the carpet. She'd bad mouthed me, sent vile emails and trashed my memories of our friendship. She treated me with unwanted presents which I took to be her form of apology. I couldn't get past how she treated me though.

Afterwards she would tell me stuff and I didn't believe her version; I no longer trusted her word about anything. I was on edge as I didn't want another argument with her. The friendship wasn't there anymore. It really hurt.

[astoundedgoat]

Apologies if this has been commented upthread (I've only read the OP's posts) - if she smokes a lot of weed would she be struggling without it on holiday? More fraught and irritable?

[browneyes77]

The fact she has fallen out with so many people in the past, speaks volumes to me.

Other friends, her own sister etc she sounds very self involved and never takes responsibility for her own behaviour.

So I don't think it's just weed withdrawal, I think this is just the sort of person she can be. When things stop revolving around her she doesn't like it and punishes people for what she perceives as them not putting her needs and feelings as a priority.

Was she like this before her parents died or has it only been apparent since then? Just wondering if she is maybe hanging onto to any bitterness and anger from this at all.

[user1489475866]

Any updates OP......have you had an email yet?

[Tinkerbell1980]

I'm dying to know if you got an email, I wouldn't be able to resist knowing if I were you op x

[cheesefield]

OP! What happened?!

[Groovee]

As the OP set up a filter on the email, it's possible she's never received it.